RMA26

Duplicate

Apologies, F'kin PC went mad

davegtt

we get the picture, jeez you must be full of anger still

RMA26

lozgti

speye91

Just go and bang her sister if she has one/worth it

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

I think the problem often can be that people just don't think it's much of a big deal anymore! What they don't seem to understand is it's about trust which is fundamental to making a relationship work.

Whenever I date someone I tell them from the outset, I dont do the possessive thing, I expect to be an important part of their lives, but not the only thing, I want them to retain their social lives, I don't mind if they have male mates, I don't mind if they have nights out with single female mates, I fully expect them to get hit on by other blokes at some point (only way around that it to date a minger!) :-) and think that they're in a much better position to deal with that than me. The reason I can do this is that I give people the benefit of the doubt and trust them on the explicit understanding that if they betray my trust they will not -under any circumstances- get a 2nd chance.

Can't say fairer than that!

Ns04

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

all these very sensible replies and this is the one that summed it all up for me

EddScott

UBER-long post alert people

She was texting him before but nothing had happened but she had been warned by others to stay away from him because he liked her alot. She jokingly text him about having kids but that shouldn't have happened because she knew he fancied her.

I proposed and she lasted 3 days before the texting started again.

I know because when I confronted them and took his phones off him he hadn't deleted her messages. She had been deleting hers. They got caught becuase the person that told me used his phone and read the texts.

[QUOTE=Pedro_79]

When you say nothing *too* serious, do you mean nothing sexual?

[/QUOTE=Pedro_79]

Supposedly only this last week they have been kissing. They've met up a few times and plenty of texts using the money I put in her phone

I have and things were fine until she had a wisdom tooth out and spent a fortnight off work. During this time she spent most of it at her friends where this lad always is - she was going to see him not the friend. We have argued very badly this last month but it was down to the the suspicous way she was always there and the fact that her phone never left her side.

Our daughter has spent the past months with my GFs parents during the holidays while we work. It got worse as soon as our daughter was gone and she could do what she wanted without fear of our daughter saying something.

She is absolutely beside herself. On her knees, pleading for my forgiveness etc etc. Can't go on without me, can't cope with our daughter on her own (our daughter is so like me its scary!) Will lose her home, her job, any chance of a decent life with me etc etc....

I said to the lad in question "You've ruined my family so you take them and you look after them!" His reaction was to get out ASAP and go down the local club/knocking shop - the lad is a male tart of the highest order.

People commented on how we were getting on better than ever and that is why I decided to take it further and propose. She had always felt I didn't really want to be with her and was there for our daughter. However the more I tried the worse it became and once she started going to her mates house all the time the rows got worse because I didn't want her around him. I knew he liked her and I'm 95% sure we slammed his mobile down on my P1 Spoiler and dented it. My GF agreed it was probably him but still she carried on this affair. I said to her the one person who I really couldn't stand and wish him nothing to pain and it turns out to be him shes been messing with.

EddScott

Sadly, I've trained her to the point that most **** stars would raise an eyebrow.

THAT makes it even bloody worse!

fitzscoob

Do you think you could ever be happy and trust her again?

RMA26

Is this other lad somene you know, or did you class him as a mate?

Miss Kinky

Edd - having read your post, i think your relationship is over... the fact that she carried on texting him AFTER you proposed just proves that she doesn't take your relationship seriously...

exactly - she doesn't want to lose her home and her job... the fact that you put yourself last on the list shows where you are in her priorities...

finish with her now and go and see a good solicitor...

Miss Kinky

my thoughts too...

she's clearly not ready for a lifetime of commitment to one person...

MJW

Forgive her and stay with her, after all it's the little un's life which is the thing that's really at stake. But for f*ck's sake don't get married. You can use the incident as a 'get out of jail free card' or even as a stick to beat her with if she pisses you off.

stilover

Personally speaking. When someone has lost my trust, I just can't forgive and forget. Sounds like she would do it again, if she's done it once.
How are you going to feel every time she wants to go round one of her friends houses, or out for a night out? Your mind will be constantly asking itself what she up to? and who she's doing it with?

