lordharding

iTrader: (1)

A good blast in the scoob is what you want !!

A scoob never lets you down

Get a load of drink with the lads
and pull a dog for the night !

The pain WILL GO and remember

the next Bird is always better than the Last

Dream Weaver

I cant claim to be an expert, and it is a ****ter, but this is YOUR life, now go and live it

Happened to my mate recently with his fiance of about 7 years. She just turned up from work one day and left.

He was a state, so took himselfto Greece for a week of chilling out and beers.

He's OK now, new flat, same old mates

Brun

Scooby96 - i did see her for half an hour last night and 20 minutes this aft - sorry
We avoided all talk about the situation and just spoke as friends. I'm trying to gauge if the friends thing is possible. Just being with her makes me feel great, but i think it's a short term fix for my feelings. As time goes on i will miss the Boyfriend/Girlfriend closeness and i will drop off the cliff i'm stumbling towards

ProperCharlie

don't see her for at least 6 months - she is part of the past now and you want to get on with the future.

being *friends* will just make it take longer for you to forget about her and move on.

Poor Guy

buy something nice. something performance adding and get engrossed in it.


vrrrroooooooommmmyyyyyy vrroooooommmmyyyy baby!

TAZMAN

get your right hand drunk, buy a ps2 and join the rest of the male population!!

andypugh2000

My wife dumped me 12 years ago, still makes me laugh what i ever saw in her, took me a few hours to get over the trauma and the worst part was having to split the house and contents, still if it hadnt have happened i would not have met my lovely princess im with now or have a scooby as she was a minimalist who only ever spent money on **** and tatoos!!

stevoWRX

My condolences m8 ,

Know the feeling ..
Split up from the wife ( Girlfriend for 6 years + 7 years married! ) 10 months ago and it still hurts ! Take each day as it comes . Some days'll be good , some bad . It does ease off after a while though so stay positive .
One lucky thing is you're not married ... having to separate everything in your whole life together ( incl. a house ) through feckin' lawyers letters is messy , painfull + expensive .

There's some good advice on this thread , but it's all down to you and how you want to deal with it .

Here's mine ( I know some have been mentioned already ):
1. Keep looking forward , not back . It only hurts when you think of the good times .
2. Join a gym or take up a new hobby ( see 7. ).
3. Take each day as it comes as you never know what tomorrow will bring .
4. Try and get rid of as many reminders as possible . That way you won't see things every day that'll remind you of the hurt .
5. Know it's not quite the same situation but go down the "angry" route .. Think :I am so much better than she is ! Get p*ssed of at her ! Use this to get stronger . I find hate is a lot better than hurt .
6. Do the lottery (Long shot here but ..).. if you win think of how f**king p*ssed off she would be . . That would be SO worth it !!
7. MOST IMPORTANT : Buy a Scoob ... I did and it was the best damn thing I ever did !
8. Start modding !!!! ( that'll cost you money + time anyway ! )
OK .. so I haven't won the lottery ( yet ) but have still bought one of THE best cars to drive , met some new friends , and have this BBS to post probably useless advice .. but .. it's a bit of comfort knowing you are not the only one going through this .

Stay strong m8 and all the best ,

Steve

Brun

I'm surrounded by things she bought me. I can't get rid of them as they mean so much to me. I think i would regret it in the long run too.
As for the Scoob thing - i'm already sorted MY99, full decat, k&n, Tek3 etc. TBH it's the last thing on my mind It's sat outside in the rain under about an inch of mud.
It's obvious to me that there are many people around these parts who are in a much worse position than me.
I feel so sorry for that chap who lost his fiance to that bogus Taxi driver They are a similar age to me and the lass in question. I could not imagine losing someone like that when they were on the verge of spending the rest of their lives together. My problems seem somwhat insignificant
Thanks for your words


[Edited by Brun - 12/3/2003 9:17:10 AM]

durleydude

Get out on a pust bike Brun, it's a great way to clear your thoughts, go exploring off road n see where u end up...

beemerboy

Brun, i've been married for 3 years (together about 6) and no matter how i try, i actually long for the single bloke status (SOMETIMES).
now i made my choice, and after bringing a kid into this world too, enjoy my lifestyle, but cant help wondering if this is really what i wanted back then. Too late now though, i make the most of what i have and live each day to the full.

