Monday afternoon cheer up
 

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.When mother and new
baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house,
Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained
that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so
much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears
or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his
life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and
beautiful little hands,
a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'


'That's great', said Little Johnnie, 'cause he'd be screwed if he needed
glasses'
:D

u do know you will burn in hell for all the jokes you post up here? right? :p



but even still.....



:lol1:

Suuuuuuuckssss

:top:

A few more :)

*A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?'

A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be
called Winston!'


What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

About 2.3 pounds including the urn.



What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.



A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I
must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.



Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing
the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground.
As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in.

'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!'


A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'.

His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother'

A topical one and apologies if it offends anyone.

As Kate McCann read about the Karen Matthews affair in the newspaper she shook her head in disgust, turning to her husband Gerry she muttered F*uckin' amateurs!

No offence here maz :D :thumb:

lol :D

It's good to know there are people here who can take a joke.:thumb:

You never have to worry about me :D

Can take a joke, yes but they havent mastered the art of telling one yet ;) :D

You're a cynical lot on here!:D

He is talking about you maz :mad:

have him !!! :p

I must say Swiss, Einstein's joke was funny :D

:D

<Frank Carson mode>It's the way I tell em!:p

was he swiss, i thought he was german :Suspiciou