One liner jokes
 

Anyone know any one liner jokes or short jokes, or even any cheesy chat up lines.....

ie. is that a mirror in ur pocket cos i can see myself in ur pants lol :norty:

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you

As long as I have a face, you'll always have somewhere to sit

Are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock

if i can rearrange the alphabet, i would put u and i together

iam not fred flinstone but i will make your bedrock!!!!!


do you sleep on your stomach at night....can i sleep on it?

put your helmet on love , your going threw the headboard :D

the best one yet,....point to your watch and say ' this watch can tell if your wearing knickers, then say you havent got any on, if she says yes i have, tap your watch a couple of times and say must be an hour fast :D
RADIO 1 today

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll have a fcukin good at it for ya!

SwissTony!

*thud*

How about the classic,

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you let me stick my finger up your bottom? :)

well I am honoured, but I hardly think my name is going to do the business :lol1: :lol1: :lol1:

damm. I knew I had missed one out :0

PMSL :D

Just tell them your testing a new drug from America.
It's half Viagra & half Prosac.

If you don't get a f*ck you don't give a f*ck!

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex!

Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

Did you hear about the gay eskimo? He got a chap on his willy :D

I was with a bird last night she said 'give me eight inches and make it hurt'

So i f****ed her twice and smacked her round the head with a brick

some moses ones


baby would u shag a muslim so he will blow up inside u :D


or baby bang me one mair time :D baang lol

yo lady can i stick my dynamite inside u till your brains blow oot :D




sorry its the old bombs and suicide jokes i created ages ago lol

what dae u call a female suicide bomber

miss dynamiteee hee :D

"So this baby seal walks into a club..."


I don't even know why i find it so funny, but it has me in stitches every time I think about it :D

:)

We all live under the same sky, but we don't see the same horizon.

The only way to make a dream come true is to wake up and live it.

Audilover! *crowd roars in laughter*:notworthy :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

This the sort of thing you are looking for?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.

I really think the Mars Rover is scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore site.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

What we could really use is the separation of Bush and state.

Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

If you can't read this, you're illiterate.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

He who hesitates is boss.

As they say at the Planned Parenthood Clinic, better late than never

** If they are **** I apologise, I just copied and pasted (without reading them) them from somewhere :)

excuse me but does this condom make me look fat?


(i work as a delivery dude for food) and we're reasonably quick.
so when the people say when i get there "wow you're quick"
i reply "yeah thats what all the ladies say" :(