You are being very civil. She has everything, new fella in honeymoon period, the kids, new place and I'm guessing her name still on your mortgage. I wouldn't be able to do what you're doing right now.


Morals. Morally could you sleep with someone with kids and partner at home?.

Excellent positive advice and well thought through.

I think it speaks volumes about the people who advocate slapping the other bloke. It shows emotional immaturity and insecurity. The other bloke hasn't really done anything wrong, a woman has asked him for a physical relationship and he has obliged.

Those advicing to beat the other guy would probably have no issue with sleeping with a married woman if she was up for it.

This.

It's a screwed up way of thinking. The woman leaves you BUT the bloke wants chinning :D Why? Because it's not socially acceptable to smack some lying, cheating who-er in the chops, but the innocent dude looking to get his dick wet, it is? Dafuq?


Also, another thing I don't get. When the breakup happens, you get told "go on a holiday, fcuk some Thai bitches, go get hammered, spend moolah on your dream car". Sorry but not everyone is on a wage/income which depicts £1,000's can be suddenly found for the above. If my Mrs left me, I'd be no better off in a sense due to paying child maintenance etc. In a perfect world, yeah I'd go and have a blow out but I haven't got the expendable cash. :wonder:

OP, there's a few good posts on here with genuine advice - the rest... well I'd put that big pinch of salt required on a burger and sh1t it out! :D

Its hard to stay neutral and do nothing,but the right way is usually the harder way.It would be so easy to go the wrong way and start a fight with some bloke she's hooked up with,but don't let her or him drag you down to that level.
Even though you will be hurting inside and you'll have many thoughts going on in your head.If you let it get inside of you,then it will drag you down to the lowest of lows,and then you got an inward battle within yourself to fight back out of it again.Don't let it drag you down into that low state.Chin Up,be strong and keep pushing forward.

I wish I'd have had the cash to go away, instead I wallowed and thoughts spiraling in my head made the situation much much worse. The OP didn't mention his financial situation until after most peoples advice.

I agree :thumb:

Although say after a breakup or sudden unexpected change like in the OP's case, I wouldn't say you have to throw £1,000's at a solution. As others have said, re-igniting your social life by meeting new people or seeing mates more often needn't cost loads, or even a break away in this country if finances don't allow warmer or classy climes :D

If it were me, the worst things would be dwelling, sinking into drink night after night, or trying to ignore your natural feelings. I'd personally try look on the positive side, especially with having a son to see or look towards custody etc. Sh1tty day at work? My son's at home waiting to greet me with a poopy nappy :lol1::lol1:

Cheers again guys for all the input.
Her name isnt on the mortgage, she had such bad debt from a young age she wasnt able to go onto the mortgage so it has always been in my name only.
The worst part is the house, it has so many memories for me i get upset by silly things as i think back,yet she has a new rented place (i paid deposit on it, went guarantor, mug i know) but if i didnt, i didnt want a more resentful relationship as i knew she wanted out and we were living 2 seperate lives as it was under the 1 roof.

as she has a fresh place, no memories etc its easier for her to move on, so i might sell eventually.

I guess i just have to man up and stop being a pu ssy, she has moved on, so why is it harder for me, thats what i keep asking myself ?

:lol:

It's hard for everyone, mate. 15 years is a long time.

You are actually stronger than most people, particularly the knuckle draggers suggesting hitting the guy. That's the weak way out and will only temporarily alleviate some of your sadness, if any at all. So you're doing it the hard way and the right way. Just stay on track and things will gradually get better.

The big change for me came with a new job. I'd been at home with my Son for over a year as he was born with a hole in his heart, so went from being with him 24/7 to 6hrs a week. I'd lost all my mates along the way because they disliked her. In my new job at the time i plunged myself in and soon became supervisor. I started going out drinking with one of the lads at work and through his mrs met my g/f of 8yrs.

I went through hell and i wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Getting away at the start would have done me the world of good.


Would boxing pictures, memorabilia, clothes etc with any memories help at all, if only in the short term?. Seeing her regularly probably doesn't help with the healing process. Would someone be prepared to get the kids for you for a month or so, just until you get used to not seeing her? My brother kindly did this for me for some time as things were very messy.

Yeah, i think i`ll have to box them away and put them in the loft, they are out of sight but within reach, so when i`m low i`ll look at them and get all woosy LOL, so if they are all out the way, i cant do it i guess.

She hasnt taken any pics at all so it says how she feels i guess, yet when she`s nice to me, all smiles when dropping off the kids, i just look at her and think, god damn, someone else is tapping that now LOL, it doesnt help she is quite fit, she had about 20 guys on facebook after her when she announced our ending of the relationship LOL, us guys dont have that luck do we !!

i dont have anyone who could collect the kids etc, ive just got to get on with it, but by god, its hard, my appetite has gone, when thats back i guess i`ll know i`m on the mend so to speak.
And they say men are not in touch with their feminine side LOL

Good post, Ding. :thumb:


To the wounded:

Your partner was supposed to be your soulmate, she should have been faithful to you, not her new fella. Not that you should go chin your ex instead. I’m just just reasoning here. You shouldn’t chin anyone. Just keep your chin up. Its just a blip. Life is a long road. You will meet trustworthy people one day.

