2000TLondon

After reading the scariest moments thread, (quality story about using the clutch instead of the brakes in a spin) made me think about the stupidest things I've heard of people doing to their cars.

My favourite, at the moment, is a guy I used to work with traded up from a Punto to a Boxster. One winter evening it was raining hard, and he had no washer fluid, so he runs out fill up the washers in the work car park, nice mix of halfords additive and water, ten seconds later thinks "That filled up quickly" before he reads the cap in his hand that says "BRAKE FLUID".

Needless to say he had to get the train home and have the whole brake system flushed.

Nice guy, knew nothing about cars!

There must be loads of stories like this....

stiks

Must be 20 years ago now.....My old man ( big Vauxhall's and 5/6 pot Audis were his thing) offerd to do the weekly maintenance on my mums mini .

after 4 pints of water he said to Mrs S " you may have a leak in your radiator keep an eye on it dear ". Cue Mrs S ...... you prat - its a transmounted engine and youv'e just put the water where the oil goes".

Best bit was he pushed the car the short distance to our local garage and said ;

" You'll never guess what my wife's just gone and done blah blah..."

thecirsch

We've got quite a few DIESEL 5 Series Beemers at work, need I say more?

Matt_Turbo_2000

I used to have an XR2 and I got my dad to replace the pads well he finished then I pulled off drive pressed brakes and they made a horrible grinding sound took wheels off dad had put pads on back to front

Danny B

I once cleaned my bonnet with a screen scourer to get rid of some heavy tar stains, looked great when it was wet but not so good when it dried
And no it wasn't a Scoob.

vindaloo

Late one Sunday AM after being in PolyT sorting out a programme for an assessment. Stopped to put £5 in the Dolomite (Mum's Blue 1300). Went to get the pump number - strange D...I...E (Oh-f*ck!).

Little brother attempting to check his c/h gasket with the minimum of tools and no brain. Loosened the head bolts and heard running water so......he tightened them all back up and hoped it would be OK. Cue new bottom end bearings and his car off the road for a week. At least he managed to make good himself without involving £££s other than for the parts.

Any time I do something stoopid! in the scoob. To date (off boost in 3rd trying to overtake, undertook someone 'cos they were too slow on a d/c etc.). Some of them just incidentals as I was getting used to the car but some I really have no excuse for.

J.

Iwan

Many years ago, car was seriously frozen up one night when i left work (gone midnight). No ice scraper, de-icer, hot water, credit cards, or anything to scrape the ice off. Saw a coke can lying nearby and decided to use the flat (ish) circular rim at the top to scrape the ice off. Looked great until the car warmed up and the ice melted, to reveal the swirling scratches i'd left on the windscreen. Doh!

A mate of mine did a similar thing, only it was the inside of his windscreen and it was misted up. As he didn't have a chamois pad, he used the back of his hand - forgetting he was wearing a ring with diamonds on it (chav!)!

Probably lots of others too i've forgotten about...

Iwan

Gus M

My cousin told me not to use a particular brand of car polish as the shine didn't last more than a week or two. I asked him what car shampoo he used....Fairy Liquid he replied!!!

Red Rocket 11166

Many moons ago, my mate was late for work. He rang us and said his clutch had gone in his Alfa about a mile down the road. So i jumped in the firms car and towed him back towards work !!! Trouble was he forgot to turn his ignition on for the steering lock, so when i turned into the carpark he went sailing by, and ended up in the middle of the road. Lucky for him it was early in the morn and there were no other cars about.

Red.

ZippyEFC

I used to work in a garage when i was still at school and one day a woman came in for a head gasket. She said her husband had sent her for it while he was working on the car. We handed her the gasket and watched in amazement as she folded it up and put it in her handbag

DaveR

Lovely girl at work bought a bright yellow Boxster S.
Went on holiday and came back to find a nicely sun-browned bird doodoo stuck to the middle of her bonnet.

She scrubbed it off with a little water and one of those green washing up cloths with the metal filaments....... ouch

paulwrxboro

my mate working in a garage drops the top of a spark plug down the sparkplug hole and his boss comes over ''i know how to get this out'' and starts the engine..... you know the rest

Melina

I was once driving my MX5 in Germany happily going along. I did notice some smoke at the back and other motorists making signs but I ignored it as I thought they were paying me compliments for being blonde...Some kilometers later the car stopped, the engine having ceased. I wish I had looked at the temperature gauge but it never occured to me.

Incidentally, the car got a re-conditioned engine and is now up for sale.It is a classic model and has only been driven by women - a selling point apparently!

john_s

iTrader: (1)

A friend once admitted to having filled his engine up with oil. Litterally. To the top, brim full.

We've had a couple of the drivers at work fill diesel transits up with petrol.

John.

yoza

I had squeeky brakes on my Citreon AX GT.

I was told that a bit of 'Copperslip' on the brakes would do the trick.

So out with my paintbrush, and a few dabs on the brakediscs, job done.

The squeek had gone, but unfortunately the brakes didnt work too good.....

