Management sayings
 

I've heard some right tits in management especially sales managers come out with some right says. What stupid sayings have you heard or used.

I've used this saying taken from somebody on here

manager - "there's no I in team"

me - "True, but there's a U in cnut" :D

"Your fired" :lol1:

I did a weeks course for 'PRINCE2 Practitioner' project management qualification last week, I've had enough of b0ll0cks 'manager speak' for quite a while now. :cry:

been called "Dynamic" instead of young cuz of all this age discrimination cr@p

:cuckoo:

And how to fiddle your expenses sheet? ;)

It's hard going tbh, a hell of a lot of theory to cram into a 4/5 day course. It does all seem to make sense though, in a confusing kind of way, I imagine you'd have to run a couple of PRINCE2 projects before you'd really get comfortable with it all.

People seem to like it these days so it can't be all that bad, supposedly quite useful to have on the CV so we'll have to see. :)

Don't be ridiculous, I pay a professional to do that for me. ;)

No I in Team, the response to that is there is definetely a 'u' in cnut.

Our new director is fond of "There's 24 hours in every day, how you use them is up to you" :rolleyes: I choose to use them for my own benefit, ta very much.

There's one... That just tripped off the keyboard..

We had one recently, 'lets look in the mirror' :cuckoo: WTF is that all about

Strategy & Going Forward are some of my favourites ;) :D

Classic! And there was me using "There's a 'me' in team if you look close enough" - I've got a new response now, thanks! :D

Our MD - Square circle :cuckoo:

Going forward winds me up BIG TIME ... why not just say "in the future" :wonder:

TX.

My favourite at the mo "there's a lot of expensive people waiting for you" :D

We need to empower our staff so they can leverage our customer focus so we can all sing from the same hymn sheet and encourage blue sky thinking whilst thinking outside the box to facilitate a win win situation. We don't want any show stoppers which will impact our deliverables so we should concentrate on our core competencies to enable a paradigm shift which will synergise our proactive thinking.

are you a MD or Sales Manager? :D

Let's grasp the low hanging fruit.....

:eek:

Why use "leverage" as a verb? That's fecking tantamount. :mad:

I couldn't let this go without some quotes from The Master.

I have some managers at work who quote Brent... but in a serious vein.. sad really.

Enjoy..

• A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?
  
  
• Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
  
  
• Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.
  
  
• I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
  
  
• If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
  
  
• If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
  
  
• If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
  
  
• If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
• 
  
• If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
  
  
• It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.
  
  
• Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
  
  
• Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
  
  
• Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
  
  
• Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
  
  
• Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.
  
  
• Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.
  
  
• Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
• 
  
• Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
  
  
• Remember the 3 golden rules:
  1. It was like that when I got here.
  2. I didn't do it.
  3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
  
  
• Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
  
  
• Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.
  
  
• There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
  
  
• There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
  
  
• Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
  
  
• What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
  
  
• You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
  
  
• You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

That's the main one that I really hate! :mad:

What's the waiting time for the exam results at the moment? I had to wait for 3 MONTHS for mine when I took it about a year ago. :(

most disappointed that no-one has wanted to 'run any of these idea's up the flagpole ' :)

I'd like to see some original organic suggestions :thumb:

No I in Team but there is a Me if you look hard enough!

Anyone that says touch base or keep me in the loop is immediately discredited and if possible ignored.

Not that I'm shallow and form scathing and labelling initial impressions of people in my line :D

" Cant Understand, Need Training ?? " Often a question I ask the multiple users / managers I deal with :-)

The managers I deal with believe that the thicker the tie knot, the brighter the colour of tie, and the trendier the glasses, the more smarter they are, or the quicker they are at saying "Yes" to their bosses.

SBK

stir fry a few ideas around your think wok

blue sky thing


leave it in the long grass = ive started saying this myself im ashamed to say