Air Travel, generally unpleasant...
 

Just got back from a work trip to Atlanta which I do a couple of times a year, with a couple of others as well, being but a humble grunt business class is just based on upgrades/points so it hasn't happened yet, now it was a novelty and I still like a quick flight, say London or Aberdeen, couple of glasses of wine at the airport, one on the plane, quite civilised but Long Haul is horrible in Economy.

The outward trip was spoilt by the woman in front of me who launched her seat back to the full recline as soon as we took off, put it back to eat and then launched it back whilst I was still eating, I asked her to put it back up which she did with a face like a slapped arse, she was of Asian extraction and cracked on she couldn't understand me until her son spoke to her and she replied in perfect Bradfordian.

On the return, a fat American couple appeared in front, he was like a ball on legs, about sixty and extremely flatulent, he kept getting up and standing on my foot whenever I put it in the aisle (being long of leg), he must have got up twenty times during the flight, usually releasing some evil smells and fannying about in the overhead bins, FFS JUST GET YOUR BAG DOWN, I nodded off and the tw4t slammed the bin and woke me up, sleeping is a real challenge when you cant actually get comfortable, either bolt upright or slouched with the metal of the chair in front digging in your legs.

One flight to Boston I got put in what seemed to be a creche, both ways, babies either in front and behind that cried for a solid 9 hours, usually there is at least one in earshot in Economy.

Like the Fat American a lot of passengers do insist on getting up and making a nuisance of themselves, the serial toilet users, I can understand some people have issues in that department but as a selection of the population I wouldn't expect that many terminally incontinent people and there is no excuse to going in the overhead bins every 10 minutes or bring on what is basically a suitcase and then spend 10 minutes trying to fit it into an overhead bin into which it has no possibility of fitting whilst looking puzzled.

Then there is the food, jesus the Pasta thing (Chicken or Paasta, Chicken or Paasta,) I had on the way back was just not edible, I only get it as I am bored and a wank isn't feasible (Go on, you have weighed up the possibility), the drinks trolley comes round and you can get a glass of "Turpenwine", a Grape Based White spirit substitute of high alcohol content that does the trick but bears no relation to actual wine, fat Americans wife seemed disappointed when she asked for "Peenow" and the steward looked at the carton and said "No Sorry Maam, its a Merlow", she looked crestfallen but said "no thats fine", like it matters what it says on the box, I was tempted to ask for a drop of vintage Krug just to see what would happen, in fact it would be cool to know an Air Hostess and set it up so she had a bottle and produced it when asked in front of the the rest of the passengers. I noticed the Asian family got special meals as I expect they couldnt have the normal stuff on religious grounds, then had the Pasta as well though I think getting two meals on Delta is a bit of a hollow victory.

The Toilets, same for everyone, i.e. too small and in possession of a flush that is basically just explosive decompression, the Business Class passengers don't have to share it with 300 other people who have just spent a week eating stuff that doesn't agree with them and have no concept of leaving things as you found them.

The Noise, like being ingested by a scaled up Hoover, the highest volume on my media player that normally makes me deaf is such that I cant hear the dialog on a film, time to invest in some of those noise cancelling headphones I think, tried them the other day, fantastic. Airbus 330 seems quieter than the Boeing 767.

The map, goes of during the film (with all good bits removed) and its amazing but I reckon that the plane goes in a circle whilst the maps off as when it comes on in between films you think you will be nearly home but always end up somewhere off St Johns in Canada.

The Magazine, always portraying a lavish lifestyle, exotic destinations and designer goods, a real glimpse of the high life (sometimes even called just that), when really it should just advertise Hollans Pies and Bingo, remember, we are back here in Steerage and if I could afford the stuff in there, I wouldnt buy the 12 grand watch, i just wouldnt be sat here !

Getting off, why rush to stand up as soon as the plane has touched down ? its always 5 or ten minutes before the doors open and all you do is rush to get to the immigration queue and the baggage lottery.

Can I respectably suggest you take this book with you on your next flight?

