...as I can't find the old one. These are ones I have received in the last few days.

Man goes into Chinese restaurant "Excuse me, but do you have any cockles on the menu today?" Reply - Yes Sir, plenty its waiters we are short of"

Following the success of the recent Morecambe bay cultural awareness day-trip it is to be extended to all illegal immigrants.

Two sharks are swimming around Blackpool totally bored. "I know" says one "Lets swim up to Morecambe for a Chinese"

Man and woman have just finished having sex. Women seems to be staring, transfixed on the man's todger. "What's up love? Do you want more sex?" Woman: "Oh no love, I'm just admiring your beautiful ****. I really miss mine"



TONY

 

police have named six of the morecombe victims - they are Way Ding, Sin King, Drow Ning, Leff Too Dy, *** its Cold, and Ty Dis Hi .

 

They've just named another 4: Intu Deep, Wark Wong Way, Ho **** and Wer Bo Gon.


David Blunkett is gonna be the next Spurs manager, when aked the Chairman said "we are wanting someone who can hold on to a lead".

 

Police have named some more. Wes Hee Gon, Hoo Kan Schwim and Meen Nof loat.

PMSL @ Blunkett joke!

 

Jordan & Andre sha&&ing in the jungle, Jordan hears a noise and says is that Jonny Rotten?.... better not be says Andre its the only one i got

Whats the differece between Jordan & Paul Hart......Both have been dumped, but Paul was in charge of bigger ****.

Orange have launched a new fone, its called Rio Ferdinand, it's big black & ugly, has no memory & it takes 3 months to charge the ******

 

19 pairs of shoes were found in Morecombe bay......apparently all winklepickers


D

 

Teacher draws a picture of a ***** on the blackboard. "Does anybody know what that is?" she asks. Little Tommy replies "I don't know what its called but my Dad has 2. A small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth"

 

Camilla to the Queen: "Everytime I suck Charles todger I get heartburn"! Queenie to Camilla: "Have you not tried Andrews then?"

 

A chicken and an egg laying in bed togher, egg is laying there smoking a *** with a huge grin on his face, looks across to chicken and says " well at least that answers that old question"

 

A chinese man was found dead in his bowl of muslie, apparently he was pulled under by a strong current

 

A Paki (no offence intended) died and flew up to heaven,at the gates he saw St Peter andsaid I'm here for Jesus,St Peter turned around and shouted taxi for Jesus
Cheers
Colin

 

Delays in Morecambes Chinese restaurant have been blamed on the chef, he hasn't washed up in nearly a week!

(I'm sooo sorry!)

 

Woman in a taxi, says to driver, "I'm sorry love I don't have a bean, but you can have some of this instead", she says, opening her legs wide and exposing her wet, juicy lovebox. He gives her a hard look and says "Haven't you got anything smaller?"

 

As the nuns in the local nunery were making their way to midnight mass a ghost jumped out and shreeked " HOCUS, POCUS!!!!!" the nuns replied " forget the HOCUS just Fooking POKE US!!!!"

Steve.

 

why don't asians play football?
everytime they get a corner they build a shop.

 

I thought the thread title said funny.

 

Due to recent bad weather morecombe council have reviewed their sea defences and found several ****** in their harbour wall
.................................................. .................................................. ...

**JOB VACANY**
cockell pickers wanted. wages are ****, but will tide you over!

.................................................. .................................................. ....

due 2 the great succes ofthe cockle pickin contest we r now makin it an open event & look forward 2 entries from india,bosnia & all our foreign brothers!

.................................................. .................................................. ....

osama bin ladens been found in a field in wales havin oral sex with 2 sheep.when asked wot he was doin his spokesman said its cool they're islams!

.................................................. .................................................. ....

husband- "my olympic condoms have arrived,tonite im gonna wear a gold one"
wife- "why dont you u wear a silver one and come 2nd for a ****** change!"

.................................................. .................................................. ....

arthur scargill has written to michael jackson asking if he can visit neverland as its 10 years since hes seen a minors helmet!

 

Do you know how the Wonderbra got its name?
Coz when they take it off, you wonder where their t*ts went!

Proctor & Gamble have brought out a shampoo for hippies. It's called Go & Wash!

Why do gipsies have 12ft graves?
Coz deep down they're really nice people!

 

BTTT