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Old May 18, 2006 | 01:27 PM
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BBC World Cup Guidelines for commentary team...


1 - Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.

2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.


3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.


4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.

5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times.


6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.


7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.


8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.


9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.


10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".


11 - We must ensure that nationlistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant, the Spanish are bottlers, the Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, the Angolans are disorganised, the Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England.


12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo.


13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible.


14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England Expects."


15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.


16 - If in doubt, mention 1966.


17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany, but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.


18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.


19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.


20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.
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Old May 18, 2006 | 01:33 PM
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Sounds a bit of a bore, I'll wait for it to come out on DVD
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Old May 18, 2006 | 01:33 PM
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So True Hence why I shall be supporting Holland!

T
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Old May 18, 2006 | 02:03 PM
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SiPie
Location: Scotland....
Why am I not suprised. Yawn.
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Old May 18, 2006 | 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by SiPie
12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo.
This is standard in Portuguese newspapers. Seeing "Mourinho's Chelsea" is fine, but seeing "Ronaldo's Manchester United" takes a LOT of getting used to.
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Old May 18, 2006 | 02:50 PM
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You also forgot the new buzz words
Rooney(mentioned as often as possible in an endearing tone also a chuckle)
Metatarsal (see Rooney)
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Old May 18, 2006 | 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by SiPie
Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match .
I will have turned the TV to another channel, were it will remain until the end of what must be the most dull sporting 'event' of them all.
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Old May 18, 2006 | 03:27 PM
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breaks into song:

you've never won **** all
you've never won **** all




do agree that some of the stuff is OTT and this time more than most we stand no hope whatsoever of making it past the group phase.

but we can hope.

Last edited by dynamix; May 18, 2006 at 03:55 PM.
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Old May 18, 2006 | 04:06 PM
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Why am I not suprised. Yawn.
Well... if you are bored with one little post on a BBS, then think how we feel subjected to it for the duration of the entire world cup

We do not get a choice of commentators, so we have to listen to the usual suspects repeating the above With the sound turned off you tend to lose a little bit of the atmosphere.

To your surprise (Gary), I'd like to watch the England games and would like to see them do well, but the commentary is pretty painful for anyone outside England.

Good luck
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Old May 18, 2006 | 04:28 PM
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BBC and ITV have the worst two commentators in the history of TV sport - John Motson and Clive Tyldesley

Hopefully, you will be able to turn them off using Sky Active
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Old May 18, 2006 | 04:43 PM
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Thumbs up

Hopefully, you will be able to turn them off using Sky Active
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