magepaster

iTrader: (2)

His career

Your hearing

His job

Your life


I know what I think is the most important.


Nail him out to dry, brother or not.


[Edited by magepaster - 12/1/2003 5:09:46 PM]

pennylane

As some may know..i posted the thread about "should a man be allowed to hit a women"...

....as a carry on from there....i went to the doctors this morning...and i have a potential case against my brother for GBH.....seeing as i have internal bleeding in my ear and a loss of hearing. Along with bruises appearing by the minute...doctor says it will be a matter of time before by face will be purple...

HOWEVER....i have a delima of whether to press charges or not...he is my brother and we havea LOT of family difficulties at the moment and he is in the RAF and could lose his career over it....

....but on the other hand....if i don't then i know that he will think that as he has got away with it once he could well do it again...

...afetr speaking to my solicitor this afternoon....i was told that to keep it on record properly i would have to report it...

...professions (ie doctor and solicitor) both say i should...


...but what about teh family side of it??????

i'm only 19 and really dont; know what to do about it.
any advice will be gratfully recieved...!

PennyLane.

scooby-tc

iTrader: (2)

B******s to family values NAIL him he deserves all he gets

289

Personally I'd not, but I'd ensure the family all knew about it. I'd also ensure I had photos in case I ever changed my mind and wanted to reopen the case.

And I'd make VERY sure he understands that if he ever does anything even remotely similar again I'd go off the deep end, career and consequences notwithstanding.

Good luck with whatever you decide - prehaps speak to someone like the Samaritans who might be able to help?

fitzscoob

without really knowing the ins and outs of what the family situation is, can you not get your parents to intervene and sort it out. Give him a real hard bollocking? Was it a genuine mistake? Is he sorry about it? if it was, then it would be a shame for him to lose his career over it.

Was he provoked? not saying that its right for him to have hit you, but did he have reason to?

Does he have a history of violence? Is he suffering from any post war syndromes? Too many factors to take into consideration for a simple yes report him or no dont.

Torus

Penny, two choices

#1 tell him that if he ever looks at you funny you will report him

#2 Report him

weapon69

Report him. I was 16 when i had to go through something similar although it wasn't a family member. Don't let people get away with this, the next girl might not be his sister. You don't want that guilt too!

RayC

If he is in the RAF then he is trained to use force and as such should be able to dicipline himself and not use excessive force where not required

any member of our family hurting another member would not be tolerated and who says he would not use force on someone else, maybe younger

sorry you are in this position but no one has the right to hurt someone else and you dont deserve to be the one who gets the blame

Mice_Elf

Is this the first time?

Were there "mitigating" circumstances? Not as in "he was drunk" but as in being wound up all afternoon by whatever and snapping?

Do you usually get on ok?

Difficult decision...if you get on normally, it might be worth showing him the evidence of what he's done and saying next time it'll be reported.

If you feel he's capable now of doing it wherever and whenever, yes report it - you don't have to press charges.

Hope your face doesn't look too bad.

47 NAT

Thats bang out of order [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img] He should know better and should have more respect for you ....

Have you told your parents/family yet? It might be a good idea if you haven't already as they will probably want to dis-own him at hearing at what you told them. I know he's wondered well over the line and this may be a better idea than getting him arrested. The last thing you want is to feel the one who has done wrong, but at the same time he needs punishing. Familys are funny things at times ...

Nath

JR55

Really really difficult one....IMHO I would take the photos record everything that has happened but don't go legal. If possible sit your brother down and explain in no uncertain terms how lucky he is that you are an understanding sister. The damage you could do to his career/life is massive, he would certainly be shafted re the RAF. A dishonourable discharge and a conviction for GBH won't help his future prospects. This is the course of action I would take but this is presuming that your brother has the IQ to realise the effects of his actions. If he just shrugs it of after your explanation nail the tosser to the floor and let him fend for himself on the inside.

pennylane

In a nutshell what happened...is that his gf and me were having a slight agruement....she can't fight ehr own battles so she gets my brother involved....she is a malciously manipulating selfish littel bitch. to put it nicely....and she changed teh story as to what happened when getting my bother involved..she told him that i was swearing at her and shouting and telling her to go back to where she belonged....which is all a load of crap i did none of them thigns....

...he came up stairs....in a huge fit...started pinnign me against teh wall and threatening me....i study law and so i said that i woudl report him if he hit me....he hit me 3 times...so it wasn;t a one off....teh 3rd knocked me out and sent me flying...

...while this is happened the girlfriend is encouraging him to hit me.....

....He was also trying to get me to hit him back..which i didn't. i don;t hit people and i know that he would only use it as an excuse to hit me harder....and he is about 6"2 and extreamly strong....

....you coudl say that it was provoked....but not for teh right reasons...i dont; think i did deserve to be hit....

...but to press charges...its a serious thing to do. and i don't want to be resonsible for the career loss...but i know if i do nothing he would do it again....

...its my mum i am more worried about...shes had a hard time...and shes really unhappy...

i dont; know if i should be serlfish and just do it anyway....or just let it play out and see what happens

and one more thing...he does threaten people using his weight....never hit any of us before..not like this anyway....and he has NO respect for my parents...specially not my mum.

its just so hard as to what to do and whats right.

