It's Friday, Just a few funnies for you!
 

Sorry if they are SIAL :)

...................... and today can some other fecker post a few funnies or jokes please. There only seems to be a few peeps on here that do!

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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/10...h_Decision.jpg

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She
put an ad in the local paper that
read:

HUSBAND WANTED,
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened
the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had
no arms or legs.

The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you....you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently.

"Are you still good in bed?"

With that the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, "I rang the
doorbell didn't I?"






A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly
her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some
more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You
NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are
you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know
you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What
the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple
of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I am driving with you in the car."