Jap2Scrap

Not having a good week this week

Me and the wife split up nearly 9 years ago now. We have a wonderful (I reckon) nearly 11 yr old daughter who I've seen every weekend since (barring holidays - me away about 3 weekends missed - her away, about 5 weekends missed).

Despite the fact I now live near Leeds and my littl'un lives near Southampton I still see her every weekend, at a cost of £280 a month in fuel. Now the ex has signed on income support (she hasn't worked since she fell pregnant and the money from selling the marital home has just run out) and the CSA are going to triple my payments. This completely wipes out the money I save each month for fuel to see my baby. They don't care about that though - I know, I've pleaded with them. Despite it saying on their website that travelling to see a child counts as extenuating circumstances they said it makes no difference. They don't care that I won't be seeing my daughter nearly as much and believe me this is going to be terrible for her

I want to blame the CSA 100% for just going for the easy, nothing to hide, targets but a huuuuuuge portion of the blame goes to my ex who is just a sponge on the benefit system and always has been. She only signed off for 2 years to waste the money gleaned by selling our old house at 200% purchase price.

I know there's some out there who'll be saying it's my own fault for leaving all those years ago, and I could accept that if this only affected me. Truth of the matter is, she'll get her benefits, the government will get their money. I can't spend what I haven't got so I really won't be any worse off but my poor kid is only going to get to see her dad about once a month at best.

How is that Child Support?

T4molie

While I can't offer any useful info, I have to say that this just sucks

Hasn't your ex got another partner?

eClaire

IIRC, my ex's ex told the CSA that they had their own arrangement and left them to it. I could be wrong but it's worth asking

mj

My ex put "father unknown" on the birth certificate, and told em' **** all. When she went back to work we left it a couple of years and put my name on.



sorry to hear about that jap2scrap, it stinks

blueone

Try and find a full time course to register on at your local college or Uni. If you are a full time student you don't have to pay the CSA a penny. Some full time courses only involve going for a few hours a week but are still classed as full time. Also you won't have to pay any council tax which should go some way to covering your fuel costs. There are ways to get round the system which are totally legal, you just have to look into all the possibilities at your disposal. This does not mean that you don't give to your child, just that you do it directly and not via the government.

sti-04!!

Theres a few ex's in here

Jap2Scrap

T4molie - No, she never has had, in 9 years

eClaire - That only works if you're a) prepared to lose 40% of your hard-earned income support or b) if you're working.

blueone - Yeah, that's a possibility. When we first split I went and did a 4 year degree, that's how we got away with making our own arrangements for so long. My local uni happens to be where I work so I'm going to look into some sort of research post-grad thing.

It's the whole 'giving it to the government' thing that sucks. We've both managed fine for 9 years now we'd both be worse off cos she doesn't see any of what I pay, and as I'm paying more I can't afford to top up her benefits. I've just spoken to her and I think she's going to tell them to poke it, lose her 40% and we'll split the loss between us. That way I get to see my kid every other week at least and probably every Things will be a little tight but better than nothing. I'm amazed to be honest, she really has put my baby's welfare before her pocket's.

JoeyDeacon

If you have kids then it is your responsibility to pay for them, end of.

Why should taxpayers have to foot the bill?

OllyK

Who's funding the CSA?

sti-04!!

Joey - He is aware of that what do you think he's been doing for the last nine years

seven x

So why stop now?

v8voodoo

Jap,

That sounds *incredibly* familiar.......
I moved away to work and can't actually afford to go back (550 mile round trip) and see my kids very often because the money I'd use in petrol etc goes to the CSA. Worst bit of all, any spare dosh I had could've gone on the kids, but now it can't cos it goes into the "saving for petrol and hotel costs to go and see" them fund.

