AS above

 

When police man pulls me over "I wait'ed all day for you" reply is "well I got here as fast as I could officer!"

 

Looking round my old Mini which had a bored out cammed up race engine in it...

Officer "that looks a tight fit"

Me (desperate for the points obviously) "its a Mini, everything's a tight fit"

5t.

 

Role reversal, Wise Crack from Plod.

Was a passenger in my mate's car one night, and he was motoring a bit.

From behind appears Plod Blue light etc, pulls him over.

Now then, why were you speeding??

My mate "Sorry Officer I was trying to desperately find a S***house!"

Well you just found one, your nicked!!

Happy days!!

Regards


Alan MaC

 

got pulled went to sit in plod car first thing i hear is how the hell can you afford a car like that (was on way home from work in my old clothes) answer i got a real job 1 hr later he let me go lol
he looked at the car and said i bet i can do you for something on this maxed up car ok i sad but the dealer will put it right for free so go for it he was so mad i went home he sat looking for some to donuts to eat lol

 

please tell me you werent really in a max power car ahahaha

 

In my dads old sunny, pulled out of night club car park and wheel span!

Copper pulled me over and asked why I screeched out of the car park,

'Did I' I replied,

'didn't you hear the wheelspin' he said,

'sorry I said, didn't hear it, the stereo was too loud'

 

"why was you speeding son"?

"I've just washed it and its a quick way to get rid of the excess water."

 

Traffic Officer "did you realise you were doing 65mph in a 60mph zone"

Me "Gosh I thought I was going faster than that"

Traffic Officer with bemused look

Me "Sorry i thought it was a 70mph zone"

Very nice man let me off

Most of Traffic Cops I've met are Normal plod are IMHO

 

Plod in unmarked car - "Can you explain why you was blur when you went passed us and its taken us nearly 7 miles to catch you up and we only did so due to traffic?"

Me - "Its Friday. I'm still 100 miles from my local and I've got the M25 to get round at rush hour"

Plod - "Fair point. Nice car. Fancy one of those myself one day. Would you like to dispute a ticket for 96mph and go to court with our video evidence?"

Me - "No. Not a chance. Thank you"

As said, traffic cops will play fair if you do.

 

Never been caught, you're all going too slow

 

Stopped on motorbike in a 60 doing over 80, took lid of and it went something like this
" Oh dear Officer am i in trouble"
"You were doing 87mph in a 60 zone"
" woops my bike is playing up doggy petrol i think it wouldn't go right so i opened it up and it had a splurt thats when i went past you college who got me"

I smiled trying to be all sweetness and light and got let off

 

I heard this one of a police mate of mine, its a bit of an urban legend but he assures me it happened to a friend of a friend of a...

2 traffic bobbies parked up on a motorway slip road see a car doing way over a ton past them.
They eventually catch up with the car and pull it over. The bobbie who gets out strolls over to the drivers window and says "who the f**ck do you think you are, nigel mansell?" and as he looks in the window he gets the reply "Well yes, i do actually." After the traffic bobbie had lifted his jaw off the floor he still did Mr.mansell for speeding.

 

 

Many years ago...I was hungry and en route to McDonalds for tea. I was driving with a "The faster you get there, the sooner you eat" attitude. I vaguely remember seeing some sort of police vehicle in the distance when I went round one of the many corners. No matter I thought, he is miles away.

So I queue up, get my food from the drive through window and am just about to start chomping down on my burger when this copper shows up. He is not looking amused, but before he has time to say anything I say "Would you like a chip?"

"No", he says, "I'd like you to keep ALL of your wheels on the road at the same time"

 

 

Remeber a copper in the pub i used to work in telling me a good one actually.

Coming down a side road, really narrow when he met a car coming the other way. Bloke was CID so unmarked car and a fancy beemer in front of him. Neither car shifted and the shouting started "you back up" "no you" etc.

Eventually a black guy gets out of the beemer, it was boxer Bomber Graham, basically said "listen, I'm Bomber Graham, you do not want to fight over this"

Copper got out "I'm CID, you really don't want to fight me over this"

Bomber backed his car up.

5t.

 

i was caught bang to rights for speeding which was fair enough. The only problem i had with this was the attitude of the copper as he was a complete pen*s.

He took great joy in showing me the in car footage proving that i was speeding so i took great joy in highlighting how good my car looked on the move and asked if i could get a copy of the tape

 

Out of interest, A) Did you get done. B) Did you get a nice Video of your Scoob??

