How do I deal with Death ??
 

This evening whilst we sat at her bed side my 89 yr old Grand mother passed away, its did seem pieceful and she didnt seem to fight it.

It was nice to be there with her, but my Dad (64) is kinda used to having his mum in is life and only recently lost his wife.. my mum aged 50 to a long Cancer fight.

I'm really worried about him, I've not reacted yet... just numb

Surely you do what comes naturally, and be there to support your family?

its different for everyone it takes time but you will eventually

i spose it depends largely on whether the death was a natural one or not. the age is another factor to consider

Look death squarely in the eyes and tweak his nipples.

i am watching you :wonder:

anyone see what the original post was? :confused:

He said death, not daft. :p

No, but presumably the capitalisation of Death meant he was asking about the actual grim reaper himself, rather than the concept.

:lol1:

He was but he decided it was too personal, thanks anyway

He was talking about his gran who is very ill so don't take thje pi$$ too much.

Death comes to us all, and unfortunately you have to just be supportive of the people who are left.

The horrible tendancy is to look around and see who is next ... my Aunties are in their 80's, my parent close to 80 etc ...

Steve

Pimmo my son I'm afraid you have booked a 1 way ticket to hell:nono: so enjoy life when you can, and ill sharpen my scythe :thumb:

I haven't had anyone in my family die yet that I am close to. Grandparents hitting 90 soon.

I used public figures/celebrities as a guide. Used to be no-one I knew, slowly moving towards people of my parents generation. Guess it will be a bit scary when you start hearing all the same aged celebrities dying off.

Thin it gets easier to accept as you get older too. My Grandfather who has had numerous heart ops is completely unafraid of death, but doesn't want to die because of the amount of love from and for him in the family.

the best way you can my friend ! take it as it comes and support is never far away ...and not always from whom you expect ! take it easy !

You have to accept that it is something that is there for us all. It is terribly upsetting when you lose someone close to you, as I have just recently. I find that the best way to get through it is to think about all the good things and times that you have known with that person and give thanks for their life which hopefully was a happy one.

Les

One thing I have learnt as I have seen the generation before me die off is that many older folk accept in themselves that their time is up. They don't want to hear the cliches - "don't be silly Gran you'll soon be back home" - they just want the reassurance that their families are around them and that they have played their part in bring them up safely. So bear that in mind. dl

It is hard to be objective at a time like that. For something that is inevitable death is still a subject for which there is no right or wrong way of coping with.

Exactly, everyone handles it differently. Some people get angry, others will be numb (I did see the OP by the way).
If you don't feel you are very good with the emotional side of it can you help practically? When someone dies there is a ton of official stuff to do, dealing with the undertakers, vicar, registering the death, sorting out any benefit/ pension issues. Having someone there to deal with the day to day things - even if it's just a case of cooking tea for a few weeks - can be a great help.

This evening whilst we sat at her bed side my 89 yr old Grand mother passed away, its did seem pieceful and she didnt seem to fight it.

It was nice to be there with her, but my Dad (64) is kinda used to having his mum in is life and only recently lost his wife.. my mum aged 50 to a long Cancer fight.

I'm really worried about him, I've not reacted yet... just numb

Sorry about your Gran, and your Mum.

Might be some useful stuff here -
Cruse Bereavement Care

:( :(
I am so sorry. I've been there, having lost my Dad, Nan and Grandad. My Grandparents were so special but my Dad, was the be all and end all of my life. I still miss him.
Take heart, it does get easier

I dont feel things, since my mum,

My dad had a heart attack soon after and my gran died just before my mum.

My mums mum was my gran, my dads was my Nan, made life easy.
So Gran, Mum, Nearly dad, Nan..

Life sucks

I'm 24

:( :(

Pimm, you need to feel, you need to react. it's not easy to accept such loss, even when we know that it comes inevitably.

React, take it out.
If not in front of your father, in front of someone else you trust. Don't block it. Once you have let it out, you can support others in an easier way. After a bit, your father will realise that he has you to think about. He will support you, you will support him.

Take it easy.

How? I start to let myself think about her and it hurts. I block it and it doesnt.

Ok.
You don't want to feel hurt. Therefore, you block it. Blocking your feelings is the remedy for your pain ATM.
That's fine.
So, in what way do you think that you want to deal with death?
Is the question just for your father? If it is, you can always emotionally support him as much as possible. If you find it difficult, bereavement counselling is an option.

I am really sorry to hear about your terrible losses. So many of us know what it is like and at your age it is very hard to bear.

Above all you must stick with your dad, he has had a pretty bad time too especially with his heart attack and needs your support even if he does not appear to show it.

Best wishes

Les

Sorry to hear about your loss.

A period of numbness is perfectly natural after somone close to you passes away. The concept of death and its full implications are just too much to take in straight away, especially when there are arrangements to be taken care of etc.. That doesn't mean that's the way you'll stay though.

From what you're saying it sounds like you already want to grieve, but are scared of being hurt. Being hurt is part of the process I'm afraid. Trying to block it out may seem like a more appealing alternative in the short term, but it won't work for long; it's like hanging paper of a crack in the wall. You have to grieve; it's your mind's way of getting to an acceptance that a person is really and truly gone.

You'll probably find that grief has a strange effect on your memory; it's kinda like looking back on something that is now shrouded by a thick fog. Every now and then you'll get a glimpse of the person through a whole in the fog only for it to receed again. Each times this happens, it'll be like a kick in the guts. Have a cry, go out with your mates, look over some old photos (whatever provides comfort) then keep looking. Eventually the fog will dissipate and you'll be left with your memories and looking back on them will make you smile rather than upset.

Just remember two things:

1) However alone you feel, you're not; you're never alone.
2) However painful grieving may be, you will get through it and move on a stronger person for having the guts to go through it.
3) Those who've passed away wouldn't want us to be miserable for ages. Grieve, be thankful for the time you had with the person then move on and take only your good memories of them with you.

Here's a lyric I always found quite comforting:

Feeling you shake
Feel your heart break
Thinking if only, if only, if only, if only
And the salt water runs
Through your veins and your bones
Telling you no not this way, not this way, not this way

And you would give anything
Give up everything
Offer your life blood away
For yesterday

No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When we're gone
Watch the world simply carry on
We live on laughing and in no pain
We'll stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today

Finding the answer
It's a human obsession
But you might as well talk to the stones and the trees and the sea
'Cause nobody knows
And so few can see
There's only beauty and caring and truth beyond darkness
No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When we're gone
Watch the world simply carry on
We live on laughing and in no pain
We'll stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today

And we won't understand your grief
Because time is illusion
As this watery world spins around
This timeless sun
Will dry your eyes
And calm your mind

No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When we're gone
Watch the world simply carry on
It's okay, we will stay and be happy
Stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today

Marillion- Estonia

Feel better mate!

All the best,

Ns04

That's poems great, but I'm an orphan, with no friends.... so I'm well fcuked :cry: