Can anyone offer any words?
29 May 2004, 01:40 PM
#91
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Brun,
i'm in the same boat mate, split up with GF of 4 1/2 years last week.
My advise is to force yourself to keep busy because as soon as you sit about and mope you will think of her.
Do the things you wanted to do before but couldn't.
Go on the p!ss with your mates, but don't over do it. - alchohol is a depressant.
Basically, try to make it a positive thing as possible and use it to improve your life.
Good luck pal.
i'm in the same boat mate, split up with GF of 4 1/2 years last week.
My advise is to force yourself to keep busy because as soon as you sit about and mope you will think of her.
Do the things you wanted to do before but couldn't.
Go on the p!ss with your mates, but don't over do it. - alchohol is a depressant.
Basically, try to make it a positive thing as possible and use it to improve your life.
Good luck pal.
29 May 2004, 01:44 PM
#92
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Sooz..
I tend to agree with eClaire on this. I find that it’s immature and in some ways, cowardly to ignore someone, not only when a relationship goes sour, but when friends fall out too. I think this just worsens the feeling of bitterness/hatred.
Far better, if there is no acrimony.
I tend to agree with eClaire on this. I find that it’s immature and in some ways, cowardly to ignore someone, not only when a relationship goes sour, but when friends fall out too. I think this just worsens the feeling of bitterness/hatred.
Far better, if there is no acrimony.
29 May 2004, 03:25 PM
#93
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Originally Posted by Redkop
Sooz..
I tend to agree with eClaire on this. I find that it’s immature and in some ways, cowardly to ignore someone, not only when a relationship goes sour, but when friends fall out too. I think this just worsens the feeling of bitterness/hatred.
Far better, if there is no acrimony.
I tend to agree with eClaire on this. I find that it’s immature and in some ways, cowardly to ignore someone, not only when a relationship goes sour, but when friends fall out too. I think this just worsens the feeling of bitterness/hatred.
Far better, if there is no acrimony.
Plus you would be ruling out any possiblility of sex with the ex
29 May 2004, 04:05 PM
#94
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Sorry, but I have to disagree with most of what's been said about staying in contact with your ex. I think it's a bad idea. It's not childish to cut someone out that's dumped you. If they've finished the relationship then be done with it and move on, and leave her behind. Sometimes you have to burn bridges.
You've managed to stay friends with her, and now she has a new boyfriend. And the sad feelings you had six months ago are flooding back to you. That's not an ideal situation to be in, and isn't helping you to get over her and find someone else. You're sggesting that you still have friendship. On the surface that's fine, but I don't think it's good because that friendship is just a cover. Reading between the lines, you still have feelings for this girl that go beyond friendship - given a chance you'd like to get back together with her? That's not a proper friendship as one party has a 'hidden agenda'.
It all sounds a bit strange. Why does she want to still hang around with you, and talk to you everyday? Does she get a kick out of it? Sorry to be harsh - after all I do't know her. But people's motives are generally selfish, and this is something to be aware of.
Cut off the emotional baggage that's weighing you down and get on with YOUR life - don't stick around to watch hers.
Disclaimer - this is just my opinion and it's probably not worth much.
Good luck
You've managed to stay friends with her, and now she has a new boyfriend. And the sad feelings you had six months ago are flooding back to you. That's not an ideal situation to be in, and isn't helping you to get over her and find someone else. You're sggesting that you still have friendship. On the surface that's fine, but I don't think it's good because that friendship is just a cover. Reading between the lines, you still have feelings for this girl that go beyond friendship - given a chance you'd like to get back together with her? That's not a proper friendship as one party has a 'hidden agenda'.
It all sounds a bit strange. Why does she want to still hang around with you, and talk to you everyday? Does she get a kick out of it? Sorry to be harsh - after all I do't know her. But people's motives are generally selfish, and this is something to be aware of.
Cut off the emotional baggage that's weighing you down and get on with YOUR life - don't stick around to watch hers.
Disclaimer - this is just my opinion and it's probably not worth much.
Good luck
29 May 2004, 08:10 PM
#95
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Sorry, but I have to disagree with most of what's been said about staying in contact with your ex. I think it's a bad idea. It's not childish to cut someone out that's dumped you.
29 May 2004, 08:19 PM
#96
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Originally Posted by eClaire
I didn't mention anything about the one being dumped is the one that does the ignoring, could be vice versa
It usually is vice versa
30 May 2004, 01:51 PM
#99
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Butkus - I totally appreciate your opinion.
I think it will be easier in a way, not to spend time with her. As we have been nothing more than friends for the past 6 months, it has developed into something which is truly platonic. It's no secret that i wish i was with her, but the friendship isn't based on this - it's based on a true respect for each other.
