The UK Compared to the rest of the world!!
10 April 2009, 01:58 PM
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The UK Compared to the rest of the world!!
This is quality!!
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE UK VERSION
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE UK VERSION
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
10 April 2009, 02:24 PM
#2
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Very good, what an accurate description of how this country is being brought to its knees!
I think you ought to send that direct to Flash, copied to the British press, and ask for an explanation of it all.
Les
I think you ought to send that direct to Flash, copied to the British press, and ask for an explanation of it all.
Les
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12 April 2009, 09:48 AM
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No, nor me and agreed!
No wonder we have so many lazy, work shy home grown grashoppers and why so many foreign grasshoppers hop across the rest of Europe to land in the UK - the streets really are paved with handouts!
No wonder we have so many lazy, work shy home grown grashoppers and why so many foreign grasshoppers hop across the rest of Europe to land in the UK - the streets really are paved with handouts!
Last edited by The Zohan; 12 April 2009 at 09:51 AM.
12 April 2009, 11:44 AM
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Then his phone rings (looked a nice newish one when I looked over). Couldn't help but overhear the conversation as he was SHOUTING A LITTLE. Basically he fell out on the phone with his "bezzy m8" as he refused to quit his job and do drugs all day.I had to walk outside and gather my thoughts while counting to 10.
The above is 100% true
I'm so glad I've got an interview this coming Friday ffs. Pond life, absolute pond life, and gives the genuine cases a horrible reputation.
12 April 2009, 11:52 AM
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All handouts should stop after 6 months, and if still unemployed the person in question should be made to sweep the roads/pick up litter/cut park grass for their £handouts until they get a job.
12 April 2009, 04:12 PM
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But, it's worth noting that if you become unemployed and go onto contributions based JSA (which I am on currently as I have paid well into the system since 18), it can be stopped after 6 months. This is as its reassessed depending on your income by the government and if your partner/wife/significant other living with you earns more than £95 a week they stop it. You can still have your NI stamp paid, but you recieve nothing by means of "dole" payments.
The folk who seem to have been on it for years probably use a combination of disease, disability, unemployed household, fraud naturally, and other reasons. I was once ashamed to go sign on, but since I stopped listening to the c***s and realised I'm entitled to a little help when the chips are down, it put me personally into a better frame of mind, and halleulah I could be earning once again soon. It's a shame some folk use it as a way of life and then bring children into the world on the same mental scape. When things went **** up last April for me, I could have popped a sprog out and claimed all manner of benefits for years and lived off the state... but I didn't. Some have a different p.o.v. though it seems.
I'll leave it there.
12 April 2009, 05:17 PM
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General right idea for the ones unemployed through choice. Maybe not for unemployed through circumstances beyong their control.
But, it's worth noting that if you become unemployed and go onto contributions based JSA (which I am on currently as I have paid well into the system since 18), it can be stopped after 6 months. This is as its reassessed depending on your income by the government and if your partner/wife/significant other living with you earns more than £95 a week they stop it. You can still have your NI stamp paid, but you recieve nothing by means of "dole" payments.
The folk who seem to have been on it for years probably use a combination of disease, disability, unemployed household, fraud naturally, and other reasons. I was once ashamed to go sign on, but since I stopped listening to the c***s and realised I'm entitled to a little help when the chips are down, it put me personally into a better frame of mind, and halleulah I could be earning once again soon. It's a shame some folk use it as a way of life and then bring children into the world on the same mental scape. When things went **** up last April for me, I could have popped a sprog out and claimed all manner of benefits for years and lived off the state... but I didn't. Some have a different p.o.v. though it seems.
I'll leave it there.
But, it's worth noting that if you become unemployed and go onto contributions based JSA (which I am on currently as I have paid well into the system since 18), it can be stopped after 6 months. This is as its reassessed depending on your income by the government and if your partner/wife/significant other living with you earns more than £95 a week they stop it. You can still have your NI stamp paid, but you recieve nothing by means of "dole" payments.
