My neighbour from hell:advice required
 

In the early hours of Sunday morning I had a minor altercation (or so I thought) with my neighbour. A friend leaving the house had woken them from their slumbers. Nothing untoward no highbeam or horn just a diesel 4x4 starting up. Neighbour started shouting; I gave them the finger. I'm in the house by now but next thing I know a stone has hit my 1400 quids worth of garage door leaving a dent in one corner. The police were contacted. Next morning worse was to come. Just about to go out when I noticed damage (scratches, dents) to both offisde doors, that will cost at least £250 (excess) to repair. The boys in blue were contacted again to report this. Thirteen hours after first contacting them they turned up.

I know it's the neighbour because:
a) the car was parked about four feet from their fence, with damaged side of car facing
b) the gates to the drive are securely locked

And guess what we're talking about here, not some hairy-arsed, ready for a punch-up at the drop of a hat, thug, but a "sweet" little 62 year old female with an obviously uncontrollable temper. As I write four days after the incident the pigs have still not interviewed this nuckin futter.

SUGGESTIONS, REMEDIES AND ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO EXACT RETRIBUTION WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

n.b. this individual is a serial complainer and will report anything and everything and has the knack of getting the council, environmental health, fuzz, etc. to jump whenever she contacts them. She's hacked off and seriously jealous because she couldn't prevent us building a property next door to her.

Where's Shipman when you need him eh? ;) :D

I live next door to one of these t0o and we had months of grief from her when doing some work to our house. Strange thing is I got in contact with the council as her house has had so much building work done to it and it turns out she has been granted planning permission 3 times (unheard of).....

Anyway after much consideration I came to the conclusion that the only viable option is to barracade her into her house and set fire to it. Some people might think this is out of order but I consider it firm but fair...

Seen this sort of behaviour previously on telly. Only way to deal with it is to record a series of offences on film and then complain to the Police AND start a civil action for damages.

Failing that buy a knackered old Montego with a perkins diesel for those early morning trips to the supermarket :)

From a recent thread... Buy chickens and keep a rooster.

You goddamn sick freak!!








...it's very funny though :D ;)

Remember not to set off really loud fireworks at random hours without warning your neighbor first or this may be too much of a shock for the frail old battlea..... err lady ,blah blah blah

but seriously though the only thing that has any hope of working is to go round with flowers and chocolates whilst crying(...wheres the onions...) and apologise for bieng such an inconsiderate neighbor etc and hope to 'break' her [as a torturer would 'break' a spy under torture],if this doesn't work, well ...cheer up it's soon November :D

Wait for the first frosty morning and put loads of water on her drive. If you're lucky she'll fall on the ice, break a hip and be out of action for months.

Quality JMK i like that one.

Fook that man, damaging somebodys car is not on, i would smash every fooking window in the place at 4:oo am in the morning (when she is sound asleep) and then come out asking what the fook happened and that you chased 2 hairy ars#d scumbags away.

Play the hero whilst secretly laughing your bits off.

Zippy

Sensibly, the only way - but you'll not be able to do anything about stuff not recorded or has already happened.

Other ways - go down the local (or some other dodgy pub) and make a point of telling them, your neighbour keeps large amounts of money in her house - hopefully they'll go round and trash her place.

The funniest one liner i've heard in ages:)

you need to do something sly or she'll keep damaging your stuff!

try a seance see what harold would do "heroin in her milk bottle's then replace the lid" lol:norty:

i like the ice idea:norty:

just spurted beer all over the PC!!!! LOL!!!!:D

Brilliant. Sick, but BRILLIANT!!! :D

Dan

What's blue and f*cks old people???




Hypothermia!!!! :D :eek:

nitromorse

asuming she has transport

worked for me and i never ever had any more problems

Superglue on her door handle/broomstick or whatever mode of transport.

Get the video ready for the revenge attack.

Some belting ideas there for you fella!!!!!!!!

Or invite your scooby mates for a Sunday outing starting from your place,at 4am every sunday for the next few weeks.Should rattle her windows a bit!!!And her feckin teeth!!

:D:

Wrap a dog turd in paper and set it on fire on her door step Ring the bell stand back and snigger as she stamps out the flames

Grant

Is that a drag racing Mk2 Jag? ;)

Chapter 1 verse 1
Do unto them as they HAVE DONE unto you


but don't let them see u doing it :D:D:D

"A friend leaving the house had woken them from their slumbers. Nothing untoward no highbeam or horn just a diesel 4x4 starting up. Neighbour started shouting; I gave them the finger"

so yur mate pissed her off...she shouted...you gave her the finger.

why give the finger? how did it help? daft idea of yours!

Get it sorted, make it up to her but what ever you do don't let it escalate and get out of hand.
By law you have to declare any grievances with neighbours to a prospective buyer of your house, if you don't and they have the same problem with her YOU will be liable.
It's not worth the risk, so open wide and try not to choke as you swallow your humble pie!

What you need is one of these:

http://www.mark.kwiatkowski.dsl.pipex.com/Type30.jpg

Fire one of these off in the back garden and she'll think WWIII has started.

as above.....there is NOTHING worse than bad neighbours........i would give the finger to my lovley granny before a nasty neighbour!

shag her ass dry while chanting "you wont do that again" ?

:rolleyes:

right. then she'd be doing it every single day.

:rolleyes:

lmao

16V, Can you clarify please. Are you suggesting that the Group Captain $hags her while her ass is dry or $hags her until her ass is dry? :)

Don't want him to get it badly wrong. :)

BTW, should he not be shouting "you won't be doing that again, BABE!" :D

I have an old air raid siren that would see her scrambling under her kitchen table with flashbacks to the Blitz, a few loud fireworks will finish the job off and you could just accidentally forget to sound the all clear....

Going to be a bit respectful here........what on earth were you doing sticking your finger up at a lady of that age!!!!!!! You should just have apologised and gone in............










Failing that, do what someone done to my sister (reason still unknown to us and why:confused:)
Put maggots through the letter box :eek:

Can you get some Anti-social behaviour order whacked on her? Plod are keen enough to do it on chavs with burberry baseball caps - I bet she's got a burberry double-slipper. :D

Smear all her door handles in dog sh!t.