47 NAT

It sounds like he got led astray by his girlfriend alright but that still doesn't give him the right to hit his own family members [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img] I know you say your Mums having a hard time at the moment, but your parents really do need to know and help you with this situation. Thats what Mums and Dads are for. Dont keep this bottled up yourself as you'll plainly only torture yourself in the long run.....

JR55

Taking in to account the possible trauma a court case can/will cause for the rest of the family I would still try the sitting down option first at least give him the chance to apologise and weadle himself out of a very large hole. It may be letting him off but it will save a lot of future pain, but as I said earlier if he is ungracious and refuses to be told brace yourself and then let him have the full force of the law. Good luck what ever you decision is.

Mice_Elf

He hit you THREE times. Brother or not, that is inexcusable.

Report him.

ajm

I reckon it comes down to whether you think you can ever reconcile your differences with your brother. If you think you can and its worth salvaging then don't report him. If you think it is too far gone then report him, but that will probably be the end of your relationship with him.

A very tough choice.

midget1500

before you posted what happened i thought...dunno.

now i've read that - YES! especially since he hit you 3 times, I mean once in anger (well..???) but 3 times!!!

doesn't sound like a great brother to have about

pennylane

Parents do know. and they would support me either way...(which will get my brother even more pissed off!)

He did say sory on saturday evening...but only i gave him his christmas present as hes not here for christmas...and he said that he maybe shoudln;t have hit me that hard...but that i deserved it and was asking for it...

...i know him...he didn't mean it...specially as a couple of hours afterwards he was bragging to his friends about it..although he didn;t tell them exactly what happened..(i heard it...i was in the next room..and i still have one good ear! )

47 NAT

What have your Parents said about it or advised you to do?

Nath

chaos.

Id say you should give his g/f a slap, can you set a webcam up?

cha0s

PPPMAT

I get on with my Brother very well. Despite the fact that we are both male, if he did that to me (which he wouldn't) I still don't think I would report him............I would probably disown him however.

But, we are a close family and your personal circumstances may be different.If it was anyone other than my brother then yes I would rreport them immiediately with no hesitation

catalunya199

he sounds a right di*khead bragging about hitting your sister 3 times what a hero,not being funny but most blokes should over power there sisters if that was me i might of swore but never hit my sister.

oh and tell the raf nancy to get to larkhill where the army will sort him out

personly i would of thought your dad should sort him out either physically or telling him not to come back

johnfelstead

What a scumbag. He knocked you out!

If it were me i would not involve the Police, but i would tell him he can forget having anything to do with you in future. Disown the scumbag, dont ever talk to the git, that will hurt him longer term.

If you feel this could happen again then tell your parents you want him out of the house for good and when he is on leave he can go stay somewhere else. If he has no respect for you or your parents he shouldnt benefit from anything they could give him.

I cant believe you gave him a christmass present after that either, you are too soft for your own good.

MATTeL

I would report him...

For the assault and then the comments he made afterwards.

No way should he be allowed to get away with it. No excuse and as for saying you asked for it!

hades

If he said that you "deserved it and were asking for it", then it's quite clear he isn't really sorry, and is liable to do it again to any other person (male/female/child??) who is also deserves it in his opinion. Looked bad enough after describing the events, but with that comment, there can be no question IMHO - you have to report him.

Markus

Read how this happened. hmmm, tricky as it's your brother, if it was anyone outside the family then it would be a definite 'shop him!' thing. Even though it is your brother I would still be inclined to report it, whose to say it won't happen again. Very very tricky I know. If you don't report it then make sure you let your brother know that if he ever does it again then you will report it, and if he does, then throw him to the hounds.

RayC

i'm sorry i agree with Hades

if he was bragging about it he is not sorry,a sorry person would have been grovelling, flowers, chocs, night out etc

i dont want to judge your situation but i have a sister and she knows exactly how to wind me up to boiling point in seconds, but i walk away or just shout and swear, not big or clever but that sort of wack is so far out of line its unreal

if i had ever hit my sister like that i would never be allowed back in the family and rightly so, as for why you gave him a present i think i would have put it on fire in his bed while he was sleeping

can you report him but stop short of full on court, and if he blows his lid, then screw him to the floor, and how long til his missus is on the recieving end with no one about, (sounds like she needs to be taught too though)

hope it goes well

Scoobydid

I would have a chat with him, with a friend close at hand, but maybe not actually in the room (preferably a big bloke) and explain your side of it, and that his GF is a lying bitch.
If he still doesn't see what he has done wrong and make a strong heartfelt appology, I would shop him.
Guys like this should not be working in the forces, they are supposed to be protecting our country, and if he can't control himself when his sister has an argument with his girlfriend, what would he be like in a serious confrontation as part of his job.
I hope he only has a lowly job like a janitor I wouldn't like to think they let him lose in a fighter jet!!

Markus

Ray,
I know what you mean, my brother knows how to wind me up too, and he has done it in the past, I just tell him to '**** off' and walk off. I know if I clocked him it would get very very nasty and that would be that.

Fuzz

He's your Brother.
He hit you
He hit you again
and then he hit you hard enough to knock you out, giving you hearing problems and internal bleeding !!!!!
He says you deserved it and then brags about it to his mates !!!

Then when all is calm, you give him a Christmas present and say he didn't mean it??

Wake the **** up Lady !

Harsh but IMO FAIR
Nobody should get away with that, Brother or not. [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]

Andy