Oh my how I love them

Just got some guy that said he could do better than our usual supplier, "better than cost?" I ask, "Sure we can do better than that" he says......

How's that supposed to work?!?!?!?!

 

You always get one that's a muppet don't you.

Like all the estate agents insiting they could do a better deal than our chosen solicior (my g/f's Uncle) who was not going to charge us for his time. So they are going to start paying us to use them?

 

Especially customers who think they get cost

 

There's nothing worse than "empty paper bag" salesmen. Whatever you need they just happen to have.

"Hello we are calling from..."

"What are you selling?"

"What do you need?"

 

Quickest way to get rid of salesmen who call at home. Politely ask if they are happy to deal with people who have 3 CCJs and a repossession on their credit history. (Which I promise I don't - but what do they know! )

Works a treat!

Telling conservatory salespeople that you live in a first floor flat works rather well as well!

 

So do you need me to sort you out with a nice house, a big mortgage (and a 3% proc fee) then

 

Sorry Beth, beg to differ on the conservatory / first floor flat!
I had that idiot on the phone, it really didn't work, he was that stupid!

 

Just open the door and say "what are you selling"

they go, "errr, errrmm, well errrm, we're errmmmm(thinking in their head - this isn't in our sales spiel now what do we do)"

 

Anyone got any Contact Centre projects on the go at the moment and wants a sales call from a pro....???

Why do I spend my entire day doing this rubbish - Oh yes, it pays for the Scoob and the other toys - I remember now.

 

just get registered to the tcs service that stopd you getting cold called,if someone does phone you they get fined £6,000 and you get the money
Did that late last year and since then we've had not 1 phone call ...works for mobiles to.

 

Them: "Hi, we can do you a better deal on your mobile"

Me: "Oh really, i doubt it"

Them: "Yes we can, how much are you paying at the moment?"

Me: "Nothing"

Them: "Are you sure?"

Me: "Yep, free phone/connection/rental/calls".

Them: "Oh, we can't beat that".

Me: "Shame, i was hoping you were going to give me money to use my phone for a minute".

 

Actually, the best response I ever heard was from a friend. He got a sales call on his mobile:

Friend: I'm sorry - you've caught me at a bad moment, could you give me your home phone number so I can call you back later.
Salesman: I'm afraid we don't give out personal details sir
Friend: Is that because people can call you when you really don't want them to? That would be really annoying wouldn't it....?

 

thats a jerry seinfeld sketch!

funny nonetheless tho.

 

Straight lift from Seinfeld, word for word!

 

And he said it really happened to him..... (and yes, the word guillible has been removed from the OED)

Pretty impressed I got it word for word though - seeing as I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld and was told the story about 18 months ago.....

 

Doortard - Hi sir, can I interest you in some double glazing..

Me - If you knew the first thing about double glazing you would see that I have it already..

Doortard - oh - erm, ok what about new front and rear doors .....


10/10 for trying LOL

 

I still owe £85k on the reposession - are you sure they'd consider me. Oh - and did I mention the couple of years I did in Holloway for credit card fraud?

 

not quite exactly word for word tho, but close enough. seinfeld's quote was: "im sorry, im a little tied up now. give me your home number and i'll call you back later... oh, you don't like being called at home? well, now you know how I feel."

 

not getting off that lighlty - your only escape is if you are an undischarged bankrupt, and I'll need to see the paperwork before I p1ss off and annoy someone else

 

LOL @ "Doortard"

I usually try to plan witty reposts for doorstep encounters yet when the moment comes I find I either try to rubbish their product via superior knowledge of science, manufacturing systems, business practices etc or, more commonly, launch into a tirade of foul mouthed trisha trash talk and aggressive body language.

They are dragging us down....

 

I find that acting really really stoopid works a treat.

Talktalk telesales person - Are you a BT customer
me - yep
TTP - we can save you 80% on the cost of your calls
me - yep
TTP - do you pay your bill monthly or quarterly
me - yep
TTP - erm.... so is that monthly
me - dunno, but I am 100% that it is either monthly or quarterly
TTP - no matter. What is your average bill
me - is that monthly bill or quarterly bill
TTP - erm monthly
me - dunno
TTP - OK then quarterly
me - dunno
TTP - can you remember how much you last bill was.
me - I got an electricity bill yesterday for £240.00 - can you believe that - could you save me something on that?
TTP - I mean your last phone bill.
me - it was averagish
TTP - do you have a rough idea
me - what would average be?
TTP - erm
me - actually - hold on. I have it here
TTP - (breathes in to start speaking)
me - oops - sorry electricity bill. Did I tell you how much it was. Can you save me something on that?
TTP - Would there be a good time to call your wife to discuss your arrangements with her
me - no good calling her - I look after all this stuff. she hasn't a clue what is going on with all the bills and stuff
TTP - OK Sir - Thankyou for your time

 

I got one this evening....

Him (call centre)... 'good evening sir, do you remember completing a travel questionnaire in the last 2 months?'
Me...'no'
Him...'well I'm pleased to tell you I've got some good news for you'
Me...'Have I won a free luxury holiday?'
Him...'pardon?'
Me...'Have I won a free luxury holiday?'
Him...' oh..click..brrrrrrrrr'

Never had one hang up on me before, made my day

 

I had a similar convo with a salesperson from Scottish Power on my doorstep recently.

SP : Who is your electricity with?
me : can't remember
SP : we can save you money by switching to us
me : really
SP : who is your electricity with?
me : dunno
SP : Is it X/Y/Z?
me : dunno - can't remember
SP : Is it online?
me : can't remember
SP : Is it A/B/C?
me : not sure
SP : (looking increasingly pee-ed off....) DO YOU GET IT OFF THE INTERNET?
me : can't really recall
SP : BYE!
me : ok-dokely, bye.
SP : (Halfway down the drive....she is MAD!!....turns around and politely remembers to say ....thanks for your time.

Thankless task door-to-door selling, but looked like students doing summer work, so why should I be added to their marketing database....

 

easiest way to get rid of double glazing salespeople is to say you rent the property.

To get rid of people during the day I normally get the line:

Them:'Can I speak to the managing director or proprietor?'
Me: 'No.'
(then put the phone straight down)

 

there was a few blokes going around our estate while i was working on the car. knocking on the doors and stuff, when they aproached me they started the waffle and i listend to it all before telling them it wasnt my house and to try my parents


anyway, my mam just slammed the door in there face they were upset as they walked past?
couldnt help but giggle so i asked the bloke a few questions

me "does it work"
them "does what?"
me "knocking on doors like that"
them "waffle waffle"
me "on a scale of 1 to 10 how many people listen to what your going to say"
them "ohh about 50%"
me"ive just watched you walk around the entire estate so far and nobodys listend to your patter"
them "bye"
me "get a proper job"

lmao

 

[humour deficiency mode on]
jeez dont do that to me, tis a joke right. Have had one heart stopping moment already this morning when i was mm's away from being the filling of a lorry sandwich...
[humour deficiency mode on]