lightning101

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it
back to be recycled, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench; round off plug bolt edges while
removing.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up. Poke oil filter with screwdriver and hammer; twist off
filter with screwdriver.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to local bar or distributor; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug
27) Drink beer
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor
30) Drink beer
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) poster in the left boob & made a hole.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead, bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts £ 50.00
DUI £2,500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail £1,500.00
Beer £25.00
Total £4,150.00 -- But you know the job was done right!

TelBoy

So there's a bit of foreign exchange trading going on here too then??



(Well it made me laugh... )

ajm

3) Open a beer and drink it - guilty
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process. - guilty

BMWhere?

Ahh... those were the days These days I've got a warranty

ProperCharlie

Oil change instructions for women:

mattstant

a couple more from experience

a) sucssesfully drain oil

b) get friend to jump in to car and attempt to drop off axle stands by starting up engine mg

c) scream profusley at his idiocy

d) get new friend with brains