My gaffer got a voicemail message this morning, and the caller had mentioned the phrase "the crocodiles are biting the back of the canoe". Both he and I found this hugely amusing, does anyone else have any funny business speak phrases?

 

Lets throw this idea into your think wok.

Lets put this idea into the toaster and see what pops up.


Gus Hedges has loads of them

 

Like those too - esp. the toaster one.

Any more?

 

Blue Sky Thinking!!

Fooookin idiots the ***** who speak like this ....... there are a few on here!!!!

They think they are so foookin clever, so I'll put the ball in your court ...... run your ruler over it and see if it ticks all the boxes and fills your toolbox!!!

Pete

 

We need to put lipstick on the pig

 

"He who dares rodders he who dares"

my hero

 

raising a maroon - is a key one from our CEO

 

What does that translate as then?

My old gaffer kept going on about 're-lighting the touch paper'. **** bandit.

 

"Let's run it up the flagpole an see which way it blows"

Christ I'd have them all boiled in bloody oil I would

 

"A jokes a joke but a chair leg up ya ****... that's furniture!"

Seriously my old boss used to say that one....

 

I bet you were glad to get out of mcdonalds

 

Sure was, it was the saddest day of my life... walking towards the door, looking back... and seeing you still there flipping burgers.... but hey, I'm over it.................

 

You boys should hear the ****e the salesmen in my place come out with.
I constantly take the **** out of them all day.
Here's some

Horses for courses

Throw him a curve ball

Get them in the long grass

Some products have 2, a lot have 3, but the really good ones have 4

Dot the T's & cross the I's (the one that came out with this is the biggest ******** you've ever met)

Lets reciprocate yeah, its a win win situation

Its all eyes you know, its a smart smart thing (again from the ********)

Lets quid pro quo yeah

 

Literally it means holler if you need help - I think! He comes out with some funny things.

 

Holler means shout, I believe.

 

Lets not throw your dummy out the pram!!

 

or "we need to polish this turd before we launch it"

 

OMG My current Design Manager comes from 30 years of sales and he uses all those

 

One of my previous clients' MD's one day announced he'd had an epiphany, with no particular justification.

 

Our ex-salesman was at a meeting and the customer wanted something for nothing - he came out with "ok then, let's use that as relationship currency".

He also called a meeting a "knowledge dump".

Wanka.

 

The bog standard ones drive me nuts as well - they're waaaay over used!!

Let's think outside the box

What does good look like?

Let's unpack that idea

We should take this discussion off line

Smile when you dial

There's no I in team

Problem is I work in training and people think we all speak like that! I work with managers who use those phrases and then they ask me why they can't motivate their teams.....

 

I'll get IM on here and he can tell you all about his firms "Knowledge Lake"

 

One of our directors constaintly uses "you can't eat an elephant in one go" which basically means that he can't be arsed to see anything through in one go but has to break it into small pieces so he can understand what the **** all us intellligent people are talking about.

Not that i'm bitter or owt.

 

Another colleague has just told me about a wee joke they used to do.... they would write "**** words" on a sheet of A4 before going into a meeting, and if the gaffer said any of these words during the meeting the word would be ticked and that would mean he's officially a ****.

 

Classic reply I heard to that was a guy I know

"That's true but there's you in c*nt"

 

http://www.potfire.com.au/entertain/wwbingo.htm

 

I was Googling recently trying to find out what a CRM database is (Customer Relationship Management for those over 30 btw) when up came an article about the need for the Database to have pertinent information. Title of article?

"Relevancy - the new black" ! ! !


My own title would have been "Stating the bleedin' obvious"

*********, the lot of them........ dl

 

Good old bullsh1t bingo!

 

"low hanging fruit"

 

I do a lot of presentations and if you really want to liven up a bullsh1t meeting just do the following.

Go into the room prior to the meeting and about 4 pages into the flip chart draw/ write something vastly inappropriate - never fails to cause huge amounts of disruption!