:)

http://books.google.com/books?id=tUf...1&zoom=1&l=220

Beautifully put. :lol1::lol1::lol:

have made many long haul transatlantic flights to USa over the years and thought you summed it up really well....lol:thumb:

I couldn't agree more.

It starts from the airport, UK airports especially Gatwick are god awful places put to shame by many airports in what people would assume are less prosperous/developed countries.

Economy class is just something to be endured, it is painful. I flew by Virgin upper class to Barbados a few years ago and that has just screwed me up. I'm sure there are better ways to fly but after that I just can't bring myself to fly long haul economy (or premium economy) again.

So much so that since then I haven't flown long haul as I can't afford to fly like that all the time. I've only gone short haul economy so I don't have to suffer 10+ hours of that torture. The problem is that short haul economy brings it's own issues. Having flown to Turkey a few times I couldn't even get to the loo because all the attendants were interested in was selling booze and fags to the chavs. They blocked the aisles with their duty free trolleys for what seemed like 80% of the journey so I couldn't actually get past them to get to the loo.

Wife wants us to go to Florida this summer and I really don't know what to do

Yeah sounds like a typical flight in the slums section. I am also tall at 6 foot 2 and the leg room is far too little for this day and age but hey if thy get another row in to make more profit they will.
I went to mexico for my honeymoon a year and a half ago and had a family at the front (we paid business class for a treat aswell) the dad was a typical business man with his massive news paper ignoring his 3 kids making a massive show of him.
Anyway to cut a long story short this kids windges I want to go down for 6 of the 9 hours which was a drag, by this point most people where at the point of going mad.
The mum took two of the boys to the toilet and left the naughty one on his own to sit while his Dad continued reading his paper but he dicided to run up and down the 3 seats in the middle of the plane, he fell and hit his face on the arm of the chair knocking his two front teeth loose in which they had to hold him down and pull them out on the plane.
That was worth the 9 hours of noise!

shouldn't you be slipping one up the missus instead of banging on about cattle class on a internerd forum

LOL! I've had worse experiences, but I don't think I could put them as well as this. :lol1:

Asif

In the flying game, my friend, you BUY pleasantness.
It might not be the popular opinion, but it is the truth.
astraboy.

Actually, part of my ire was due to my Kindle deciding it didn't want to turn on despite a full charge so its getting binned in favour of paper, don't care why I am just going to go back to paper as it never fails to turn on.

I feel your pain Jacko. We did a long haul to my brother in Oz 8 years ago, and it still haunts me. :freak3: My other brother is flying out there tomorrow morning, for the first time. I thought about emailing him your post, but don't want to ruin his hols. He's 6'6"!

The whole experience is hateful. :(

Do you mean pay for Business class or offer Elmer P Fartarse the 3rd in front of me a tenner to stop dropping his arse ?

If you have to do this sort of trip quite regularly, try to reserve the seats with slightly better leg-room. All you need to know is which machine you'll be flying on (it should say on your e-ticket as soon as your flight booking's confirmed), and this:
www.seatguru.com

My last long haul was 2 years ago to Tokyo with two kids and a wife, flying with BA.

Absolutely no issues whatsoever.

Admittedly, we had a free upgrade to World Traveller Plus, but that in itself is no great shakes.
The overall experience was nothing like J4cko's though.

The Premium economy experience is better, I did one to Calgary last year and a little more space makes all the difference, I do the Manchester - Atlanta one as its direct, can go WTP but need to fly from Heathrow and its a lot more expensive, however can still do it as it not Business Class.

The other problem is, probably have enough points to get an upgrade on Delta now but you only get upgrades from a full price economy ticket and we never end up paying full price.

Plus, wouldn't have anything to moan about !

Yes, might do that next time, trouble is, Delta have several configurations of 767 and you never know which one it is, all I know its those without the personal screen which these days is rubbish, aging fleet that needs a bit of a refresh.

Still sounds better than American Airlines or US Airways...;)

I fly a lot with work, always economy. I've done UK to Australia many times and a few Australia to Houston. Flights over 6 hours just fill me with dread, really something to be endured.

