The Dullest, Stupidest Thing Ever
 

I've seen and heard some things in my time but.............

One of the locals came into the pub.
He's been having trouble with his mobile, off and on.

He agreed to do a pickup and delivery for one of his mates and had to go to a town a few miles away. He had the phone number of the person to pick it up from, so off he went.

Came back an hour later and told the guy that he couldn't get an answer when he tried to ring, and hence couldn't pick the item up.

His mate asked why he didn't ring him, so he could have tried, to which he replied 'I tried but you weren't answering either'.

"What number did you ring?" he was asked.

"This one", he said, getting his phone out.

"No wonder" said the guy, "It's a cordless phone, not a mobile".

"I know, my mobile's been playing up so I took the house phone instead".

Picture this:

There's 8 or 10 of us in the pub, not really earwigging but with so few you obviously hear the conversation.
Just like a film everyone stopped to listen and after he delivered the final line there was silence - for about 5 seconds.

Then the place erupted. I wasn't the only one with tears in my eyes.

Surely this has to be the most stupid thing anyone has consciously done ??

I had a local dealer ask me to do a quick repair on a transit he had just sold. He needed it sorted pronto so I agreed that if he brought it straight over I would sort it for him. He said "I'll send my son over with it now" The son was a nice but dim character who arrived 10 minutes later. When I went outside he had arrived in his own car as the van had a soft tyre!

The phrase thick as two short planks comes to mind!

Yes, and scubbay's 'nice but dim'.

I'm still chortling now.
Lord knows how the rest of the lads will react when the landlord tells them.

That's so stupid, it's almost brilliant. A Zen like stupidity.

Does he also point to two houses in the distance and tell people he lives in the one in the middle?

brilliant! hahahahaha very funny

My father played a trick on some builders once. There had been an illusionist on TV the previous night who had managed to levitate by lifting himself up off the ground with his feet in a bucket each.

My father related the story to a builder known for him errrr low IQ. The builder said that if it had been on TV then it must be possible.

Two buckets were arranged and said builders' feet planted accordingly. With a bit of huffing and puffing the builder managed to get one foot a few inches off the ground. My father excitedly exclaimed that he was half way there and to make a final effort. With that the handles came off the buckets and a builder disappeared backwards landing several feet away on his arse. The whole place erupted with laughter.

Another time (same builder) had an 'indestructible' stainless steel flask. He proclaimed that you couldn't break it and to prove his point drove over it with a small dumper. End result one flattened flask. You couldn't make this guy up!

:lol:

As you said, you can't make it up.

Perhaps I'll get 'our John' one of those flasks for Christmas. :norty:

Talking of pranks, I was recently in hospital and another patient relayed some tricks that had been played on him. One involved his erstwhile work colleagues removing the wheel trims of his Reliant Robin (he could drive it on his bike licence) and filling them with bolts and putting them back on. When faced with infernal racket that ensued he went to the garage and left the car with them. They removed the bolts and relieved him of some money.
Another incident involved the same colleagues pouring some oil beneath the engine and telling this bloke he had an oil leak. Off this fellow goes to the same garage and leaves the car with them. The following day he goes back to collect the car to be told there's nothing wrong with it. However he did have a bill to pay as the garage owner had to strip the engine down and put it back together. At this point I concluded this chap was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

FPMSL! :lol1::lol1:

Many years ago, I used to work with this lad who was as dumb as a box of rocks.

Some people that worked there had use of company vans, so he asked one of them if they'd be able to shift a fridge freezer from his mams house to his flat. They couldn't/wouldn't do it, but, suggested balancing it on a pedal on his mountain bike to move it.

The daft sod actually did, pushed it some ten miles and dropped it a couple of times. :cuckoo:

While working a colleague broke his hack saw blade, he asked the young labourer to go back to the van and fit a new blade for him. He comes back about 5 mins later with the hack saw, only problem was he'd put the blade in upside down so the cutting edge was facing up....
Same lad, couldn't get the petrol pull start disc cutter to start. We told him he had to jump start it by running up and down the road with the cutting disc in contact with the road so it was spinning. After about 10 mins of sprinting up and down while hunched over the cutter he wandered back and said he thought the cutter was fooked. Lol....... the bloody thing was out of fuel.....lol....

