Father John and his bath.
 

Father John and his bath..

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

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That wicked old Devil!" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!

Nun rushes in one morning to see mother Superior.

"Oh, Mother! Something terrible happened last night. One of the local monks broke into my room and made mad passionate love to me all night!"

"Don't worry, sister," said Mother Superior, "Just suck half this lemon".

"Will that stop me from getting pregnant, mother?" asks the young nun.

"Nope", responds Mother Superior, "But I bet it wipes that smile off your face!

Alcazar

A young Nun joins a convent where, as a newcomer, she is only allowed to speak out loud once a year, directly to Mother Superior, and then only two words at that.

At the end of the first year she says "Room's cold". Mother Superior is taken aback but says nothing.

At the end of second year she says "Food's awful". Mother Superior is taken aback, yet again, but says nothing.

At the end of thet third year she says "Clothes itch". Mother Superior is so taken aback that she says "You're fired, you must leave straight away"

The young Nun asks why (breaking the rule, but what the heck, she's on her way)

To which Mother Superior says.
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"I can't stand you here any more. Ever since you've been here, you've done nothing except complain..."