When we finished, no-one was at fault which i guess is why we still get on so well. I suppose, in a way, it would be better if there was a real cause, then we both could let go.
Does she get a kick out of it? Why does she still want to see me? I hope it's because she still holds my opinion on things in high regard. I hope it's not a guilt thing on her part - i don't think it is! I have sat her down and spoken seriously on this subject. I gave her the opportunity to walk away and cut all ties and she said as long as i'm fine with the situation, we can be friends as she would like that
Not a conventional situation to be in, but i'm not a conventional guy
I think it will be easier in a way, not to spend time with her. As we have been nothing more than friends for the past 6 months, it has developed into something which is truly platonic. It's no secret that i wish i was with her, but the friendship isn't based on this - it's based on a true respect for each other.
When we finished, no-one was at fault which i guess is why we still get on so well. I suppose, in a way, it would be better if there was a real cause, then we both could let go.
Does she get a kick out of it? Why does she still want to see me? I hope it's because she still holds my opinion on things in high regard. I hope it's not a guilt thing on her part - i don't think it is! I have sat her down and spoken seriously on this subject. I gave her the opportunity to walk away and cut all ties and she said as long as i'm fine with the situation, we can be friends as she would like that
Not a conventional situation to be in, but i'm not a conventional guy
30 May 2004, 03:08 PM
#100
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It's certainly easy for outsiders to offer an opinion on what someone should do, and even easier when it's on a forum like this as you don't really know the people involved. Advising others on what should be done, and doing what you advise when in the situation yourself are two totally different things! It's easy for me to sit here and say "just walk away and forget her!" I'm sure if I was in your position (and I have been, who hasn't?!) I'd probably want to keep the contact.
As hard as it is you have to make the decision yourself and you can listen to opinions all day long. Try to detach yourself a little, and do whatever you have to do to help yourself. Objectively come to a conclusion over what to do next.
Again, good luck, and I hope you find yourself a better replacement sometime soon - I was trying myself last night, but to no avail! Roll on next weekend!
As hard as it is you have to make the decision yourself and you can listen to opinions all day long. Try to detach yourself a little, and do whatever you have to do to help yourself. Objectively come to a conclusion over what to do next.
Again, good luck, and I hope you find yourself a better replacement sometime soon - I was trying myself last night, but to no avail! Roll on next weekend!
05 February 2005, 11:09 AM
#103
Scooby Senior
***Update number 2***
Who likes happy endings?
I never did get back with the said girl. She is still with the chap mentioned earlier in the thread. We remain very close but don't see a right lot of each other. Deep down we will remain best friends forever so i'm happy at that.
I've spent the last few months getting life straight in my head and basically getting out there and doing stuff. Doing stuff included a visit to the pub where i have had the pleasure of really hitting it off with a young Lady. She is totally fantastic and has so much to offer as a person. She has been through a similar situation to me so we are taking things really slowly and developing a serious connection. Everything at the moment is suggesting that we will soon be entering into a long and meaningful relationship
Many of you have told me to get over my problems and move on. Have i done good?
Happy Brun
Who likes happy endings?
I never did get back with the said girl. She is still with the chap mentioned earlier in the thread. We remain very close but don't see a right lot of each other. Deep down we will remain best friends forever so i'm happy at that.
I've spent the last few months getting life straight in my head and basically getting out there and doing stuff. Doing stuff included a visit to the pub where i have had the pleasure of really hitting it off with a young Lady. She is totally fantastic and has so much to offer as a person. She has been through a similar situation to me so we are taking things really slowly and developing a serious connection. Everything at the moment is suggesting that we will soon be entering into a long and meaningful relationship
Many of you have told me to get over my problems and move on. Have i done good?
Happy Brun
Last edited by Brun; 06 November 2005 at 07:55 PM.
05 February 2005, 11:14 AM
#104
Scooby Senior
Big shout out to Si.
In the time that this thread has been running, not only have you have managed to meet a girl, but you've got engaged and walked down the aisle. I feel inspired by you.
If things go as well for me as i think they may do, i will be taking a drive up to your corner of the woods and i'll treat you to a beer
In the time that this thread has been running, not only have you have managed to meet a girl, but you've got engaged and walked down the aisle. I feel inspired by you.
If things go as well for me as i think they may do, i will be taking a drive up to your corner of the woods and i'll treat you to a beer
05 February 2005, 01:04 PM
#106
Scooby Regular
i will be taking a drive up to your corner of the woods and i'll treat you to a beer
Hopefully both of you will be able to visit .....
Glad things going better for you. Always felt a bit guilty posting up my happy story when you you were going through your **** times, but cheers for always wishing me the best through it......... and for ripping the p1ss out the cooler black wedges
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