A man walks into a bar...
 

He said ouch :lol1:


A man walks into a bar,

Bartender: what can I get you?

Man: I'll have a triple whisky!

The bartender pours the drink and gives it to the man. The man necks the drink in one go and says " cor I shouldn't have had that with what I've got" to which the bartender replies "why, what have you got" the man reies with a rather smug lookon his face and says "50p"

A jew,a Mexican and a black man walk into a bar the bartender says "get the fcuk out of my bar"

A bra and a set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The set of jump leads takes a seat at a table while the
bra goes up to the bar.
The bra says to the barman, "G'day mate,3 large beers thanks."
"Sorry mate", the barman says "but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" the bra says.
"You're off your tits mate, and your friends look like
they're gunna start something."

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an
electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'


A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find
their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and
sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a
husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and
I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in
karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is
blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your
right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think
about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."


And in a slightly different vein ...


A little girl goes to the barber shop with her Father. She stands next to
the barber chair,eating a cake while her Dad gets his hair cut The barber
smiles at her and says,
'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
'I know' she replies 'one day I'm gonna get tits too.'

Enjoy!

Dont give up your day job guys :thumb:

A man gets on to a bus with a lemon on his ear

The bus driver asks "why do you have a lemon on you ear?"

The man replies "well you've heard of a hearing aid? Well this is a lemonade"

:D terrible I know.

Englishman Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar

barman says "is this some sort of fvcking joke"

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."

dl

f(x) = 2x + 3 walks into a bar.

Barman says "sorry, we don't do functions."

A man walks into a bar order 2 pints necks them both, then gets his old boy out and pi$$es against the bar, then profusely apologises for his actions saying how embarassed he is, the barman not happy at all tells him to get out

The next day the same guy comes in orders 2 pints and does the same again, apologises again saying how embarassed he is, and gets kicked out again

3rd day, you get the picture, so the barman bans him

A month later he walks in again and says to the barman 'Its ok i'm cured now' reluctantly the barman serves him, and guess what ? Old boy out and pi$$es against the bar, the barman shouts 'I thought you were cured' the man replies 'I am, I'm not embarassed anymore'

A carrot and a pea walk into a bar.. the carrot says to the barman "2 pints please"
The barman says "sorry we don't serve food in here"

:rolleyes:

Come back Swiss!

Actually they were pretty good, especially the blind bloke in the bar!

Les :D

I am holiday folks , so you have a week's break :D


Love all those jokes, the bar ones are always the best :thumb:

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

Some people from scoobynet walk into a bar... but the place is empty thanks to the ****ing recession

booooooooooooooo :nono: