Northern jokes
31 October 2002, 11:00 AM
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What do you call two straight days of rain up North?
A weekend.
It only rains twice a year up North:
August through April and May through July.
What does daylight-saving time mean up North?
An extra hour of rain.
What's the definition of a Northern optimist?
A guy with a sun visor on his rain hat.
"I can't believe it," said the Southern tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."
A curious fellow died one day and found himself in limbo waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others were led over to Satan, who threw them into a lake of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him or her to one side.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. He strolled over and tapped Old Nick on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, there, Your Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, and I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing some people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hades with the others?"
"Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are Northerners. I'm letting them dry out so they'll burn."
A Southern newcomer to the North arrives on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. He goes out to lunch and sees a young boy and asks out of despair, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How do I know? I'm only 6."
A weekend.
It only rains twice a year up North:
August through April and May through July.
What does daylight-saving time mean up North?
An extra hour of rain.
What's the definition of a Northern optimist?
A guy with a sun visor on his rain hat.
"I can't believe it," said the Southern tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."
A curious fellow died one day and found himself in limbo waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others were led over to Satan, who threw them into a lake of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him or her to one side.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. He strolled over and tapped Old Nick on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, there, Your Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, and I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing some people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hades with the others?"
"Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are Northerners. I'm letting them dry out so they'll burn."
A Southern newcomer to the North arrives on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. He goes out to lunch and sees a young boy and asks out of despair, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How do I know? I'm only 6."
31 October 2002, 11:58 AM
#3
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Some years ago a farmer on the Lancs/Yorks border was being interviewed on the TV about how the changes to the county borderline (he was moving from Yorks to Lancs) would affect him, he replied that it would make much much difference, the only thing he was worried about was getting 'their bl00dy weather'.
If Yorkshire weather is so good then why are you all such miserable barstewards
Lights blue touch paper and retires to safe distance...
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