SHESCOOBY

CSA for payment of children maint.

ProperCharlie

i think a few people here have been on the receiving end of it. happened to a friend of mine - not a pleasant experience. better to do it by personal agreement if possible.

babber

If you can do it between yourselves then this is clearly the best option.

The CSA aren't that bad when you speak to them really. If you can't agree with the Ex, then speak to them straight away is my recommendations. You will automatically qualify for a 3 months bonus, which means you haven't got to pay. I was paying loads of money to them, and they were always nice and apologetic when I dealt with them.

I would strongly recommend paying the CSA direct (if that's the route you chose) as this ensures she can't moan at you / stop you seeing the kids if payments are missed for whatever reason.

Beware of private call (including your mobile number) that mention working credits / pensions then start asking questions. I told them to mind there own business and address any questions to me in a letter By the way no-one, not even my Ex had my new mobile number, yet they still managed to get it.

Get yourself morgaged right up. Get rid of assets and saving NOW!!

It's a right ******* to have to go through buddy, but do the right thing for your children, no matter what your Ex has done.

Hope this helps mate, Phill

PS Feel free to email me any other questions, etc

TopBanana

babber, I think you're talking from the other side of the fence!

SHESCOOBY

yeah but I have tried and well seem to be banging my head against a brick wall, but when it comes to a father not wanting to see his daughter, its a bit difficult. I am now being told to go thru CSA, and well I have done my best to encourage him to see his Daughter but nothing.... so have decided she is worth more and deserves better.

Just wondered really how CSA work

ProperCharlie

if he can't be *rsed then he deserves to be squeezed by the CSA. can't understand poeple like that.

babber

Exactly!!!! To be honest, I thought you were a male, not that that matters.

I have 4 daughters (10,8,6 and 4) so I was supposed to be paying :-

£775 to Ex (direct every month) and that was it. As she was getting more than she'd be entitled too, then no free nursery, milk, school dinners and all the rest of things you get on benefits.

Due to her pushing me over, and me still caring. I was paying (all per month) :-

£500 Mortgage
£40 Life insurances
£25 house insurances
£300 (her car loans, but stopped this after 10 months)
£60 Car insurance (as above)
Anything else she needed on a weekly basis, i.e. Money for MOT, car tyres
Loan of my Scooby (yes and she used this to go off ******** in it) and usually I fill it up with fuel.
Lend her money to go out (that I never got back)
Paid her overdraft off (numerous times)
Loaned her money to start a business (that she won't repay and denies me ever giving to her)
Even took her out on the **** with my mates (and paid) so she could find another bloke
Paid mobile bill for 18 months without realising

All the above has now stopped as she was taking the ****. As a result, she stopped me seeing my daughters and I have to fight for access through the courts. Not seen them now for 3 weeks, and was a month the time before.

I can never understand blokes that don't see there children. I'm gutted that I can't see mine.

Sorry to rant on, but thought I share this with a few of you that have it easy

Phill

babber

I have a little experience of "falling off the road" and seeing a few women that have children from previous relastionships. What men get away with is shocking to be honest.

Does your children wants to see there dad ? Does he telephone them very often ?

Phill

OllyK

With a name like "SHEscooby" hmmm, OK it is just possible but we won't go down that road!

I can't understand why a parent wouldn't want to see a child if:
1) It's theirs
2) They had the child by mutal concent

If the split occured before or because of the birth / pregnancy then that's a slightly different issue.

SHESCOOBY

Phil

He phones her when he feels like it, he hasnt seen her for 4 weeks now and has phoned her about 5 times in them 4 weeks, Its alot to do with his Girlfriend who doesnt want him to have anything to do with his daughter, considering he was very very close to his daughter and saw her on a reg basis, now thats stopped and he says that he cant have her a whole weekend in a month anymore.
My daughter is not even 5 yet and its affecting her, he has been a total To$$er and is thinking of his g/f more than his own daughter....... I thought your children come first, he's thinks not giving me money is getting at me but its not its letter his daughter down whoch he is so think to see.

I dont have a phone number for him only a mobile which is switched off most of time.

SHESCOOBY

FM

I have now decided that I want nothing more to do with him, and that includes not seeing my daughter, she deserves better, It just makes me sick how a father can be so cruel. Always thinking of himself never his daughter.

Well I am getting the forms and just see what happens I suppose

Mark in Ireland

My ex was getting decent maintainance plus loads of extras but wanted more and threatened me with the CSA. I told her to work away as I would stop work immediately and go on the dole. I got the letter from the CSA and finished work, went on the dole and she got nothing for 12 months, she then came to her senses and we sorted out a private contract. I got the demand from the CSA and I had to pay her £2.30 per week so she got 52 weeks @ £2.50 and lost thousands.
The thing that annoys me is the CSA was set up to chase down fathers who don't pay for their children....but why have to do hard work when they can go after law abiding people who quite willingly pay.

babber

Totally agree with all that has been said above. If I thought I was upsetting my girls and they didn't want to see me then I'd walk away. At the moment this isn't the case (in my case) Most children will recover from this situation, and there are a few nice fellows out there (if that's what you want) although me not being one of them

If and when I start seeing a lady / women / buffalo chick, I'm honest and up front about my children. Although harsh I tell them they'll NEVER be as important in my life as my children are. My children WILL be the reason I can't see / be with them sometimes. This is another reason, why I don't want / need another stroppy relastionship!! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't (and usually the reason I stop seeing them)

Children do need regular contact with both parents (under normal circumstances) via visits or telephone conversations. They need to be regular and agreed, so the children have something to look forward too, and knows when the other parent will be in contact.

