An email I just recieved that made me chuckle

> True depiction of the native north easterner - Never a truer email.
> This is for those of you who confuse the three....
>
> Signs that you're a Geordie
>
> 1. You call everyone "pet"
> 2. You think that crossing the Tyne to Gateshead requires jabs & a
> passport
> 3. You think that anyone from South of the Tyne drinks shandy & smells of
> lavender
> 4. You call Newcastle "The Toon"
> 5. You think Eldon Square rivals both the Metro centre & Oxford Street
> 6. Anyone from Middlesbrough is a tw@t
> 7. Anyone from Sunderland is a reet tw@t
> 8. A summer holiday abroad is two weeks along the A1058 Coast Road to
> Whitley Bay
> 9. You still read Viz
> 10. You still find Viz funny
> 11. You call your lunch "bait" (pronounced bayert)
> 12. Your speech is punctuated with "howay!" and "aye"
> 13. You think that Byker Grove should win a BAFTA
> 14. You also think that Ant and Dec have sold out and are now southern
> shandy-drinking girls party dresses
> 15. The A19 south is the road to ruin
> 16. Hexham, Ponteland and in particular Darras Hall are where you aspire
> to live when you win the lottery
> 17. You would rather Man U won the FA cup if you had to choose between
> them, Sunderland & Boro
> 18. You know that if you transpose the initials of The Stadium of Light it
> spells LOST
>
>
> Signs That You're a Mackem:
>
> 1. Shandy is an exotic cocktail
> 2. You would rather cut your own genitals off than support Newcastle or
> The Boro
> 3. Anyone not from Sunderland is deeply suspicious
> 4. You tell everyone you're proud to be a Mackem
> 5. A summer holiday abroad is two weeks North up the A1018 to South
> Shields
> 6. You aspire to live in Newcastle when you win the lottery
> 7. You drink Vaux Double Maxim from a half pint glass believing it to be
> superior to Broon Ale
> 8. When you're away from the north, you drink Broon Ale in a half pint
> glass because no-one knows what
> Double Maxim is, and Broon Ale is northern, innit?
> 9. You're proud of the newly created City of Sunderland when really it's
> just a small village on Tyneside
> 10. You think Sunderland are the biggest football club in the world
> 11. You would rather Man U won the FA cup if you had to choose between
> them, Newcastle & Boro
> 12. If you have a job in the City, it usually means Newcastle
> 13. You aspire to have a job!
> 14. You still think Prefab Sprout are fabulous but secretly you really
> hate them.
> 15. A joyride is collecting your giro in Pennywell
>
>
>
> Signs that you're a Smoggie
>
> 1. You always refer to Middlesbrough as The Boro (pronounced Bura)
> 2. If you're posh and from Middlesbrough , you pronounce it "Middlesbroe"
> 3. You know someone who knows someone else who knows Chubby Brown
> 4. You aspire to live in Yarm or Nunthorpe when you win the lottery
> 5. You have no job and no money, yet you dress only in the most expensive
> designer clothes from Triads and Psyche
> 6. You call everyone "mate"
> 7. You know what a Parmo is
> 8. You think a Parmo is quality food
> 9. You think nothing of going everywhere by taxi
> 10. You character assainante anyone who refers to you as a Geordie
> 11. Anyone from Sunderland is a right tw@t
> 12. You refer to Sunderland's football ground as the Stadium of Sh*te
> 13. You tell everyone that Chris Rea is great, but secretly you hate him
> 14. A summer holiday abroad is two weeks along the Trunk Road to
> Redcar(Whitby if you've won the Pools!)
> 15. You don't trust anyone from Stockton, Hartlepool or
> Sunderland.(especially Hartlepool cos they hang monkeys
> and are inbred)
> 16. If you've been out to dinner, you tell all your colleagues the next
> day what you and your fellow diners had
> for each course
> 17. You refer to your food as "scran", your friends as "mates" and blokes
> as "gadgeys"
> 18. At the end of the night you tell everyone you're "goan nome"
> 19. You find shell suits deeply stylish
> 20. You would rather Man U won the FA cup if you had to choose between
> Sunderland & Newcastle
> 21. You know that if you transpose the initials of The Stadium of Light it
> spells LOST
> 22. You smell consantly of Polyethelyne Tri-chlorate and can only see in
> the dark

[Edited by Chris J - 6/16/2003 11:26:26 PM]