The folk who seem to have been on it for years probably use a combination of disease, disability, unemployed household, fraud naturally, and other reasons. I was once ashamed to go sign on, but since I stopped listening to the c***s and realised I'm entitled to a little help when the chips are down, it put me personally into a better frame of mind, and halleulah I could be earning once again soon. It's a shame some folk use it as a way of life and then bring children into the world on the same mental scape. When things went **** up last April for me, I could have popped a sprog out and claimed all manner of benefits for years and lived off the state... but I didn't. Some have a different p.o.v. though it seems.
I'll leave it there.
But I'm at a loss to understand why you're still not working yet, there are still jobs galore for people despite the recession, so why is it that people don't get them?
Is it a case of being too picky; the old "I'm worth more than that" or "I'm not lowering myself to that task"... I really can't get my head round it. If I was made redundant I'd do anything I could to earn a crust and if it meant road sweeping then I'd make sure I was the best road sweeper in the area!
DCI
12 April 2009, 05:21 PM
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^^^
CoB, that's a genuine question not a pop BTW; If you don't want to post about your circumstances then please ignore my question.
CoB, that's a genuine question not a pop BTW; If you don't want to post about your circumstances then please ignore my question.
12 April 2009, 05:32 PM
#16
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you snetter make me laugh
for the last 20 years it not the "grasshoppers" who have given you a right old shafting (to the tune of billions and billions) but the bankers, management consultants, corportate tax evaders
as i said in another post, the same people peddling dodgy mortgages are now peddling dodgy dept management, and still making money, but fvck it blame the "grasshoppers"
I think you guys need to re aim your gunsights
the sort of rubbish above reminds me of how Hitler mobilised the german population in the 30's
for the last 20 years it not the "grasshoppers" who have given you a right old shafting (to the tune of billions and billions) but the bankers, management consultants, corportate tax evaders
as i said in another post, the same people peddling dodgy mortgages are now peddling dodgy dept management, and still making money, but fvck it blame the "grasshoppers"
I think you guys need to re aim your gunsights
the sort of rubbish above reminds me of how Hitler mobilised the german population in the 30's
12 April 2009, 06:50 PM
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I don't know you from "Adam" and my opinion is based purely on the information you've supplied to the forum over the last year, but you don't strike me as somebody that wants to be on the dole...
But I'm at a loss to understand why you're still not working yet, there are still jobs galore for people despite the recession, so why is it that people don't get them?
Is it a case of being too picky; the old "I'm worth more than that" or "I'm not lowering myself to that task"... I really can't get my head round it. If I was made redundant I'd do anything I could to earn a crust and if it meant road sweeping then I'd make sure I was the best road sweeper in the area!
DCI
But I'm at a loss to understand why you're still not working yet, there are still jobs galore for people despite the recession, so why is it that people don't get them?
Is it a case of being too picky; the old "I'm worth more than that" or "I'm not lowering myself to that task"... I really can't get my head round it. If I was made redundant I'd do anything I could to earn a crust and if it meant road sweeping then I'd make sure I was the best road sweeper in the area!
DCI
Mr X earns 30k a year in his old job,
His outgoings are....
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
as he,s unemployed, the mortgage & CC/car loan are all covered by
insurance policy,s so he,s holding his head above water...
Now under the DCI charter, he,s told to take a job, any job so the JC meet there targets
The new job only pays 24K
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
Unfortunatly on 24k he brings home £200 less, so he cannot aford to pay his CC/car loan....
he defaults, and his car is repossed. and he gets a ccj for nonpayment.
As he has no car, he cant get to work, so he loses his job.....
and he,s back on benefits....
with no car & a CCJ to boot, and bailiffs chasing him for moneys owed.
thats why people are so anti being told to take any job....
Also when you go for an interview, (assuming you get one!!)
"ah mr X your applying for a senior managers job, yet your last job was road sweeper..."
Mart
12 April 2009, 07:13 PM
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Its quite simple....
Mr X earns 30k a year in his old job,
His outgoings are....
