A lads joke for a Sunday.
20 May 2007, 03:52 PM
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A lads joke for a Sunday.
Having recently split from his girlfriend a young fellow decides that he needs a holiday. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sinks.
After drifting for several days he awakes to find himself washed up on a deserted beach, no other people, no supplies, nothing but bananas and coconuts.
After four lonely months, he is lying on the beach and he spots the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, rowing towards the shore. In disbelief he calls "Where did you come from... How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island... I landed here when my cruise liner sank" she replied.
"Amazing", he said. "You were very lucky to have the row boat wash up with you."
"This thing" remarks the woman. "I made the boat from raw materials I found on the island. The oars I whittled from the branches of a Gum tree, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island a very unususual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that i fired to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for the tools and used my tools to make the hardware!"
The guy is stunned!
"Let's row over to my place" she says and after a few minutes of rowing she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. before him is a stome walkway leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the row boat wih an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "it's not that much but i call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you" he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice"
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something a little more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and a shave? There is razor in the bathroom cabinet"
No longer questioning anything the man heads for the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet, a razor made from from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are secured on to it's end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing" he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit beside her.
"Tell me" she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now. Something you've been longing for"
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he is hearing.
"You mean...." he swallows excitedly and tears begin to well in his eyes....
"Don't tell me..... You've got......
Sky Sports!!!!!"
After drifting for several days he awakes to find himself washed up on a deserted beach, no other people, no supplies, nothing but bananas and coconuts.
After four lonely months, he is lying on the beach and he spots the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, rowing towards the shore. In disbelief he calls "Where did you come from... How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island... I landed here when my cruise liner sank" she replied.
"Amazing", he said. "You were very lucky to have the row boat wash up with you."
"This thing" remarks the woman. "I made the boat from raw materials I found on the island. The oars I whittled from the branches of a Gum tree, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island a very unususual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that i fired to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for the tools and used my tools to make the hardware!"
The guy is stunned!
"Let's row over to my place" she says and after a few minutes of rowing she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. before him is a stome walkway leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the row boat wih an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "it's not that much but i call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you" he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice"
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something a little more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and a shave? There is razor in the bathroom cabinet"
No longer questioning anything the man heads for the bathroom.
There, in the cabinet, a razor made from from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are secured on to it's end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing" he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit beside her.
"Tell me" she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now. Something you've been longing for"
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he is hearing.
"You mean...." he swallows excitedly and tears begin to well in his eyes....
"Don't tell me..... You've got......
Sky Sports!!!!!"
20 May 2007, 04:01 PM
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Heard a similar one, can't be bothered to type the whole thing out, but here's the gist.
Man washed up on beach with his dog. Both of them survive on the island for months. One day a goat wanders over and starts hanging around them.
Desperate for "companionship" the man contemplates giving the goat a seeing too, but every time he gets near the goat, the dog barks and puts the man off!
One day a beautiful woman washes up on the shore. The man nurses her back to health and they become very close. One day she turns to him and says.
"You saved my life and I don't know what I'd do on this island without you for company; is there anything I can do to repay you?"
At that point she slips out of her ruined clothes and winks at the man.
"Anything I can do to repay you then?" She asks.
The man stares longingly at her beautiful naked body, pauses for thought, then replies:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Couldn't take that bloody dog for a walk could you?"
I'm ashamed to have read the whole bloody thing
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