Anyone else got a wife/partner whose life centralises on your children?
 

I have and it is really really fukin me off :mad:

She was ambivalent about having kids before but now that she has, her whole life is centralised on ours until the point where I consider it excessive. Example tonight is that our daughter is changing school this autumn (our choice) and because she was a bit upset/unsure about the future, my partner comes out in sympathy :rolleyes: Sure I don't want my daughter upset but we suppport her and look after her and help her through. She's under 10 and she'll make new friends etc. Nothing is ever going to be totally rosy but we'll pull through together. My partner however is not so minded. To her the world is coming to an end, she wants to change to another school or maybe another, she rang up another parent and obsessed about it to her for nearly an hour and thats after having rung another earlier. I'm sitting outside with a beer and she come out after she puts the phone down and immediately starts into the whole process again. We've chosen the new school for what we consider (well I still do) are practical and sound reasons. Partner declares that cos daughter is unhappy at the prospect of changing, she is and she wants her to go to another school which is number 3 on my list of suitability because "she is very close to me". This is despite the additional travelling this school will involve (90 mins day) when my partner is not working and the fact that all her new friends will be centered on the new school as opposed to the school close to us. All that sort of practical stuff. When I object, I am suddenly uncaring, non-supportive and so on, so much so that she feels she has to speak to other mums to get support.

This is just an example of how obsessive she is on our children to the point where I often feel a piece of furniture and not the favourite one at that. Useful for DIY is my epitaph.

Is this normal? I can't even discuss my day when I get home for instance without her suddenly remembering to check on a child going to sleep OK and walking out.

OK - long bad day with domestics at the end of it so apologise for the rant. Usual regular member under a psudonym scenario but before the row bit I was unhappy and have been for a long time with this going on like it is and my partners focusing on the children. Any suggestions or advice welcome. As I feel at the moment I want to leave her to it.

divorce


gets better then )not)

Mart

think its a thing called reality for lots of couples , tbh fella..:(

Try telling her what you have just told eveyone here although perhaps using slightly more diplomatic language ;)

I'm sure Spoon will be along shortly.

Otherwise - you'd be amazed what challenges kids survive, unless she'll be the only black girl in an all-white school or something like that then I'm sure she'll merge in fine.

When Baby Dom was born I didn't have time to clean the scooby for 9 months !! LOL

My kids welfare / education wins 100 % and all I do is provide the money for that to happen....apart from that I am invisible !!

It's what mum's do ....end of !!

Midlife.....

shes in primary school, send her to the closest one to home as what they teach is all tosh anyway. If you want her to be a achiever teach her a bit yourself at evening when your home for work.

Read books with her.
Draw up a list of words she should learn to spell and tester.
Get out the geography and history books and tell her about interesting world facts etc.

My dad did all those things with my sister and she got a government scholarship after aceing the eleven plus.

my advice, dont give up until you have got the the crux of the problem. What you are seeing/hearing/expereincing are merely the symptoms of the problem. Get to the bottom of it.

My dad walked when it got a bit 'tough' I was 8. Whilst i stayed in touch with him most of the time, something died and as i got older and learnt about relationships myself I saw that he took the easy selfish route.... I've never really respected him since.....

Sorry if thats not much help, I wouldnt want my kids to feel about me, the way I do about my dad.....

Just had my 1st child and it has changed my whole outlook on life, was scared to death of being a Dad right up until when he was born.Admit I feel a bit left out at times (starting to miss the nagging about wasting my evenings on scoobynet). End of the day though I realise that a child requires a lot more attention than I do:)

Women have some imaginary umbilical cord which never seems to be severed. Believe me when I say that this becomes a curse as you watch your children grow up and you suffer all the anxieties involved. No-body wants to go through this and it takes a super human effort to be rational and balanced about the fears that you believe (or even imagine) that your children go through.

You know all that stuff about *men and women coming from Venus and Mars*.....................it's probably most true when it comes to raising children and if anyone is lucky enough to be with a partner who has identical views about the upbringing of thier children, they are few and far between.

Please don't think that you are any less the person that your partner fell in love with...but, equally, try to make the super human effort to understand that she is going through her own private little hell by trying to make your children's world a more comfortable place to be in.

Children never came along with a guarantee that they would give you anything in return for bringing them into this world. They depend on you for everything...............for at least the next 20 years..........and more.

Don't give up.........and if you can't talk together now .......do nothing until you can....and good luck :thumb:

at 10 year old kids will settle anywhere !
I made a major move with my 3 girls after my divorce when I met my new partner ( after being with him for 2 years)
I moved myself and my girls 125 miles away from what they knew as home... they've all become different lasses.. could never get them out of the house back in manchester.. up here we can't get the buggers in.. they've made sooo many friends!

it does sound like your missus is going a little bit overboard.. after all ... at 10 years old, the child will be moving to high school anyway within the next 12 months.. meeting other kids from different schools in the area.. and no doubt making new friends too.

have you checked out the most recent ofsted reports for the schools you're looking at? These can give a reasonable insight as to how the school performs.

hope you get it all sorted without resorting to too many disagreements!:thumb:
it's not good for a 10 year old when there's an atmosphere between mum & dad!;)

You've just added another 5 years to me being a dad.

