Just a couple of recent ones...

Guy at work said his old Golf R32 was modded to 330bhp. "Oh it had forced induction then?" I asked. "No mate, just a s/s exhaust and some other mods".

Another chap at work said he is going to buy a new 370Z with 370bhp. "No such model", i said. He replies "this is a special limited edition".
I look online knowing i probably wouldn't find anything...

What is it with these people?

Btw i'm not bothered, i'm just interested to hear other amusing stories like this..

Nick

 

These people have small *****, they only talk sh1te to make them feel better.

 

I don't understand why they do it, either. These days it's so easy to check, too. I had one guy who was adamant that he once owned a Cav V6 turbo that was a factory model. Billy Liars.

 

One of the lads I used to work with was convinced his car would text him when low on fuel ..

He couldn't grasp how pointless that would actually be ..

 

my ***** 15 inches long.............

 

[----------------------] = 6inches.

thats why women r no good at measuring

 

When I do the odd sarnie run to the greasy caravan for some bacon and egg butties I sometimes do the mistake of taking my R32 instead of the van. I have to bite my lip everytime as usually there is some **** in the queue ready to spout some bollocks about how nice it is...then it goes onto mentioning they either own or owned a car that is somehow better...

The things is I love cars, but I hate talking bulls**t about them....
some recent exanple (accomapanied with my thoughts):

Oh you used to have a GTi with 300bhp did you? I don't f**ing care!

You have a Impreza at home? Yeah I had one too. Yours was a 2.5wrx with 450bhp? How? Just a backbox you say? Just go and f**k off before I ram the sauce bottle up your ****!

What MPG does it do? Yes it does 21mpg. I don't f**king care if your ****ty Peugeot Bipper does 70mpg (which it can't ), its a f**king Bipper, its f**king French, and its s**t.

What is worse though is technical bulls**ters, I'm currently taking issue with a guy who is a mechanic at a main dealership. A supposed holy grail. He ain't. Last run -in he had with me is with how bypassing a media device on a Audi A4/A5/A6/A8 by using a optical bridge lead can blow all the other media units in the car. Utter bollocks...why? ITS FIBRE OPTIC. All each unit on the loop does is output what it recieves at the input by flashing LEDs on and off. A cable that transmits light from a LED cannot blow a control unit, its electrically impossible. The only thing it will do is log a code in tehe CAN gateway unit if it can't communicate with a unit it thinks should be there. Which if one does the coding right will never happen as the CAN gateway will know what units are installed or not and not bother trying to communicate with the ones that aren't there anymore.
To anyone who tried to understand that last paragraph...sorry. But basically speaking in lamens is its like trying to connect to a computer on a network that is switched off. Nothing bad happens, it just gives an error. Nothing blows up.

 

I exaggerate at most things. I cut myself, it's the end of the world. Well it looks it with all that blood.

 

like that story you once told us about faye......................

 

The truth is that people are boring. Just going about our boring, normal lives doing boring, normal jobs. However, some people dont want to seem boring so start with the exaggerations to make themselves seem more interesting.

 

This.

I was talking to a chap we know with a slight interest in cars. We got onto his hire car, a Mondeo diesel. He asked what the top speed of the BM was (limited to 155). Told him its limited but some have just about touched 160. He said "the same as the Mondeo then."

Tee hee!!

 

I used to work with a bloke who was known as "Black dog".if you had one his would be blacker!!

 

One of the most random stories we were told by the fella I used to work with, was that he could stand at a lamppost and throw a tennis ball, said ball would hit the next lamppost in the street and come back to him...

Odd ..

 

One of the most random stories we were told by the fella I used to work with, was that he could stand at a lamppost and throw a tennis ball, said ball would hit the next lamppost in the street and come back to him...

Odd ..

 

Last year i popped into the local Motabitz to pick up a switch, whilst making my way over to pay i noticed some fella grinning at me.

As i got to the till he asked if that was my EVO parked outside to which i said yes, its for sale do you want to buy it, to which he replied no because he has a Scooby.
Trying to look as interested as i could( because i'd already worked out he's a muppet) I mentioned ive had a few scoobys from stock to 450bhp to which he replys "mines 620"

So i asked what the spec is, turbo etc....He looked at me a little confused and replied "Its got one of those dials fitted that tunes it up when you turn it" whilst making a rotating movement with his hand..

................oh he had what looked like a stock Bug WRX parked in the carpark...

 

Do you remember the Ferrari MGF on eBay thread?
Classic example.

When I had my very distinctive Clasic Wagon with 800bhp non turbo engine, all sorts of people would want to talk about it and tell me that they used to own a fast...whatever.

Now I have an Aerodeck I just get admiring glances from The M & S set.
I often cruise around our local M & S car park blasting out my recordings of desert island discs.

 

there only being honest with you, R32's are crap

 

its amazing how many people have "a mate" with a 500 bhp impreza, even more so as not many genuine ones actually exist.

 

but i've got several mates with 500+, does that count?

 

Yeah... a guy at work often tells me how many miles he gets from his Volvo D.... Sorry Grandad not for me

 

you have mates??? come on now i know its the internet but..........

 

hey, I didnt say they thought i was a mate

stop bullying me,,,,,,,

 

In the Royal Navy we used to call that 'Black Cat'

If you've had 1, he's had 2.
If yours is 8 inches, his is 10 inches etc. etc.

 

Why do people think its all about **** size...? my other half know more about cars than most blokes.. and she doesnt have a cokc....

Simple stupidity on most cases.

For what its worth my new fuel chip off ebay just added 99 bhp. Only cost me a fiver and it plugs into the ciggy lighter....

 

not what I was expecting you to say

 

there is a guy woody I used to work with that was totally full of ****
him and another one of my work mate mark were working on a oil rig
and woody told everyone he had a modified golf r32 and when my mate
mark heard about this he said to the guys on the rig that woody doesn't have a golf r32
and all the rig crew thought my mate mark was lying LOL

the guy woody that told everyone he had a r32 didn't even have a driving licence PMSL

 

Woody has a really small **** then.

 

Went to college with a guy who claimed that his bog standard escort had an extra 50 horses from being chipped.....he had glued a circuit board to the engine bay....

 

Worked with a guy who everyone used to call "trump".

In that if you had an elephant, he had a box to put it in.

Also used to know a guy with a 1.4 Saxo that could do 145mph apparently. If he was caught speeding it didn't matter as he knew all the police around the area.

 

he might of had a tiny willie
I think woody also tried to compensate for his looks also
as woody looked like a retard eating sherbet