Phill

PS Oh and by the way, children seem to behave better with the other parent. i.e. I'm always being told the girls are a credit to there parents, yet I know they play my Ex wife up all the time.

SHESCOOBY

Yep i am sticking to my guns on this one I have told him not to bother us again. So lets hope it stays like that and dont get any trouble from him or his family or his girlfriend.

SHESCOOBY

I done everything to encourage him to spend time with his Daughter but again i was just hitting my head against a brick wall, The decision i have made is for the best for my daughter, when shes old enough to decide to find her father then I wont hold her back but till then I will not have anything to do with him and he will not be seeing his daughter which as it is doesnt bother him. My little girl deserves better

We had an arrangement with money but it was so unreliable it wasnt worth it.

SHESCOOBY

Babber you have PM

ProperCharlie

jeesus - that's a little bit over and above the call of duty, isn't it? and besides, the last thing you want is you ex hooking up with one of your mates.

weapon69

Shescooby-sounds like your daughter has the same sort of b**tard Father i had/have. I saw him once or twice a year if i was lucky (or unlucky depending on how i look at it) and he paid maintenance of £50 PER MONTH to my Mum for 'my keep'. Why she never got the CSA on him i'll never know-i never had the clothes, shoes i needed and relied on my grandparents to provide alot.

He needs to pull his finger out by the sound of it! Don't let him get away with it and just walk away!

Edited to add-just saw the bit about his GF-TYPICAL

weapon69

Hmm i can see the situation from both sides of the fence as my bf has a son and has said the same thing to me. I can tell you, it didn't go down well with me as i already knew the situation, im a sensible person and i know how it feels to be the child when parents have bfs/gfs etc. Basically if you meet a nice woman-don't feel the need to tell her that, it just leads to hurt feelings.

SHESCOOBY

Weapon69, well i am hoping that Ellie will have the same attitude as you when she's older, one thing as am so scared of is her blaming me for not having her father around, I want her to understand that its not her fault but his, and dont want her feeling that she's not wanted.

He has just completely shut her out and its not that I was not letting him see her I was encouraging him to see her but as I said was hitting my head against a brick wall.

I have been told that he will regret it when he is older.

ProperCharlie

i agree that you could put it a bit more tactfully, but i do think it should be discussed early on in any potential new relationship. i remember all the grief i got off my step mother. i got the last laugh, though.

he he ha ha ha

mart360

I went through csa because my ex took me to court for ' non payment'

of a court order!!!

i couldnt pay cos i had been made redundant!!!!

i had offered to pay a nominal sum, still a lot mind!!

the court still hit me for non payment!!! but reduced it to £10 per week

took three years to pay!! went to the csa and they made my overall payment lower,

they keep chasing for my new wifes bank and income details, for which we still refuse to give,

so i get a penalty added!!!! but i see my son every week as i have always

done....

i could ay more but its an open board!!!

weapon69

People always say that, but in my (obviously limited) experience my Father has no regrets whatsoever Although i have a friend who was in a slightly worse situation than me-her and her brother's Father walked out when she was 3 years old and they never saw him again, let alone paid any money for their keep and she is now in her late 20's.

As for whether she will miss her Father....that really depends on her personality i guess. I was more than happy to see my Mum's partner who we lived with as my Father figure so my Dad wasn't missed at all. Although i've found later on as the years are going by that i am very curious about my Dad and want him to be a part of my baby's life. But that won't happen until hell freezes over

Very difficult situation for you-Good Luck

sillysi

I can understand people having a problem with the CSA in the past but the new rules are much fairer IMO. For one child it is a flat rate of 15% net wage after tax, NI and pension contributions. I pay my ex 15% per month by mutual agreement, if she went to the CSA then she would get the same.

babber

Trouble there is what happens when they decide they can't pay the money for whatever reason like for example, they're going on holiday next months with there mates. I always paid mine by DD to my EX on payday for 2 years, but know of many male friends that haven't. Even using the holiday excuse and getting away with it

At some point it'll get nasty like in my situation 2 years after we split, so do yourself a favour, talk to the CSA and if married / and or houses, etc involved then get a solicitor. Get it sorted as soon as possible

Phill

PS Good thread by the way.....A chance to have a moan, lol

babber

I paid 33 % of my salary plus a bit more (for 4) fair play to me. I haven't been reassessed with the new rate

She scooby YHM.

Everyone else, I'm not sharking lol

Phill