Hi all

I have been asked by my mate to be his best man in November, the wedding is in Dublin.

I have never been a best man before.

I am starting to get my speech ready and was after some good best man Stories and jokes as inspiration.

Thanks in advance

Julian

 

where do you want me to start Jul

 

my bro started off by saying "had no idea where to start for inspiration for this speech, so i spent a couple of hours looking around on the web. found some really good stuff and after i while i remembered what i should have been looking for, so i got on with that instead..." - probably been used thousands of times before, but it's all in the delivery i suppose!

 

SN's server is not big enough Yan!!!!

 

I used something very similar to that.

 

astraboy.

 

Get a pile of key blanks from a locksmith and secretly hand them out to a load of the guests before the speech (just let them know they will know what to do with it). During the speech, say something like the groom has finally settled down with the bride blah blah love blah. Could anyone who has a spare key to the grooms place for a bit of you know what just step up and hand them in as they wont be needing them any more. The looks on the faces of the top table will be priceless

 

astraboy.

 

astraboy.

 

My mate at mine started off " Just to let everyone know Im as nervous as a slug in a salt factory " Everyone p1ssed themselfs!

 

"Groom's Name" was born on "Groom's Birthday", a day the maternity staff now call monkey birth Tuesday.

Steve

 

Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to *insert grooms name here*

astraboy.

 

Get 20 feet of fax paper in one long strip.
Fold it into A4 sized concertina so it looks like a single sheet size.

Start with "Grooms Name" is such a fantastic bloke - The list of his good points is almost endless.

At this point, let all but the first fold fall to the floor (Keep hold of the top of the strip)

Punchline :

"The trouble is, I can't read his handwriting"

Much Laughter should ensue



Worked at my Brothers wedding

 

This is going to be a great thread

Keep em coming guys

Astraboy - your on a roll man


JLD

 

Messages from well-wishers at the end of the speech...

'...oh and this one's from the guys at the football/rugby/hockey team and it's to (insert Bride's name), it says we've tried (insert Groom's name) in every position and found him to be equally useless in all of them. Hope you have better luck..!'

In-laws wanted me shot after that one.

Steve.

 

you could start with " I must admit to feeling a little nervous, in fact its not the 1st time today I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.."

or "I did feel a little nervous at 1st but (grooms name) has assured me, if i do a good job, I can be best man at his next one!"

HTH

Dill

btw keep em coming, i've got one next month, apparantly no swearing, which i think is a load of bollox

 

These are good - I'm giving my sister away at her wedding next saturday and doing the father-of-the-bride speech, I need some funnies too, so keep 'em coming!!

 

"OK, well it's lovely to be here in this wonderful village hall. Funnily enough I was here just a few weeks ago when I was asked to speak at the local Alcoholics Anonymous* monthly meet".

Pause - looks around the guests slowly......

"And I must say it's good to say so many friendly faces back again"


*Depending on circumstances AA can be replaced with "Gay & Lesbian Society" or "Wife Swap Club" or whatever.

 

"And here's a message from Aunty Mildred. Sorry she can't attend but please send a photograph of you both, fully mounted".

 

 

I don't get that joke?

Someone help pretty please.

 

Thats a cracker

 

I used that when i was best man!

I also wrote a diary with inserts of relevants days in his life and told the story as if it was the grooms diary. Totally ripped it out of him!

Everyone loved it!

 

I had to do one recently.

Only advise I can give you is try not to use the "conventional" jokes - as most of the audience have heard them before.

If your nervous about doing a speech, circulate props (photo's etc) around the room and talk about them as they go round - people will be looking at photo's rather than you & they will act as prompt cards if you forget what you are doing.

Try and keep your speech related to you & the groom + bride, without resorting to the conventional jokes.

I had to use two known lines in my speech (purely because I couldn't dream up an opener - they were:

"Good Afternoon, my name is Jason and I'm an alcoholic"
and
"X & Y are proof that internet dating works."

All the best

Jason

 

I would first like to thank you all for coming today and helping to make (Grooms name) and (Brides name) wedding such a memorable and special occasion. Personally, I wish you'd all stayed at home and made my job less nerve wracking. For those of you that know me well, you will be glad to hear that I haven’t had any Stella….YET, therefore this will be a short speech with no repetition.

 

At my sis's wedding last week best man had her put her hand on the table and his hand on top. at the end of the speech he said that he wanted the groom to have the upper hand for at least ten minutes of the marriage, it might never happen again.

5t.

 

Slightly dated now but what the hell.....

Lets all hope the grooms performance tonight is better than Tim Henman's and that he gets past the semi

If it's in an old building / castle....

What a fantastic day we're all having in this spectacular venue which rumour has it is haunted. I suppose it will be a convenient cover up at breakfast when the other guests complain about the sound of moaning and rattling chains during the night.

Opener

Today I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. But it is <grooms name>'s wedding so it's only fair that I talk about him as well.

 

Example wedding speeches

Huge list of best mans speeches

 

At the start of the speech say "I've not had to compose a speech, so this'll be off the cuff", at which point look down and pull back suit sleeve to reveal shirt cuff.

Later when you're thanking everyone, when you get to the bridesmaids, say "I'd like to thank 'insert name of helper/shop', who had a hand in the bridesmaids dresses", long pause, "which is where my hands will be later"

Note only suitable if bridesmaids are over (select age depending on your level of deviance)

 

Not forgetting - in slightly pissed voice - "and now I'd like to spank the bridesmaids"