Carl2

My neighbour put a small amount of brake fluid in his cooling system and asked for my advice. I said as long as it was only a very small amount there shouldn't realy be a problem, but if he was worried he should change the coolant. While we at his car I mentioned something about checking engine oil and topping it up and he then proceeded to top it up while talking to me, after about 10-20 secs I asked him "Have you checked the dipstick" as I thought oil shouldn't take that long to top up. He said "What?" So I checked it for him, suffice to say the level was well above the max mark on the dipstick. So we had to drain abit out. At least he admitted he was no good with cars.
I hide when I see him now, just in case.

Tchort

This gave me a chuckle.

not sure i like my story of the clutch being used as a stupid moment, but fame is fame I suppose.

I had a mate who use one of the old crook locks (they go round the clutch and the steering wheel) but he used it on his brake instead. One day jumped in the car and took off down a hill without removing it and ran straight through a fence.

He could have used the handbrake but said he just panicked

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

1964 Ford Anglia, fitted a radio, but it crackled.

I fitted plug suppressors, but it still crackled a bit, so I went out to buy an inline suppressor for the kinglead from coil to distributor cap.

By the time I got home it was starting to get dark, but I wasn't giving up. I put the headlights on and shone them on the white garage door for extra light. It was OK until I thought that it would flatten the battery, so I started the engine, then cut through the lead

I picked myself up from out of a rose bush about 10 feet away!

Alcazar

i8gtmf

Mate of mine tried to drive a reliant robin over an inspection pit once....not good
also witnessed the aftermath of someone fitting an amp in the boot of the car they thought mounting it to the side of the boot would be good, needless to say it didn't look to hot from the outside with 4 big screws poking through the bodywork.

what would scooby do

A mate fitted a clutch into a chevette the wrong way round (I've no idea) - he drove it for a few hundred meters and declared - somethings not quite right !!! LOL

THE M25 FLYER

Recently got called out to 53 reg merc at clackett lane services,the young (female) driver had stopped at the pumps and filled it up,started it, pulled forward and it stalled.A helpful gent at the next pump saw her plight and suggested it may just need some oil so off she goes and buys 5 litres which said gent starts pouring into her engine.Trouble was he was pouring the oil into the radiator.he realised his error and quickly made his exit.
When i looked it over the cooling system was swimming in oil and the fuel tank was brimmed up with diesel (should have been petrol),and because it was down to pilot error the owner had to foot the recovery charges and the drain down and flush outs ,ouch!!!!!

wrxmania

Someone I know (she was 18 with a Pug 106 - no idea about cars) went into Kwik Fit and, as usual they were asking about the make, model etc and they asked her what size the engine was.

She said "About this size", visually showing the technician the size of the engine with her hands. Needless to say, everyone pissed themselves laughing.

Brian.

2000TLondon

Just remembered this one. Had an MG few summers back, MGB roadster. Got a flat coming up the M3 one night, pulled into the hard shoulder but was on left hand bend and it was rush hour so went onto the verge, thinking I'd be sensible and safe!

The flat was the back passneger, the jack on these old cars slides into the chasis in the middle of the car and you jack the whole side of the car up.

Got the car up easily, flat off, get spare out, go to put spare on, not high enough, try ot jack it up more, then realised the jack was sinking nicely into the grass verge!! Spent over an hour trying to get the spare on, jacking it to no avail, trying to lift it by hand, trying to roll the thing onto the road with three wheels!!! Must have looked a complete kn0b to the traffic camera watchers!

In the end joined the RAC and he trolley jacked it, on my way no less than 4 hours later......

jjones

lol nasty

madras

I started up my Lotus Elise while it was in gear - not such a bad thing I hear you say!

Unfortunatly I was leaning in through the door at the time, being such a light car, coupled to the fact I hadn't put the handbrake on fully, the car dove off across the car park dragging me with it, while i frantically tried to remove the keys/turn it off.

Thank god an astra park opposite stopped it.

Only £2,500 of damge to Lotus!

Still have knightmares about it!

madras

rossyboy

iTrader: (8)

Dark frosty night, windscreen iced, no scrapers etc. Thought "it'll be cleared in a minute" as I drive off with about 2 inches view at the bottom. Turned out of work car park and crahed into the parked Grananda that I hadn't seen about 10 yards down the road. My only crash I might add

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

My mate house has a very steep drive, he went to reverse his car off. With it being so steep it needs quite a few revs to pull off. He didn't realise he was in 1st instead of reverse. So off he shoots down the drive - crashing through his own garage door in the process

bits'n'pieces

Many years ago in a land far far away.... well about 10 years ago actually, in a little mg metro coming round a sharp left hand bend, my mate in the passenger seat leans left to throw a *** but out of the window, and suddenly we are turning left....through a garden wall and into a pond.... It's at this point that I will state the following :- I was sober !

What happenned ? Well it would seem that is his haste my mate had wrapped the seatbelt round the handbrake when he plugged it in, on leaning to throw the butt out, the handbrake somehow pulled up and the car locked up, turned left and became a very large ornament in a very small pond.... Needless to say at 18yrs old I rebuilt the wall myself over two weekends and it's still standing to this day

DavidLewis

Never mind.