Alan MaC

 

Greyhound?

bTW: Welcome, introduce yourself....

 

A friend of mine lost his licence years ago for drink driving.

He was drunk, driving and speeding with a car full on a stag do. When pulled over he wound down the window and when the officer put his head in the car the officer said "Jesus have you been drinking?"

My mate replied "Trust me to get Sherlock F***ing Holmes!"

All of them spent the night in a cell and my mate was banned & heavily fined.

Whilst I think drink driving is unacceptable this is a funny story and happened in the early eighties when drink driving was more common.

 

yes and no in respectively

In fairness the points were already in the bag as otherwise i might have eased offf on the cheek!

 

Didnt happen to me, but a friend from long ago, who was a Traffic Police Instructor, got pulled after just getting onto the motorway, they got him in the car showing him the video evidence of him doing well over a ton on the same stretch of motorway.

Police " Thought you would throw us off by going up the sliproad and rejoingin did you?"

Mate "Not really i have only just got on the motorway"

Police "But we have you on tape?"

Mate "You have a silver Impreza turbo on your tape but it isnt mine, 1) That one has a big WRX Sticker on the back, and 2) a rear windscreen wiper, and 3) a totally different registration number" Saying this with his car parked in front of them !

Police "Ah"

I think he had a word with their Chief Inspector too, observation skills not a highlight

 

WHAT PHONE OFFICER ??????????



marcus

*sorry the thread starter will understand

 

Little long winded sorry guys

1st got pulled for having a small number plate on the front so he sat me in the back of the police car and started going through the facts saying its illegal bla bla. Then a guy came running over to the police car knocking the drivers window "Quick Quick theres someone breaking into the shop around the corner and there is noise's coming from inside" The police officer turned around and said its your lucky day if we see you with the plate on again we will take the car off you get out, they then shot off. The guy who knocked the window happend to be a mate of mine who made the story up.

2nd time taking it easy whilst out for a spin late at night and passed a police car going in the opposite direction i saw him slam the breaks on then in the distance i could see him spin it around. Thought to myself oh here we go, kept on driving taking it easy he almost caught up with me so i just decided to pull over before he had the chance to get the lights on and ask me to pull over. The officer wasn't impressed when he asked why did i stop there and i told him well you were going to pull me over anyways i couldn't be arsed to keep driving. Got me to change the small plate in the end and they checked the car over thoroughly to try and pin something else on me but no joy.

Melon

 

First time i got stopped i was up my local cruise. Someone let me out of a junction and when i pulled off i wheel spunn a wee bit. So i got pulled over for it. At this ponit i had a Honda HR-V.

Plod= Do you know why i stopped u son.
Me= No. Why
Plod= Ur dangeris driving
Me= OK
Plod= I take it u can offored to distroy ur tyres son
Me= Ye how?
Plod= Do not get cheeky son. No time for ur type.

I later found out they were pulling ppl all nyt for silly little things like that.

Second time.

I was dropping my sister off at glasgow air port. I did not have my front number plate on my civic.

Plod= Why do u not have ur front plate on?
Me= I'v just had my bumper spraid. I got told to leave it off for a few days till the paint dryes.
Plod= Ok just make sour u do.

I can't actually believe they believed me. I did not have a front plate on for about 2 months. Only got stopped that ones

 

expect the proper English society to be around soon

 

just thinking that. if the poster had dyslexia etc fair doo's, but if that was an attempt at "text speak".... heavens cry

 

Only been pulled twice. First time was up in shropshire,came belting up to a roundabout at night,cops out of their car on the roundabout, saw them in my mirror getting into their car and thought "he we go". Took them over 5 miles to catch me though Blue lights came on,into a layby.
They were just doing a random check, but the copper did say it took a while to catch us up and why was that ?
"dunno officer, but I cant vouch for the driving skills of your collegue"
spent the next 5 minutes saying how much he loved scoobs, so I thought it only decent to wheelspin out of the layby and watched him my mirror grinning as i left

second time got pulled for having my fogs on (my son had been pushing all the switches when cleaning the day before ). Just said to the motorbike copper that all Impreza's have their fogs permanently on as they are rally cars. He just went " Oh, ok on you go "

 

My missus was stopped a few years ago. After the initial questions, i.e Is this your car etc? He asked her if she had anything in her car.
"Yes, four seats & a steering wheel" she replied. She got off though

Ant