Religious Humour
03 July 2001, 03:57 PM
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Scooby Senior
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Location: Wildberg, Germany/Reading, UK
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These are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins.
1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan
Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk
will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my
little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will
start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new
carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward
and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be
seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
17. Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please
park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
18. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a
good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
19. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
20. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev.
Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all
remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
21. The `eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church
basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan
Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk
will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my
little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will
start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new
carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward
and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be
seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
17. Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please
park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
18. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a
good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
19. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
20. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev.
Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all
remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
21. The `eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church
basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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