I am well known on this board but will disguise my identity as I know some of my Work colleagues will be searching for my posts

Basically.. due to an unfortunate incident involving my beloved Wagon, I have had the last three days off work.

I somehow doubt that my boss is going to see eye to eye with me if I explain what really happened, so, i need a good Illness that would last three days and prefarably involve a temperature.

I know we have some experts on things like this on here, and would appreciate some help in preparing myself for tomorrow ;D


The Lone Ranger

And... nobody blow my cover

 

Minor food poisoning - go into details about the colour of the bog, crapping and puking at the same time etc.
Flu - the cold that people believe is the flu until they get the real flu - usually 2-3 days
any STD - herpes or ghonorrea is best, cause these can flair up at any time, and your boss will probably not want to know the details. Tell him you got it at work anyway
Migrane - whiplash - back pain etc - The finest medical brains in the world can tell if you have it, so your bss can't really question you.
Best policy is to claim Force Majeur - even if he knows what it means he won't be sure if he has to pay you or not

 

Tell him you were 'rodding' his missus and you got a nasty dose of the clap....

on second thoughts.... dont do that!

Paul

 

LOL @ Poc

 

One of the best excuses I hear was that a guy from work said he stood on a nail. Was doing a bit of DIY at the weekend etc...
I even believed him and it was complete bollox.

 

You sneezed and put your back out, wandered to the phone still doubled up unable to straighten and banged your head on the corner of the matlepiece. With blood streaming down your face and a gash on your forhead you staggered next door for some attention only to find that your swedish neighbour had left his tall blond wife and twin 18 year old daughters alone playing twister in the buff.

....................2 hours later you were inexplicably entangled in a mass of bodies the you simply could not escape until your neighbot came home and kicked the living **** out of you. On the way to hospital in the ambulance the driver blacked out and the ambulance crashed into a lorry carrying 10 tonnes of rusty nails which spilled all over your battered body.

The paramedics on scene gave you a tetanus injections but unfortunately used an empty hypodermic which put bubbles in your blood, You are now in a coma and will not be back to work for 6 months.

Enjoy your time off

 

throat or chest infection or tonsilitus is a good one as they are infectious and you didn't wanna pass it onto your beloved work collegues and was only think of their wellbeing

 

hey <Insert childrens song title here> How about a bad case of Bladder infection? take cranberry juice to work and explain how painfull pissing blood is. they wont ask too much

 

A dose of the 'runs' is a good excuse - and if it's still 'continuing today', you can just keep nipping to the loo muttering things like 'oh no, not again...'.
Before you head back to your desk, sprinkle a few drops of water on your forehead so it looks like you've really had a rough time in there.