jods

Don't get me wrong - I'm an easy going sort who just enjoys driving the Scooby to the Max whilst celebrating MCFC's recent promotion to the Premier league. I do a reasonable job of sorting out the needs of the Oracle Financials, and some BRAINHEAD starts grilling me on data normalisation - Eh ? Come again ?

Anyone give me a clue ?

ScoobyDoo555

Just my 2p, but this bloke sounds like an utter 'jobsworth' - play him at his own game (if you need stuff off him etc)......

Otherwise, do the opposite (without afftecting your job performance!!) - just wind him up.

I had the same thing at my old job - got over it by learning all about his job and running rings around him - the bloke was a TOTAL waste of skin........

Either that or punch his lights out!!!

Dan

shippd

Try the collected works of Codd and Date on relational databases. But are you seriously telling us you work with Oracle and you don't know what normalization is ?? Hellooooo.....!

Crispin

Tell him to take his foreign key - and ram it where the sun don't shine

lpitt

Have a look at: http://www.datamodel.org/NormalizationRules.html

This explains normalization quickly to give you a throwback response!

Laurence

TopBanana

Learn the formal definitions of the differing orders of normalization. Hardly anyone knows (or at least remembers) them!

DJ Dunk

iTrader: (5)

One word . . . . . .







Laxatives

fast bloke

make stuff up. If you do it with enough authority he won't question it. Works for me

druddle

I say belt him in the plums.

Seamus300

Don't say a word, just look at him like he's the stupidest person you've ever spoken to.

paulr

..sh*g his wife....then smile at him ever time you see him......

tony1979

Laugh hysterically for about 30 seconds then say: "Stop! You're killing me!"

I'd like to stress that this may not help, but it should buy you some time.

carpet

Tell him what he wants - that'll stop him asking you !



Oh yeh then take a big **** on his desk ! that'll make sure !

[Edited by carpet - 4/17/2002 2:12:50 PM]

zoog

Ask the pedant to give you the data normalisation on when he expects to lose his virginity.

Kevin Mc

Bloke sounds like a real ***.

Here's another URL:

http://www.prestwood.com/forums/data...normalize.html

Hugely dull though!

If that doesn't do the trick, hit him several times with a large Oracle book!

Kevin Mc

And to quote that very page:

Just tell him that!

No, on second thoughts, the large Oracle book option would be more satisfying!

I need to get out more...!

ScottyScoob

Got someone like that at my office just go into his pc and open up word and change the settings so when he types a normal letter like A and presses space a long sentance like " Get a life you sad F**" comes up.

astraboy

Here I go.....
Try diverting every phone in the building to his phone. Make sure you do your phone as well to avoid suspicion.
astraboy.

astraboy

Get a syringe and spend an evening injecting the foam in his chair with water. To the touch it will remain dry, but the water at the core will rise out when he sits on it.
astraboy.

DJ Dunk

iTrader: (5)

Uh Oh, Its Astraboys huge list of nasty but incredibly funny revenge attacks

PS. Email the list please mate

astraboy

Start up a couple of subscriptions to as many devient **** mags as you can find. Put the name of the person in question at the top, but the office address of the MD underneath. Then wait for the phone call.
"Hello, your copy of chunky asses has just arrived, want to come up here to collect it? How about picking up your P45 while youre here."
astraboy.

astraboy

Tea is such a dull drink. Spice up your victims with anything that takes your fancy.
Laxatives (as have already been mentioned)
Ambesol (for that minty tang )
or Immodium (to see if one person really can **** out a wardrobe without exploding)

astraboy.

astraboy

(Dunk, YHM mate)
Heh, if the guy has his own office, how about borrowing its door for a while? You'll be surprised how much a door can be missed when you dont have one.
When the replacement has been ordered, return it with the note
"Borrowed door retuned, cheers mate!"

astraboy.

astraboy

Know they guys home address? Everyone loves a party, So print up a couple of thousand flyers on the photocopier advertising a party at the guys home address. Make sure people come along by advertising things like "all the beer you can drink" and "the crowning of the Satan's Brotherhood Miss Biker 2002" and "all night party, 22k sound rig, free entry, harcore junglism all night"
Then freely distribute aound all the biker bars, rave venues and illegal drinking dens within 10 miles.

astraboy.

astraboy

Bit involves this one, but well funny if it works.
Call up the electric or gas company and impersonate the bloke. Request that service be terminated for a week or two (going on vacation, or whatever). As soon as that happens, call the guy. Impersonate an officer of the gas/electric company, and be very nasty and abusive, saying that service has been discontinued because of non-payment of bills. This should rile him up good, asasuming that he HAS paid his bill and knows it. At any rate, tell him he must come down to the office immediately to discuss the problem or you will send the police to his house to collect, or something like that. Then, once you have him all upset and angry, and know he is going to the gas/electric company, call up that company. Impersonate him again. Be very nasty, and try to get into an argument with a supervisor. Wind up the conver- sation by saying that you are coming down there right now with a gun, and you are going to kill somebody. Then slam the phone down.

astraboy.

astraboy

Does the guy leave his bag/ breifcase on his desk? Buy a cheap but realistic toy gun and leave it in the bottom of his bag, or even better, offer to move his car and plant it in there. Then call up the police and say you saw this guy waving a gun around.

astraboy.

astraboy

Is they guy single? Then why not help him along the way with a few singles adverts with his phone number in the text. If he is straight then a few ads in the gay section might be in order.

astraboy.

astraboy

heh, you could always place a call to the local steel mesh company and "accidentaly" order somthing in his name...
You never know what uses the guy has for a 70,000 pound steel coil dumped on his front lawn

astraboy.

astraboy

Does the guy get thirsty in the office? Then why not get him a cup of water so its waiting for him when he comes in? Why not get a couple hundred? Why not staple the cups together so the read "****" on his desk?
Why not fill them all with water so its a hellish operation to get rid of them?

astraboy.