funny
 

Baked Beans


One day this woman met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When
it became apparent that they would marry, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.


Some months later, on her birthday, her car broke down on the way home and she phoned her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.


On her way, she passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than she could stand. With miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home, so she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, she made sure that she released ALL the gas.

Upon her arrival, her husband seemed excited to see her and
exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"


He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the dinner
table. She took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned
and went to answer the call.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and
the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin from her lap and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, she ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping her ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
other room, she went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she quickly fanned
the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded
her hand back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with herself.

Her face must have been the picture of innocence when her
husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she
had peeked through the blindfold, and she assured him she had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

She fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


:lol: :lol:



A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
>him. She says hello.
>
>He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So
>he says, "Do you know me?"
>
>To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
>
>Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
>his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
>that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while
>your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
>
>She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
>
>
>
>No, I'm your son's teacher."
:lol: :lol:



An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Englishman: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England."

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."
.................................



:thumb: :thumb:

:lol1: :lol1: :lol1: :D

:lol1: :lol1:

last one's the best one :D