CSA also target the easy ones. I'm a civil servant and if I don't pay they will take it directly out of my wages. Blokes I know earn a damn sight more than me, them being self employed and declare hardly any income, so get away without paying a bean in BOTH tax and CSA etc. I know of blokes that plain and simply won't say where they live etc, so the CSA put them to the back of the queue because they are hard work too. The other ones that get out of it are the violent ones who threaten harm to the mother or kids if the CSA take the money. They don't pay "in case". How can you threaten harm to yer own kids though..???!!

Anyway.... I'm not getting started on the CSA......

Nige.

DPat

Sounds like he gave the ex the family home - her choice to watse the money not his.
CSA should take that into account, but it should have been done through court at the time

DPat

v8voodoo

Sorry DPat, the CSA aren't the least bit interested in the signing over of any property. They don't take that into account.... Tried that, as I signed the house to her for somewhere decent for the kids to live not even thinking about the CSA, then she goes and sells it and blows the £ and promptly gets given a council house.

mart360

Phone em up and demand a review, interview.

simply state that they will be upseting the status quo, and depriving the child from seeing her natural parent.

throw in a good slice of human rights, and get a good family solicitor..

i,ve been there and have been threatened by them, i currently pay a penalty, premium because i refuse to supply my new wifes earnings, i simply asked them to provide the statute which states they can do this,, hence they got shirty, and gave me a penalty payment each month..
as you say they target the easy..

if you really want to have a dig, complain everytime they refer to you as an absent farther!!!

if you have contact like you and most if us in the same situation do, you get more contact than the average ship based sailor does.

They are not classed as absent parents are they!!!


Mart

beamer

To the original poster of this thread "Jap2Scrap"

I too had this problem about fuel costs to pick up "our" children and they granted me a "detachment order" which covered me for the cost of transport(fuel) so "our" children would be able to stay with me on a weekly basis, this was helped by their mum, by writing a letter to the CSA stating that this would affect the childrens "well being" if I (absent parent) was unable to afford to collect and return them.

Prior to this I had stopped all payments to the CSA, but saved the money (my ex was on IS) the battle went on for about 3 months with the CSA and eventually I had an order made against me to pay direct out of my salary, If I refused this then I would have faced a prison spell!!!

My detachment order was stopped a few years back as they "claimed" it was now in my reductions!!

My opinion of the CSA is that they are a bunch of w@nks who get their teeth into someone and the screw them for what they can, instead of getting the people that don't pay.

I have always paid for my two children and more besides.

Good luck mate, I hope you can resolve this situation.

Steve

Jap2Scrap

Joey and Seven, read the fecking post before you opine on something you know nothing about! I've given everything I can afford over the years to my kid, I've never had any spare cash. I've never lived the life of Riley at her expense and with or without the csa's intervention I wouldn't stop now. However, now I need to pay for fuel to go see her, EVERY WEEKEND, the csa are saying that is spare cash and should go to her. The irony being that as her mother hasn't worked a day in her fecking life none of the money would go to her, it would all go to the government.

Anyway, as posted above, I believe we have found a compromise

seven x

I did read the post and I know what your saying, I object to people who do everything they can to not pay for their kids and let the tax payer foot the bill. Obviously this is not you.

Jap2Scrap

All I can say to that is no. You're wrong. The benefits are being cut by the appropriate amount. I'm paying the shortfall. I'm not paying to support my ex, her income support payments will have to do that. If I were to pay the CSA, it would save the government money against her income support and my daughter would see no other financial benefit.

Therefore you're supporting my ex. Tough **** there, I don't like that any more than you do. Her and the other millions of scroungers who could get a job but cry off year after year. I'm not going to be punished for her laziness. We all are, like we all are every day.

seven x

Yep I agree with you (please note my edit was before your post) but I thought Income support was for parent and child?