I've watched several friends get divorced after having kids..........

We got a terrier a year ago and are still happy.

Sound advice:)

Do women have an obsession with getting a dog after having a baby? my missus now has her heart set on getting another dog:brickwall

And Women do you all hate men whilst you are giving birth? blaming us all for all you go through and say you are never having another. And yet 2 weeks later you are on about another one:confused: did that pain not put you off for life?

The dog is the only invited guest - no kids here!

gf wants a 3rd chow ,or a westie:eek:

Lol I know that scenario, but that said my wife does a fantastic job organising our daughter, our home etc etc, I don't know what I'd do without her !!

I really can't remember when I last cleaned the scoob, so much so I'm taking it to the hand wash this morning, i's silvetr so you get away with it and the brake dust makes the alloys look like they're anthracite rather than silver.

The whole school mums scene is a different world, some of the stuff I hear is sad/hillarious/worrying, thank christ my wife steers clear :)

does your wife have any hobbies or outside interests...? if not then maybe she needs one...

She sounds a bit of a nightmare.....Is your daughter all she has to focus on?

If I was her I'd dump you straight away, you uncaring BEAST!..................:D

sounds to me like your issue is with you and her...nothing to do with the kid. you are just talking your anger out on that issue because its an obvious target for your anger.

all comes down to time management, we have 3 kids (one on the way) and so HUGE amounts of time have to be spent on them by the wife who also has to run the house......quite frankly i dont care how obssesive she may or may not be about them (thats her job, she doest bother me about my work)

but both of us would get pissed if the others job (be it kids or my work) got in the way of our lives.....we dine out once a week, cinema once a week, watch the odd show, regular weekends away (NEVER take the kids away with us), loads of sex, etc, etc........if that dried up and the culprit was still finding time to spend on thier "work" then questions would be asked, as you seem to be doing.

:thumb:

At her age schooling is important - for the kid, not the parents! Your child should be going to the school that you consider the best for her education, not because it takes less time out of your day - or because mothers mates hang out there.

Both of you are being selfish IMO. Your daughter is going to have to go through a transition period whichever school she moves to - so make sure its the best for HER education wise, not her mates, her mothers mates or your time schedule.

Thanks Brendan, I'm impressed with your memory. :thumb:

I still shudder if I think back. :(

Some women change inexplicably when they become Mothers, certainly to the point of an unhealthy obsession in my case.

I wish you the very best, I really do.

Now i'm intrigued!

Just ignore her. You both made the decision together i presume, so the deal is done. :)

Fookin ell, welcome to my world, you my friend have to lower your expectations a little and stop thinking of oneself, it is ineviatable that when you have kids you will get your nose pushed out, you are no longer number one priority, you are the provider, to be honest you get used to it and become grateful for small mercies like 50 quid not allocated to kid stuff or a day off when they are at school, perhaps a BJ on your birthday.

I earn good money (40k) but never see any of it for stuff I want, I drive a shonky old Saab yet lurk on here seeing what you lads buy and it does piss me off a bit sometimes but I have learnt to live with it, maybe I dont get to spend on gadgets and cars but I have 3 sons which to me is important and my life made more sense when I realised my position in the scheme of things, the kids being young is a finite time to be enjoyed, dont miss it by being bitter and jealous, just go with it, put up with all the bollocks that women bring to it as they do it in the best interests of the children, you are healthy, able and big enough to sort youself out.

Basically bear with it, be stoic, her rock, do your duty and after a few years you can chill again.


Saying that,

Us fathers in this day and age have a bit of a raw deal, my grandad and my dad always came home to a cooked meal and a clean house, maybe thats chauvanistic but its true, nowadays women dont do the domestic stuff yet want to ponce about town being all independant but which muggins ends up doing the dirty jobs and making his own tea ?

Once the biological clock starts ticking in a woman all they are interested in is procreating. To them a man is just a sperm bank necessary to fertilise their egg(s). Oh god I am so glad I am gay :D

How's the sex life? ;)

Seriously, I sympathise. Sounds a little like an OTT reaction to me.

Oh are you gay? Sorry I didn't know, as I believe in 1 of your 150 odd posts, you didn't mention it.

Of course, being "gay" you've never had a long term relationship with a woman, so won't know what a complete pile of sh1te your post about men/sperm banks is.

Apart from all that, good post, keep it up. :hjtwofing