Sad to say, but I would leave her. Unfortunately your daughter will be the one to suffer most.

EddScott

Does she have rights over the house? Nothing is in her name and apart from paying for child care for about 12 months so she could go to work she hasn't contributed a penny since we moved in together 5 years ago.

Not saying I won't provide for my daughter and quite frankly my GF can do what she wants with it. What concerns me is that I won't be able to afford to keep the house and pay her maintenance. If I have to sell the house I'm damned if she is going to get a penny.

As for the ring thing, I sat her down, gave a little speach and said "Forsaking all others?"

I've been carped on from a great height but I still love her. I can't stay in the same house as her so I'm going to some friends for a while. I feel stronger in my wish to end it if I'm not around her. When I'm with her I just want to hold her and its not a very nice feeling.

This has happened to me before with a previous relationship and the events are very similar (everyone else knowing, the same "I'm sorry" speaches). And just like before I'll probably end up taking her back.

My problem is that I'm not one to go out on the pull. I don't mind being alone but I like relationships and I try my best to make them work. I've tried the one night thing and it just wasn't me - haven't got the temprement for it.

Spoon

I'd be more concerned about your desperate attempt to change her ways with a proposal of marriage!!

You didn't have your daughter to 'help' your relationship did you? That wasn't your idea too?

Dumping her now will only hurt your daughter. The pair of you need to behave like adults and give the relationship another go. Under no circumstances get married though until (if at all) she can show you the respect and trust you ask for!!

Ordinarily I'd say dump the bítch but I do know people that have come close to ending in similar circumstances and have actually got stronger, years on.

The key is being a proper grown up about it!!

Good luck.

OllyK

If you aren't married and her name is not on any paperwork, she's going to struggle to make any claim on the house, as you say however, the maintenance payments may well force you to sell anyway.

Neanderthal

iTrader: (6)

I wouldn't be the one moving out if I'd been cheated on!

RMA26

Do her parents know?

stilover

Why are you moving out? It's your house. Let her move in with her parents. This might make her realise more so, what she has potentially thrown away.

miss*scoobygav555*

You should make her leave for a while whilst you decide what you want to do!!

If it was me I wouldn't take them back, once that trust has been lost thats it for me, I can't forgive and forget like some can!! Its hard cause you've got a daughter but do you want to be treated like a door mat for the rest of your life!?..Its sounds to me she doesn't value your relationship at all..Get rid!!

Carla..

Drunken Bungle Whore

Call Relate and go and talk to them. Until you understand exaclty why she did it and what (if anything) is wrong with your relationship, then there's always the danger that it can happen again.

I've known women who love their husbands dearly - but have been tempted by someone who sees them as being a sexy woman rather than a mother/ wife. I'm not suggesting it's right or excusable (I'm a tub thumping monogamist myself!) - but you do need to understand why she was tempted.

After 6 years together it takes a lot of effort on both sides to keep a relationship exciting and spontaneous - perhaps by talking to someone else you can both undertand more about what the other person wants.

Don't give up, don't take NSRs advice as gospel, and do give relate a call.

Good luck.

Spoon

Girls hate nice guys after the initial flattery stage.

Tell her she's moving out and she'll respect you more than if you move out.

scoobynutta555

First thing I'd be doing is finding out if the kid was mine or not.

Puff The Magic Wagon!

iTrader: (2)

DON'T LEAVE THE "MARITAL" HOME - end of.

That can come round and bite you in the b/side bigtime if it gets nasty.

Spoon

Carla, the problem as I read it is that EddScott allows it.

Spoon

They aren't married.

ESH

Hi Edd,

I'm very sorry to read your post. I'm with Kinky on this. Leopards and all but by taking her back she would have learned a valuable lesson in how not to get caught out twice. You have shown her how resourceful you are and quite frankly its a liberty that she has taken your trust and your proposal and flushed it down the toilet.

If I were you and I'm not mate, once my trust has been abused I'd end things sooner rather than later. Think about it. The next time you have a big fight this will come up again & again and so on.

Coming from a relationship that broke down and a young child of 6 it was hard but kids are adaptable and you must be too.

Good luck with your decision.

Esh