It was 1998 when Scoobynet was formed, men were men, and posts were both informative and a good well formed argument was appreciated. However as time went past the quality of posts diminished. In a bid to raise standards Webmaster set up an elite school in Northamptonshire, the purpose to train the top 1% of posters in the lost art of amusing banter. The men who graduated would be the best posters on the 'net. Scoobynet called it Muppets/The Hutch, the posters called it TOP SNET.


Scoobynet, some time Monday morning, (probably in someones office tea break when they should have been working )

Tam the Bam gets a call, apparently Tam has been writing cheques his level of membership can't write.

J4CKO: What is your problem Tam??

Tam the Bam: I just want to serve the internet Sir and be the best poster on Scoobynet

J4CKO: You're holding on too tight Tam, you're a loner a maverick, you don't realise that you are playing with the views and beliefs of thousands of readers.

Tam the Bam: Sir Yes Sir.

J4CKO: You're a hell of a poster Tam, maybe too good, i'd like to infract the *** of you, but i'm going to give you your chance, i can't believe i'm going to say this, but you and that ******** (pointing at BOB.T) are going to Top SNET. It was going to be NACRO but he's just been infracted off the face of the planet after that last thread on the nightmare if club class air travel . So for the next 5 weeks you are going to be posting against the best.

Tam the Bam: Sir Yes Sir.

They head to the door, barely containing their excitement.

J4CKO: Gentlemen!!

BOB.T and Tam look around

J4CKO: Good luck Gentlemen


A few weeks later, on a cold and blustery day in Northamptonshire Tam the Bam and BOB.T are sat in a briefing room.

"ROOM 'SHUN."

In walks BubbaPo, this man is a legend, his construction of a sentence and grasp of the nuances of grammar are second to none, his code name is Viper.

BubbaPo: Gentlemen you are in the top 1% of all internet posters, the best of the best, we at Top Snet are going to make you better, we are going to push you to the limits of your posting capabilities and then push a bit more.

BOB.T whispers to Tam the BAM

Bubbapo: Can i help you gentlemen?

TAM the BAM: Well we were just wondering who is the best?

Bubbapo: I'll tell you who is the best, the best will be the one that ends up with a clean UserCP, free of all infractions. Is that going to be you TAM??

TAM the BAM: Sir Yes Sir.

BubbaPo: well considering the company you are keeping here, that is mighty arrogant.

TAM the BAM: Yes Sir

BubbaPo: We like that in Top Snet .

Later that night in a bar in SNETTER TOWN:

EinsteinRA code name, ICEMAN, with back seater Leslie (no stick no vote i believe this time Les ) saunter up to Tam the Bam and BOB.T.

EinsteinRA: You need any help?

TAM the BAM: help with what?

EinsteinRA: You not figured out who the best is?

TAM the BAM: I think i can figure that out for myself!!

EinsteinRA: I heard that about you

and with that Iceman and Les wander into the bar, after all the bar is a target rich environment (means theres loads of birds in there )

To be continued (when i can be arsed)

 

This reminds me of a film....

 

Is it Rain Man?

Or maybe Free *****?

 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

 

The best have gone .......

 

Hi Pete

 

But not gone away

 

this is an old black and white atmospheric jobbie isnt it?

 

BOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

BOB.T: Well shall we get utterly ratted, i've got a bottle of Malibu and if that runs out theres always the Morgans Rum, Oh hello sailor

Tam the Bam: No you great yorkshire pudding!!! this is a target rich environment and that bint over there by the bar has clearly lost that loving feeling

BOB.T Lost that................Oh god no. I hate it, hate it when he does that.

Tam the Bam wanders over to the southern tanned bird sipping (that makes a change ) a JD and Diet coke.

TAM the BAM: Hi there Miss

Scoobychick: what the **** do you want?? if you're buying, mines a JD and coke, thats diet sugar free taste free coke.

Tam the Bam: well actually......

and with that, BOB.T and Tam the Tam Launch into.

‘ You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips. There’s no teanderness like before in your fingertips. You’r trying hard not to show it Baby. But Baby, Baby I know it. You’ve lost that loving feeling. Oooooooooo that loving feeling ……………..‘

Scoobychick: well thats a new approach, i've never been serenaded by a couple of pissed up snetters before. You do this often?

Tam the Bam: Since puberty!!

Scoobychick: whats your name Snetter?

Tam the Bam: Tam the Bam ma'am

Scoobychick: What? did your mum not like you or summat?

Tam the Bam: No you stupid bint it's my user name.

Scoobychick: So does this chat up technique work often?

Tam the Bam: Well i've only used this twice first time i crashed and burnt second time well i'll tell you in the morning

With that Scoobychick gets up and staggers off in search of the bar.

Tam joins a now well pished BOB.T at the bar. BOB.T by now has finished off the bars stocks of Malibu and is now heading for the Rum .

BOB.T: How did you get on? first base? and quick fumble? she didn't get you too buy her a bike did she?

Tam the BAM: Crashed and Burned fella, crashed and burned

 

PMSL Rob, I assume you are bored tonight? Carry on

 

this is the Goonies , isnt it

 

Dumb and Dumber

 

Na he's yet to get to the bit about our affair!

 

You and BOB.T had an affair , crivens that it hours of rework on the script, i was just about to kill him off.

 

Does BOB.T smile in this epic

 

 

You're gonna do what?!!

 

Nooooooooooooooooo not Bob, Me and ginger nut!! So you can still kill Bob, sorry Bob no offence intended!

 

less of the ginger nut, haggis boy

 

I've never eaten Haggis in my life you southern softie!

 

Northern Numpty..well i've never had any nuts in my mouth

 

None taken Tam.... mate!

 

hurry up and get to the bit yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaa IB Admin is Dead

 

I hope Tam and Bob T know about this bit

YouTube - Gay Top Gun

 

I wasn't even invited to the read-through for this.

 

your a has-been , Bob.. a bit part player... not even a proper contender anymore.

 

Ooh harsh Dan, harsh.........!

 

but fair

 

I still got a top supporting role, though.