sensitive legal advice needed
 

ok a bit of a sensitive one here, and I have decided not to hide behind another name though. cant see the point really.

A mate of mine from school, is living with her partner, *2 women*, michelle my friend already has 2 kids of her own, her and her partner have been togeather for 6 years, and would like to have a child togeather (for obvious reasons this is not as straight forward as it could be)

to have the treatment privately will cost iro £5000 for ivf etc, and theres no guarentees of success.

well I have seen them recently and we started to discuss this treatment they were considering having, I said I would donate sperm for them if they wanted me too.

my question is this, if I did do this, and it was successfull and a child was concieved, would I have any liability over the child? is there anything I can put on paper so I waive all rights as a father etc? I dont want the kid to know im its father and I dont want it tapping me on the shoulder in 18 years and saying buy me a car fooker :D

im fairly sure no one will admit to have been in this situation before but any advice is welcome as im getting cold feet now.

jamo :)

The law has changed recently. The child now has the right to know who you are.

Keep well out of it would be my advice. dl

Do I understand this correctly...you're thinking about helping 2 lesbos have a kid?.......personally I think it is a totally unnautural situation, and is ethically and morally wrong..the fact that they cannot naturally conceive tells you a lot about how mother nature intended it to be....

Sorry if this is un-pc but FFS when will all this pc crap end!

the job of pope has been taken already :) yes im hopeing to help them.

Madness....... I feel for the Kids.

This is NOT a toy you are about to create !
Yve

cheers for that imlach

however thats something that wouldnt be an issue for me as that is for frozen donations, as mine would be a "fresh" donation it would not come under that legislation.

jamo :)

whats your point yve? are you suggesting that 2 women cant look after children?

jamo

if your going to make a comment like that wish, please back it up and explain why "you feel for the kids"

jamo

the whole point of this thread is so I can decide wether its a good idea or not? and if its going to bite me on the arse down the line.

all I have heard from "most" of you is small minded bull**** upto now, apologies to those of you that have come back with sensible comments.

jamo

My comment was not "small-minded bull****".
Having two children of my own and two wonderful grandchildren I feel I've seen quite a big picture of the pro-creation scene. It isn't something to be taken lightly.

Could I also say : my step daughter has a beautiful little girl who will be 1 yr old in October, she is the product of just what your thread is about. She lives with her Mum and her ..... er...... other Mum. They love her to bits, the child wants for nothing, but Dad has been pushed out of the picture...... What's going to happen one day when little 'un wants to meet Dad ? What sort of stuff is going to go through her mind? I'm sorry, call me old - fashioned or whatever.... but it disturbs me to see this sort of thing. I can only see it as a ticking time bomb.
Just continue to do what you are aparrently doing now ~ that is .... thinking long and hard before doing anything.
Yve

Then talk to a lawyer or counsellor - if you don't want the smallminded bull**** why post on SN?

A child is for life....not just for lesbos

Probably find you are responsible and will have to pay CSA payments as well if they try to claim benefits at any point in the Childs life.

There was a case reported where a woman took sperm from a used condom deposited in the bin by her lover and impregnated herself and he ended up paying CSA payments. Apparently it was reported the law only considers if you are the biological father not if the man consented to how his sperm is used or how she got pregnant.

Best to let them go thru the correct procedures then this is all sorted rather than exposing yourself to a possible problem 10 years down the road.

As your donation is not for research, or an altruistic donation for anyone to use, you are going to be liable for support payments. You have no way of signing away your liability, should the CSA get invloved you've got no defense.

I think another thing to consider is that the rules can change at any time, and those changes can sometimes be retrospective.

If you plan to go ahead, I really think that you should expect that the child will find out who you are. I think you should also plan to have to meet your creation at some point in the future.

If I were the result of this product, I would definately want to find out who my father was. I would stop at no end until I achieved this. By either badgering my mums to tell me, using the power of the law, or employing the services of some detective.

Think very carefully, and I am not saying that you should not do this. You just have to not only think about what you want, and what your friends want, but also what the child may want.

Just an after thought. You may be able to sign some agreement, that in the event of any financial contribution having to be made by you, in repect of the child, that this money is paid back when recevied.

I do not think that you can protect yourself against paying it. I am almost certain that you cannot protect you against any future rules changes, but you should be able to make some sort of contract to have those monies returned.

I suspect that the only issue with this, is that if the family falls on hard times and is in receipt of benefit, they may well be unable to repay you this money.

You do need some professional advice. I would also get this advice from more than one source.

OK, forgetting the moral issues. 18 years is a long time and whatever is "signed and agreed" now would be worthless if women in question decides she wants to tell kid it's history which you don't want to happen, 18 years down the line. My keep out of it comment was not some flippant remark but I just can't see any positives from your point of view. And there could be a lot of negatives "Hey kid - your dad is xxx but he never wanted to know you". dl

go and speak to a solicitor....

With respect, I think you'll find that it's peoples legitimate opinion, it might not align with your own more liberal views but it doesn't make it wrong or any less valid.

A lot of people still find the concept of same sex relationships and same sex parenting morally abhorrant, many still think it should still be criminalised. IMO they are just as entitled to their opinion as are you are.

AFAIK, whichever way you donate the kid will be entitled to find out who dad is if he/she so wishes.

Agreed, by far the best idea. :)

cheers for the good advice. I think speaking to a solicitor is going to be the best route. my concerns are increased as its someone I know, rather than a donation of sperm through a clinic.

I have thought about this before I posted on here, I know its a forum with some weirdos and expected some colourful replies.

I dont want to be judged, as its something I am still considering.

thankyou!

jamo :)

Bear in mind too; that future changes in the law will affect you, as they have previous donors who did so anonymously (who find that theyre no longer anonymous and probably waiting for the CSA to call...).

Simon

You must be mental to ask for advice about something like that on here.

Get in there the 'old fashioned' route :norty:

You may as well do it in style... 2 sprogs, one for the each of ya :D

Yes - a very important point if you are going to try to remain anonymous as the father. The child may have a physical resemblence to you and if you are in contact will probably know you as "Uncle Shaggy" or whatever. At some point it will become obvious who the father is though gossip, rumour or simply the child working it out for themselves

You should consider the psychological welfare of the child as well as your own legal and financial responsibilities.