The nativity according to chavs
 

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that, ‘cause he’s a chippy, innit? Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo you lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.'

Mary's totally gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we is gonna get. 'Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin an' they is killin' all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay'.

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

don't forget to close your door on the way out:lol1:

I know, so sorry, couldn't help it.

:lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent.

On a similar note, the following is from a book called 'That'll Learn Yer' (or How to Speak Northamptonshire Proper)by David Wilson. This is how the Creation from the Book of Genesis would read.

Fust orf, God made evvun-un-earth, but roit frum the start there weren't no shape to it nor nothing, an it were dark evryweer. Then God's spirit started orf cree-airtin.
An God sed, "Roit, let's ev sum loit" an bless yuh, there it were. An 'E sed "That loit's gunner be called Day, and when it's dark it'll be Noit. An that were orl done on the very fust day.

The nex day God sed, "Now, I kennev orl this ere water orl uvver the plairce, so I'm gunner catch orl that droi land up togither an orl the water cun join up an mek grut seas". An 'E sed "I want grarse an crops an trees to grow on that land", an that's juss what happened.

Arter that God set on to mek the sun an moon an stars, so uz we cuddev days an months, an winter an spring an summer roit through to the back end.

Wal, orl that turned ewt smashin, so God put iz mind to cree-airtin animuls, an fish, an birds, and evun inseks. Yis God med evrithin what moves on the earth, cuz, nachrully God can turn iz and to ennything.

Then E cum to the crownin glory other lot. On the sixth day God sed "Roit I'm gunner mek a Man unner Wummun, un I'm gunner give um the runner cree-airshun an see what they meks on it.

An that's juss what 'E did, an 'E give um iz blessin an told um "I'm med it orl fer yoo, so treat it proper an I ope yawl be appy thayer".

Arter that God wannid a good sit down an put iz feet up, so on the semth day 'E ad a rest - an med it speshly O-ly. :thumb:

:lol1: :lol1:

Here's a typical chav nativity scene:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e/image001.jpg