You should be doing the same.

OK, you might feel like you dont have much anymore, but live YOUR life the way YOU want to.
Leave your clothes on the floor if you like, cleave a copuple of dirty plates in the sink overnight, go out and meet people, ok i dont mean start going down the local everynight, but maybe hook up with some people from work, friends of friends etc, then when you feel socially ready, start banging the norks of some nubile young wench of a thing.

You only get one life, mines finished, enjoy yours!!

Keep us posted

BB

Scooby96

BB

theres an advert for marriage, NOT

SirFozzalot

Sorry for you mate, unfortunatley I don't think there is a quick fix!

Same thing happened to me about 3 years ago, about a week before xmas too!!!

So many others have given varying (but all good) advice already in this thread but you will have to take the right path for you, all I can say (from experiance) is spend as much time with your friends and family and try to talk about your feelings as much as possible to get it all out of your system.....my friends and family really helped me through a bad time and trust me when I say that it WILL get better.

I thought I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life but I found a great girl and I am making all those long term plans again with someone even more special!

Good luck mate and remember that these things seem to happen for a reason and you will be happy again but it will take time!

Wish

iTrader: (2)

When i was going through simuler, I was told by a very good friend

Every Dog has its day........... and its so true, hang in there mate, it will get easier and one day the tables will turn !

You might not belive it now, but they will.

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Agree completely with Fozzalot

I split up with a girlfriend of 4 years - 2 of which we were living together, joint mortgage. The first 3 months were the wosrt, luckily I have friends and family that I could talk to and it helped tons. 4 months later the flat was sold - she'd already left and I stayed till completion, moved into my batchelor pad . Wasn't single for long - 6 months after the split I started seeing my present girlfriend, we have been going out for nearly 3 years now, bought a house, recently had my first child.


I am so glad the previous relationship didn't work out, I now couldn't possibly be happier. The ex is a distant memory (like a few others) that in hindsight was pretty obvious why it didn't work - and yes, I couldn't see it at the time either..

Believe me life WILL move on, its up to you what you make of it.

Neverguess

Ahhhhhhhh Brun, it makes me so sad to read what your saying as I am going throught the same, but from the female point of view. It sucks but I have had weeks of not being so caught up in it all. Time really is a great healer.

I am tempted to go back so many times still but they are getting less and less. It really does help to get out there and not be in contact. That is one of the best bits of advise I can recommend.

You seem really genuine so you won't have any problems getting a new G/F, but I think you should avoid that for the time being and just try to get through this. Friends are a good distraction!

Try to avoid the contact, it really is the best thing I have learnt.

x

Brun

I went out with her the other night to talk. The fact remains that we are still very much not together I do actually believe however, that for the moment anyway we are best off how we are. Don't get me wrong, i want to do everything in my power to get her back and prove to both her and myself that there is still plenty of milage left in the relationship. I don't want to get back together for the wrong reasons, so it's gonna take time.
I'm not gonna go into the reasons, but the fact is - i have pretty much dug my own grave
I know what you're saying Neverguess, but our relationship was built on waht is a very good friendship, and at the moment, that friendship is helping me no end. That is the thing i never want to lose - ever.
Ultimately we may never get back together, but to lose her totally, would hurt too.
Thanks

Neverguess

Oh my god....I think I luv you!

Your sooooooooooooooooooo lovely!

Really hope things work out better than mine. I pine far too much for him, but I am getting there. The difference is you get something from remaining friends, where as I have nothing to gain. I am not saying he a b*stard, he's just not the healthiest person to have around. Comes with a lot of baggage.

Good luck Brun, think I will be checking in on you from now on! Gained a lot from this thread you started.

Sorry to every one who thinks this is all to mushy.....if you don't like it....change threads!

Brun

Brun

****UPDATE****

So i'm 2 days short of 6 months since that terrible day. The result??? I'm single
The Ex has just started seeing a new chap and we remain very, very close. Up until a couple of weeks ago i still was holding onto hope that we were gonna get back together. So you might have guessed that i'm feeling pretty down The tears have ran all over again
Now things are effectivly final i do feel strangely better I still speak to her almost every day and catch her for a cuppa a couple of times a week. The friendship could not be any closer. It's strange that the one who has caused all the pain, is also the one who is helping me through it. I know it will take longer this way, but once i have reached the end of the tunnel, i will have a soul mate who just happens to be my ex girlfriend.
Fingers crossed that our friendship doesn't cause any trouble for her and her new bloke. If it does then i guess it's bang goes a beautiful friendship
Still not ready to find a new girl, but i'm sure that will come when it comes

Brun

Just like to thank everyone for their advice last December It's just a shame i didn't follow any of it

Note to Brun - listen to the clever people on Scoobynet, it's for the best

eClaire

It's nice to see that you are both adult enough to be able to still talk to each other in a civilised manner, or even at all! So many times, I have seen breakups when one party is childish enough to completely ignore that the other ever existed, or have a huge chip on their shoulder, even after having something so special!

Maybe I should take some of my own advice lol

SiPie

Brun ...

Hang in there pal

... and console yourself with the glorious truth that you ain't forced to watch the final episode of friends tonight

It's not nice hearing they have a new boyfriend but trust Old SiPie when he says that this is the final kick in the teeth for you mate and you can fully start to get over it now

Have no regrets

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

It will.

Well the new bloke will have a problem with it, whether he lets on about it is another matter - but oh yes he'll prefer you not around.

Brun

Cheers guys.
I always thought love was just a word until i met my now Ex. I now know it's something you feel inside you. To know you truly love someone feels wonderful. I would walk to the end of the earth for the girl, and beyond!
It took me about a year to say to her i loved her - and i thought that was it. After 2 years i began to realise that the love i had for her was like a second heart pumping in my body - it was part of me and still is
I've never been one for crying, but i've been a right soft sod this week. I completely broke down watching Armegeddon
Oh well - i have re-read all the post on this thread and i'll see if i can start working out what i'm gonna do.
Thanks again for taking your time to read the thread and offer your support

XT

Brun mate, It's been 7 months since my break-up(she dumped me too, for no apparent reason, i never cheated, hit her etc etc etc, i start to think that I was too gentle ) of a 3 year relationship(we were living together al this time) and guess what.... I'm single and she has a new guy....
I also thought the same things before I met her. Well, mate I'll tell you something, you can't stop thinking of her, you won't stop thinking of her, she is a part of your life, she will always be, learn to live with your thoughts about her even if they hold you back. I driven away 2 really nice women since my break jhust because they were not....my ex. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe it was a bad thing. I learned to live with insomnia and i was depressed most of the time. I'm not saying that I'm cured now, but I am a lot better( i think ). I don't know when this will end but I learned to live with it. I'm really waiting to be gobsmacked by a girl, that will amaze and make me forget about the ex, but so far nothing .
Dude, Hang in there and 'try'(you can only try, that's for sure) and go forward. You don't have to do big steps, even small ones will do. BTW, i don't keep any contact with my ex and it was my choice, it's harder at the beginning, but better in the long term.

2p from someone who's been (and still going) through a similar situation.

Neverguess

Well said that man

One step forward, two steps back sometimes, it does pass though..........eventually.....I am still learning that myself LOL

My ex is seeing someone now and it hurt at first. Then he asked me to pop round to his this week. Made me realise even more I had made a hard but correct life choice by kicking his **** out the door

Having more and more fun as time goes by and he is becoming a distant memory

weapon69

Brun-sorry to hear your feelings for her are still so raw I've thought i was in love with people before and i'd never live without them but about 6 months later when i hadn't seen them AT ALL , totally 'cold turkey' you could say, i really was over it. Couldn't believe i'd been so blind to some things that i'd put up with. Its nice that you are close friends with your ex, but i would have thought it is really difficult too, to be able to move on and consider other people coming into your life?

Sooz

rsquire

That's is soooo true.. and is the cowards way out.

It is so sad when one party in a relationship cannot be adult and face upto the real situation that exists and by ignoring it is simply just running away from the real world that they refuse to accept.

weapon69

I think that really depends on what sort of relationship you've just come out of!!