Freak

I will never have kids

My sympathies- system is clearly utter bull****

urban

iTrader: (1)

********!

blueone

Men are seen as cash cows to be exploited for their labour. In these days of supposed equality of the sexes if this was not the case, then surely there would be a more even split when it came to the provision of care for children from relationship breakdowns? Either i'm right or equality of the sexes is really a re-distribution of power deception implemented by Politicians to gain more cash from the workforce while at the same time selling it to Woman on the basis of making men pay? When really it is in effect making Men pay for the sexual revolution experianced by Woman in a society with freely available birth control.
It is about giving woman an unfair advantage at the expense of the exploitation of Mens labour. It is a tax on not living with your children full time. Not only do 'absent' fathers have the indignation of being treated with a dis-parity which if experianced by an other minority group would be considered draconian to the extreme, but they are portrayed in society as no good, trouble making, drunk womanisers. Men for to long have been silent in the exploitation which they have experianced. Up the revolution... or I could be speaking complete bollox LOL

Jap2Scrap

Fair do's

The child support is seperated out now. AFAIK anyway. I don't claim anything myself so I can only go on what I'm told by the ex. She gets an amount, littl'un 'gets' an amount plus there are other benefits to being a social sponge... Council tax, prescription charges, that sort of thing all waived.

I must admit I get a bit 'on my high horse' when someone tells me I should "pay up for the kid," I don't begrudge her a penny towards her upbringing and pay every spare penny I have. Contrary to my ex's lifestyle (holidays, etc.) I have had only one holiday in the last 6 years and my ex-girlfriend took me on that as a graduation present. I don't own a property and have no real assets. She had the house but sold it, rented a place and p!ssed up the profits. I took nothing from the sale and took no fixtures, etc. when we originally split.

seven x

I'm not getting at you mate and I apologize for some of my rash satements - you seem like a caring parent - its just the idiots (men and women) who leave their kids and dont contribute to them at all. The people who will do anything to avoid responsibilty.

Scoob+Bike=Fun

I have had the same situation, just get your ex to sign a letter saying that she is happy to go onto direct pay, and send a letter yourself, if both parties are ok with going on direct pay, then the csa can't say no so long as all the secretary of state arreers are paid.

Hope you get the matter resolved

Adam.

damian666

What does this mean? could be finding myself in this position soon...

I am happy to give the amount on the CSA calculator though - just direct to her, not to some crappy agency!

Leslie

Sorry to hear about that J2Scrap. I think it is really unfair to you and your daughter. I imagine the the CSA's remit is to save the government money at all costs and to screw the father into the ground regardless of what the effect is on you both. The wife meanwhile lives a charmed life with no responsibility towards your association with your daughter. Grossly unfair.

Les

Mrs WRX

J2scrap, i really feel for you but i am on the other end. I divorced my ex about 5 years ago and i have to fight to get a penny out of him. I do receive a crap amount off him but i went to the CSA and had to drop the case as he was going to do a disappearing act and i wouldnt get anything. My ex lives about 25 miles away and as far as he is concerned it is out of sight out of mind. He doesnt see them one week from the next. On the odd occasion he does see them my partner and i have to take them to him and then pick them up. He was supposed to have them for 5 days over easter, he had them for 2 then dumped them on my mum saying he couldnt have them. Not all ex's try to screw the man out of every penny or stop them from seeing the child, i would love my ex to WANT to see his kids to demand his rights but he is not interested. He has even forgot our 5 year olds birthday. I feel for all the fathers who are not allowed to see their kids but there are plenty of ****e ones out there aswell.

Apparition

You could try just ignoring the barstewards.......... thats what t'other half did. Like you he sees the kids frequently and spends quite a lot on them ie. trainers, clothes, phone top up cards etc. Any money he was paying into CSA was'nt going directly to his kids, so in the end, he ignored any mail from them. They have now "gone away". He hasn't heard a squeak for ages. I feel for those poor fellas who have topped themselves in the past due the the over zealous bullying tatics of the CSA. They are a badly organised bunch whose right hand doesn't know what its left hand is doing.
At the end of the day, if you are at peace with yourself over the treatment you are giving your kid, what business is it of anyone else's ?