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
as he,s unemployed, the mortgage & CC/car loan are all covered by
insurance policy,s so he,s holding his head above water...
Now under the DCI charter, he,s told to take a job, any job so the JC meet there targets
The new job only pays 24K
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
Unfortunatly on 24k he brings home £200 less, so he cannot aford to pay his CC/car loan....
he defaults, and his car is repossed. and he gets a ccj for nonpayment.
As he has no car, he cant get to work, so he loses his job.....
and he,s back on benefits....
with no car & a CCJ to boot, and bailiffs chasing him for moneys owed.
thats why people are so anti being told to take any job....
Also when you go for an interview, (assuming you get one!!)
"ah mr X your applying for a senior managers job, yet your last job was road sweeper..."
Mart
Mr X earns 30k a year in his old job,
His outgoings are....
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
as he,s unemployed, the mortgage & CC/car loan are all covered by
insurance policy,s so he,s holding his head above water...
Now under the DCI charter, he,s told to take a job, any job so the JC meet there targets
The new job only pays 24K
Mortgage £800
Food £400
Fuel £120
CC & car loan £400
Unfortunatly on 24k he brings home £200 less, so he cannot aford to pay his CC/car loan....
he defaults, and his car is repossed. and he gets a ccj for nonpayment.
As he has no car, he cant get to work, so he loses his job.....
and he,s back on benefits....
with no car & a CCJ to boot, and bailiffs chasing him for moneys owed.
thats why people are so anti being told to take any job....
Also when you go for an interview, (assuming you get one!!)
"ah mr X your applying for a senior managers job, yet your last job was road sweeper..."
Mart
Alos, when you get things repossessed, certain elements are taken out. For instance, a car is seen as an everyday necessity for employment now. So if you go bankrupt and you car is worth under £1500, you get to keep it, as it's not viable to sell on. It's classified as a minimum for a mode of transport if that makes sense. Mr £30k Merc would loose his car and receive £1500 to fund his transport needs from thetrustee incharge of his assets.
Unforunately I know rather a lot about repossession/bankrupcy etc. from my meetings with the CAB. The way my personal situation falls and the amount of debt I have, IVA's and bankrupcy would be ludicrous. I'm not in enough debt to justify either, so it's a case of paying what you can when you can. It's a stange reality as it helps those who have been total dicks with their money more than folks who have been careful but then fallen on bad times (and been silly not to have certain things covered by insurance).
It's one of the many things which the government could do with tweaking. Either you go full hog, buy loads of **** and go bankrupt to be free in X amount of years; or you buy what you can afford to pay back when employed, hit a sticky patch, don;t loose anything admittedly, but get CCJ's and a bad credit score until you pay the debts off.
Bit twisted but thats the nature of the beast. Me and CAB debt worker had a long insightful chat about it. Some of the things he told me made my eyes water
Just to add about the defaults. This happens once you mis payments. The crediter pass it onto a collector or solicitors and they then chase you and try the usual threats. You offer them what you can afford, even if you make sacrifices elsewhere (I certainly don't spend £400 monthly on food shopping! - closer to £160 for 2 of us). This could be £5 a month and they can refuse it, but you send payments with proof of postage. As long as you show you are paying what you can afford, if the collector/solicitors take you to county court, the Judge will see this and continue the payment of what you can afford. It's a very rare case you are ordered to pay an unreasonable amount. This is from the CAB themselves. So you keep payments and as long as you do, the collectors can't touch you. It's if you miss court appointed payments things can get nasty, or if you ignore all correspondances from creditors etc. I personally have always been polite and explained my situation in full. With the small payments being made, I make them on the dot every month. I give myself the best chance that should it go to court infront of a judge, he will see my situation and my attempts to resolve the best I can.
But then I'll be starting a new thread on here as I'll need another suit fro court.
LOL
Andy
Last edited by chocolate_o_brian; 12 April 2009 at 07:20 PM.
13 April 2009, 05:09 PM
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