Short haul I don't mind so much especially if it's a half empty 737 or A320, I guess it's the the fact that it isn't a 13 hour flight etc.

Yes the worst ones are ignorant passengers who just ram their seat back as soon as you take off like they have zero awareness or who is behind them. Anther annoying breed are the people who seem like they have never flow before, just doing everything wrong, getting in the way etc.

I work in a lot of 3rd world places where people cannot queue and are ignorant/poorly socialised etc too.

Hate people who strike up a conversation with you and never shut up, worse still are the drunks who don't stop talking.

Then you get the people who can't eat without elbows everywhere or who just kick back in the middle seat like they own it and stick both elbows right out.

Messy eaters too are annoying.

Fidgeters, hyperactive people too.

Sometimes it feels like you're sitting next to the type of people who shop at Tesco.

One of my team is in Perth, so a trip to Oz, though not on the cards right now is a distinct possibility, met up with him last week in Atlanta, now he really had something to complain about, still, last time we met up he was on the A380 and got an upgrade as his brother was the First Officer.

Yes the magazine are awful, always portraying this vulgar noveux riche lifestyle of watches, yachts, all endorsed by your favorite celebs and the articles are so bland and pointless.

flew Delta to Minneapolis yesterday so feel your pain.

Evil, evil airline, but they fly direct from Heathrow.

I've still got the flight back to endure as well

Do it every 2 years to NZ, worst feckin repeating nightmare of my life :(

Another candidate for the Victor Meldrew Travel Club.

the worst bit about flying, for me, is going through the security check. I know I have to take belt off, shoes, laptop out of bag etc...so does not bother me, but people stand in a queue for 15 minutes watching everyone else in front of them go through this process and then when it's their turn seem surprised when they have to take belt off, shoes, laptop out of bag etc....

:wall:

Nice one. Aren't they the same people who will stand in a queue at a shop/bar etc and when it comes to their turn then spend 10 minutes searching around their pockets for money?? Did they think they weren't going to have to pay??

Excellent description. Thank goodness i don't have to do trips like that any more. We sometimes had to do that to pick up another aircraft somewhere and we never looked forward to it.

Les

Can you still get free Booze on Delta? I'm flying every fortnight from Manchester to Newark on Continental and they now charge $7 for a G&T - Boo! I think Continental/United are turning into a no-frills airline but with frills prices.

I can just about deal with scheduled, done a few marathon trips (Oz / Nz) and it's bearable but rarely get any sleep as it's hard to get comfortable being 6ft3. Charter on the other hand....

Flew Thomas Cook to Dominican Republic (~9hrs), there should be a law against how many seats they cram onto a plane, I could just about fit into mine but had to manoeuvre into it standing then slide down getting my feet under the seat in front so I could then get my knees in. All the seats had been pre-booked so couldn't sit with the missus, instead I had a couple who epitomised the mantra that money can't buy class, they decided to ease the suffering of flying by drinking as much wine as they could purchase. I refused to pay over the odds for a tiny bottle of cheap plonk. Still it could have been worse, the missus ended up sitting next to the female equivalent of Rab C Nesbitt :D

Thought there would be a better class of tourist on a Caribbean holiday but I was sadly misguided :(

FFS man delete this post. An excellent site, but the less people that know about it the better ;) :D

Best flight I ever had to the US was in a C-130 transport plane. Bags and bags of legroom, no inflight movie, no steward service, loo was a bucket behind a curtain near the tail gate. 12 hours from Brize to Gandar, over night in a hotel courtesy of crab air, then on to Boston the next morning and finally on to Syracuse. 2nd best flight was 8 of us on an RAF VC10 with in flight steward and a slab of beer.Brize to Washington is the only RAF flight where beer is allowed, only problem was we didn't know you were not allowed to provide your own so we all had a 24 pack of Miller in our bergans for the flight back and tucked into them happily before the steward had a fit and told us we could drink, but not our own. So we ended up drinking RAF beer aswell as a sly one of your own every now and again. :D