That is brilliant :lol1:

:lol::lol:

+1

:lol::lol:

You couldn't make it up! Reminds me of when I first started working. The older blokes would send some of the new wet behind the ears recruits on some hilarious errands. One lad was sent to the shop for a left handed screw driver and a bubble for a spirit level! Another was sent for a long stand and a quarter of chicken lips.

The classic one when I was a student was for the lecturer to explain that you could tell the different grades of metals by just licking them. Watching quite a few people lick them was quite funny.

Was waiting for this story:D, Think everyone knows or has done this to someone!!!:D

Still good though, bet hardware shop owners must have it happen every week!!!!!!

All sorts of these float around various offices / warehouses.

Tartan paint, skirting board ladders and sky hooks to name but a few.

It never ceased to amaze me how many people were sucked in by them.

That was on FB complete with pictures of said lad running up and down the work site (not road) trying to push start the saw

whilst working in a large super market, we left a message fo the stock control girl in in the morning to contact the local Zoo to see if the could take any waste fruit for the animals.

left the phone number and told her to ask for Mr G Raff or Mr C Lion :lol1::lol1:

She did !!!!!!

:cuckoo:

Links? :norty:

The bar maid once took a call (cue silence in the bar) and shouted "John, Mike Hunt will see you in the Car Park out the back in 10 minutes". :norty:

Cue roars of laughter.

:lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::l ol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol 1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1::lol1: :lol1::lol1:

When I first started work in a garage,one of the lads asked me to go to the store and get him some o.4 sparkplug gaps,he sulked like a baby when I got the feeler gauges out and asked him if he needed me to set them for him as you cant get the gaps from the stores.
Later on in the week he asked how we could find out where the noise was coming from under the rocker cover on his car,so I thought i would see how switched on he was and suggested he take off the cover whilst i turned the car over,he fell for it big time which resulted in him having a oil spattered all over his chest and face and a p*ss stain on his seat where I literally wet my self laughing:lol1:

One bloke I worked with on the buildings ,was asked to nip down to jewsons to pick up some materials just a mile and a half away from the site,three and a half hours went by and I had to go and get the materials myself and was there and back in less than twenty minutes,when I got back there was still no sign of the idiot.
When he finally showed his face some four hours and fifty minutes later,he explained that the traffic had been a nightmare at which point the site manager erupted calling him all the names you can think of and sacked him on the spot for lying,because I had been down there myself in twenty minutes.
His defence was that he went on the motorway to get there, where he got stuck in traffic there and back and even had the fuel receipt for what time he got there,we then explained to the poor sap that there is no motorway on the way to jewsons,it turned out when checking the fuel receipt that he had driven to the jewsons over a hundred and thirty miles away where the last job was:freak3:

Mate told me a classic. He said he come home from work to find oil on the driveway, all down the car absolutely everywhere, So he walks in the house to ask his missus whats been going on, and why outside the house is full of car oil. His missus told him that she had tried to put oil in the engine as the engine oil light had come on the dash and because he was not at home at the time, she would give it ago(how hard can it be):brickwall

Anyway he went outside with her, popped the bonnet of the car to see oil all over the engine, His missus lifted the dip-stick out and said "how stupid is that, how you supposed to get oil in a little hole like that":lol1:

Must be more than one dopey lad who thinks you can jump start a disc cutter then.

A pal of mine (paul) has a son who is only half sharp. He told me a funny story about an incident when the lad was young.
My pal had misplaced his phone at home, he and his wife searched high and low to no avail. So Paul asked his kids if they had seen it anywhere. All three shook their heads and said they had not and didn't have a clue. Not quite believing them he said that if any of them could find it he would give them a fiver. The lad immediately sprinted off and within 20 secs was back soaking wet with a completely broken dripping wet phone. "It was in the pool dad".....

:lol::lol::lol:

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