As a wounded healer of the soul :cool: :D I sympathise with the OP and agree that it’s a terrible shock when your estranged partner finds someone else so soon after splitting with you. I started to re-decorate my house frantically when that happened to me. All very unconsciously symbolic. I just couldn’t work out why fourteen years meant so little to him. He replaced me just like that <thumbclick> like one if his cars. :D I was the one who instigated the split, but even then, it fcuking hurt, man! I dealt with it by keeping myself busy with other things e.g. my work and studies etc. and I was fine. The moral of the story is- give it time, things will get better, and you will move on. :thumb:

My advice to The Rig is to stay firm on the ground. You can’t just stop loving someone, but in time, you will rationalise and come to conclusion that they do not deserve your love. Then you start to feel better. You have had a terrible let down. It will continue to hurt for a long time, and let it hurt. Let it hurt; to the point that one day, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Talk to people here (if you don’t have a social circle), take it all out of your system, and displace your anger by picking up some sport. I have noticed that some men, even if it was their fault e.g. affair, one night stand or something else, they go cycling on long routes to deal with the hurt from split, or they may join the gym. It does help, they say.

Other than that, I appreciate that threads like this are cathartic for men (rightfully so). It is actually realistic to see that women also have a capacity to break hearts immorally, and men are not the only ones to be demonised all the time, which the society is very accustomed to. But some comments indicating that all women are double-crossers even more derogatory comments for women don’t seem reasonable. Not all women are cheats and money grabbing twohats. There are a lot of money grabbing and cheating men, too. So, generalising isn’t fair IMO.

Men or women, in a more equal society like the one we live, these sort of things will happen. In other societies, men will have more than one wives/concubines and stone the cheating woman to death.

In any case, one shouldn't lose the trust in humankind altogether.

Whenever a relationship breaks down it's hard, the only thing to do is look forward to the next bird your going to be tapping.

This one don't want you, so no point dwelling on it, clear all her sh1t out and burn it on the back lawn.

Job done, at the end of the day, do you want a woman that would do what she has done?

What you miss is your idea of what you had, but obviously she did not have the same idea, so you never really had it, so in effect nothing to miss.

Sad but true, your better off with out here, and it's just a matter of time before you realise it, how long that takes is up to you.

I usually set myself a mourning period of a week, and after that they don't exist.

what ever you do DON"T get into a fight with her "new fella" no point in screwing your life up, they deserve each other.:thumb:

Right now, it may well almost feel like your partner has died. You feel a sense of loss and how do you go on? A lot of what you feel at the moment might be fear of the unknown and what to do next. Sadly, you have little choice but to pick yourself up and move forward. She is most likely not going to have a change of heart and even if she did, would you want her back? No, so get back out there and live life. That doesn't mean shagging about (unless that is your thing), just get back into socialising away from a family situation. Be there for your kids, as I'm sure you will be and remaining civil, no matter how difficult is the best thing in the long run. The kids shouldn't suffer any more than they have to because parents have split.

In answer to the question, can people fall out of love?? Well, yes probably. I think it depends upon what people consider love to be. Is it purely physical and about physical attention? Is it about attention generally? I think in a long term relationship, a lot of the time things can become 'familiar', in that a couple end up sort of co existing and getting along, the 'love' whatever that means may slip away. It isn't always about fault, just how time can play things out. I'm sure many people accept this and because they love each other, or think they do, they carry on, but some people will long for the original feelings and either look elsewhere, or at least walk away from what they see as dead. No doubt in time, she may well feel the same way towards this new bloke and he'll end up binned too.

Did you feel in anyway the same? Like the spark had gone and you were both just plodding along, 'happily'? Would you have carried on that way, but she wasn't willing to? Did/do you really still absolutely love her, or are you just scared of starting all over again? You may still love her, and have been oblivious to any problem, and she may just be a selfish cow, in which case you are still better off without her in the long run.

Thing with relationships, they are complex and over time, what people want can change, or they can just become bored. People can change, and things they once agreed on, they find themselves not. In some relationships, people will fight for it, some walk away, in this case, she has chosen to walk. It's not always a case of affording blame, it can just be how things have gone and one or both partners can't carry on.

So in summary, it's a case of things have fizzled out and she didn't think it was worth the fight, or she is just a slag ;), either way, as hard as it is, it's probably best to part company, as this would have happened one day, and the relationship now may well go the same way.

Go out with mates, do stuff you may have put to one side due to family and move on as best you can. The hurt will pass and hopefully in time, you will end up a stronger person for this.

Good luck in life and I'm really sorry for such a long post. I hope some may make some sense, and I don't blame you if you decide life is too short to bother reading it. :o:lol1:

Absoloutly spot on Lisa :)

Mart

****ing money grabbing pshychotic biatches the lot of ya. divorced for 12 years now and still makes my pish boil (well simmer anyway);)

It's hard but you need to take every positive from every situation. When feeling low try not to wallow in the low times and think positive.


Remember one thing ...... Every dog has its day ! Trust me it's so true.
Keep positive and that day will come.

Cheers all for the input, some good words and some good points made, made me feel better reading them :-)

Thanks

I feel very sorry that you have to go through all this. It is an awful episode in your life and I can understand your personal feelings about it.

All you can do is to carry on as best you can, the best cure is going to be time as always. The ache and disappointment will fade eventually and hopefully something or someone will come along which will help you to get over it completely.

Les