I don't have such a probem with "management-speak" as it's one of my team's hobbies to try to seed new management-speak phrases with our senior management by just dropping them in and seeing if they pick them up. So far we've managed to get quite a few into circulation. :D

Our current project is combining "Totality" with "Granularity" in the same sentence. :lol1:

It's a sad existence but we don't hurt anybody by doing it ;)

'I'm good thanks'

'Cheer up, it might never happen'

'Oooh, I've got loads of 'Bags for Life' but I've left them in the car'

'.........and I was like.......and he was like......'

:mad:

"Hit the ground running" makes me want to swing at someone and I also can't stand the "can I get".

"I don't swallow" is always disappointing too :(

I like the one about brains and being dangerous! :D

"if you like" irritates me and all the business speak style Americanisms which creep in these days.

The use of "proven" instead of "proved" "Proven" is an ancient Scottish legal term and is not English. Some smartarse thought that up because he thought it looked good.

Les

Les

Yes, business folks are usually pretty good at these.
Here's some I hear quite often, I also like to play games with these guys and just make up my own to see if they react

Turn key solution
Tom foolery
Get them in the long grass
Swings and roundabouts
Horses for courses
Cloak and dagger
Dot the I's and cross the T's
Plough your own forrows
One stop shop

Shaun

Well, coming at this with a helicopter view, what we as a team need here to get buy in is to, you know, leverage a team brainbang with some quality face time to make sure we're all facing north, so that we can run a few ideas up the flagpole and then see who salutes?
By being creovative like that we should be able push for an actionable win win solution that will enables ourselves together to capture all the low hanging fruit in an ongoing manner and will impact us into the incentivisation programme in a meaningful manner
Speaking for myself on behalf of the team we owe it to ourselves not to make this just a box ticking session but to create some serious out of the loop time to bring our big guns to bear on these paradigms

:mad:

'Incentivise' I feckin' hate that word! :mad:

old splice

"I'm smiling at you"




(a seriously creepy way to sign off a praising email from a senior management buffoon to a harassed underling that i once saw)

It gets worse!

Les

Anything that James Allen says is annoying :mad:

"Do you get me?" and "Evidentally" Bloody hate that one!

I never understood the term "falling head over heels..." since your head is always over your heels. Surely it should be heels over head...

Or falling Arse over tit perhaps? :D

"Not up there just yet" :mad:

At the end of the day

All things being equal

Basically (which means - I don't understand what I'm saying, but the inclusion of this word gives the premise of simplicity so if you don't understand it then it's you that's thick)

Actually (which means either - I'm lying, or I'm not too sure but am trying to make out that I fully understand what I'm saying)

GMTV's weather girls must use the same script-writer, as they both include 'What this/that means' in every forecast, sometimes several times.

And not forgetting the classic....'Ow ! Wrong hole :mad: '

Du ya now wha i meen..! .....:mad:


espesh. uttered from gob of a Crawleyite :cry:



actually i have a quite smirk now at how absurd/unfortuanate they sound

Oooh............that is seriously creepy! Enough to give you the willies! :cuckoo: :freak3:

How does it make you feel "as a person" :mad:

and

in business speak "what will you bring to the party" when they just mean "what will you do" :mad:

I went into a meeting with business types once wearing a t-shirt bearing the logo

"I bring absolutely nothing to the table" :D

"I'm not trying to build an empire...." :mad:

Business meeting - chairperson trying to delegate (or trying to prevent himself from getting any actions):-

Him "I'll action you to do that"
Me "Sorry that's not in my workstream"
Him "But we want the best man for the job"
Me "That's clearly you then..."
Him "You're not helping much here"
Me "Are you kidding look at the amount of actions I have so far compared to your own!"
The room goes quiet..

The above happend a few weeks back and I was quite proud :)

ya get me,

but i keep saying it lol.

i'll be round first thing monday morning. please point to me on a bloody clock where is says 'first thing'. i am not a frigging mind reader:mad:

this is normally said by a builder.................who then turns up last thing on a wednesday:rolleyes:

"Step up to the plate" Baseball term, used widely by my American bosses.

Holistic, synergy, diversity, convergence, "I know you're busy, but...", "It says press any key, what do I press?", think outside the box.

And the winner is.....

"Have a nice day" Feck of you Wayne Kerr:razz: :mad:

The current one at work is "we are where we are", usually utterred by a lesser manager when I'm trying to get them to explain why their team has fcuked up when they don't want to admit it's their fault. It's usually followed by "moving forward, we'll get a scrum together and have a lessons learned session". No! Just do your job right!

When someone doesnt know the answer or they dont want to tell you the answer...

"It's one of them"

One of what?!?!?! Just bloody tell me!

I agree with Corradoboy "At the end of the day", why do you have to wait until the end of the day?

How do you stop yourself getting up and punching them spark out? :wonder: :D

"You can't have your cake and eat it"

Oh no?
Could I have some cake please? Thank you...munch munch. Hmmm, I just had my cake and ate it.


Now, "You can't eat your cake and have it"

"Anal ?, ok then, Ill get the Strap-On"

"Dont Stop"......

"Its a full moon"

"Bite down on this"

Proved, as in Woved, Falled and forgotted?