135 Things needed to be the perfect man!
 

Rachel's "Perfect Guy" Qualities List


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Rachel is a real girl. The list was taken from her website. Rachel is a typical American woman. Keep in mind that she expects everything on the list simply because she has vagina.
5'8” and taller
Dark brown hair with brown eyes/blue eyes
Handsome
Muscular
Weight depending on height – not skinny, not fat
Good sense of humor
Dimples
Cute laugh
Sensitive
*Affectionate* in front of friends
Gives me lots of attention
Outgoing
Popular but doesn't know the whole state
Friends with my friends
Nice smile
Straight teeth
No facial or body hair (except legs n under arms)
Pierced ear(s) if any
Not too many tattoos if any
Likes to cuddle
Likes to party
Takes me out
Grabs my hand to hold
Kisses me unexpectedly
Dresses nice (*ABERCROMBIE*) hehe
Has a good job
Tells me he misses me when we're not together
Makes me laugh
Open minded
Polite
Holds doors for me
Opens car doors
*Romantic*
Likes all type of music
Likes going to the movies
Talks to his friends about me
Looks into my eyes when just laying there on the bed
Gives massages without me having to ask
Plays with my hair
Calls me to just say hi
Tries not to argue
Apologizes for when he does wrong
Says what he's feeling
Has a car
Has a dog
Has a family that likes me
Compliments me
Is tan
Doesn't curse all the time
Wants to be with me as much as possible
Comes over unexpectedly
Wakes me up with a kiss
Same age or 3 years at the most older than me
*Trustworthy*
Patient
Likes to shop
Has good manners
Doesn't smoke
Occasionally drinks
Athletic
Is on time for dates
Calls back later when he says he will
Lives close to me
Wants to meet my family
Treats me like a princess
Has a cute butt
Good kissable lips
Good kisser
Good memory
Does special things for holidays/birthdays/anniversary/etc
Intelligent
Has direction
Creative
Likes everything about me
Committed
*My best friend*
Respectful
Mature
Persistent – Hard working
Likes walks on the beach
Likes just staying home sometimes
Writes me songs/poems
Likes to dance
Has a sexy voice
Cooks for me
Likes to show me off
Calls me or introduces me as his "girlfriend" not "Rachel"
Likes to take pictures
Flirts with me in public and in private
Puts up with my mood swings
Comforts me when I'm sad
Doesn't say “sorry” all the time when it's not needed
Sticks up for me
Likes animals
Sends me flowers for no reason
Ignores my imperfections
Surprises me (good surprises)
Doesn't ever yell at me
Likes picnics
Likes to clean
First to say I Love You
Listens to me
Smells good
*Doesn't lie*
Likes kids
Makes me the center of his world
Not in trouble with the law
Isn't a goody-goody
Doesn't stare at other girls
Doesn't talk to other girls more than me
Doodles our names on paper
Likes to draw
Leaves notes on my car
Let's me go out with him and his friends
Will hang out with me and my friends
Puts pictures of me in his car and wallet
Gets jealous but not too jealous
Dependable
Doesn't hang up on me
Calls me babe, sweetie, etc
Calls me cute pet names
Isn't conceited
Isn't a penny-pincher
Likes sports and going to sports events
Likes to play board games/video games and lets me win
Doesn't play mind games
Doesn't just think about sex
Cares about world issues
Doesn't make me cry
Leaves sweet voicemails/text messages on my phone
Isn't shy
Has hopes, dreams, and wishes
Not opinionated
Will watch chick flicks even if he doesn't like them
Can spell

What with this and the other thread about marriage I am going to be forever single!

I think £500/night call girls might be the answer - probably cheaper in the long run.

if any ears? :confused:

But then how will she b!tch about him?

:D

This came off the Nomarriage.com website. quite interesting if true. a piece on there about a blood tests in a British village which showed 30% of the children were not fathered by the man claiming to be the Father and paying for there upbringing! apparently the average in some area's is 25%. makes you want a DNA test if you have a child before paying out all that money!

LOL what like Boris Becker did with a child that was the spitting image of him?? LMAO:D

Surely you'd notice if you were going out with/married to the village bike?:confused:

Yeah, in the Outer Hebrides probably.

Guys perfect list

Big tits
Nice arse
Doesn't moan when you wanna have a beer and go out with the boys

She's not asking for much, is she :rolleyes:

I've seen lists, though not as comprehensive as this on dating sites, and fair enough, you're looking for something specific, but to say they MUST meet all these requirements, that's a little silly.

fcuk. I have every thing but "clean" I like it really diiiiiirty :D

Not much wrong with her list?
I would get rid of the dog line and change the height bit to that he should be taller than 5ft11.

Shame the person doesn't exist.

My next task is to tick off the lines that match my other half then give him the list to work on the rest...lol

Looks to me like shes after a gay bloke :-s

She *thinks* she wants this type of bloke, all caring and sensitive, but I'm sure she'd bore of him rather quickly and want the bastid that most girls seem to go for.

I think one my mates would consider that list short. He once dumped a lass 'cos she had purple nail varnish on...

:eek:

you have got to be kidding?

Appropriate?


Quoted from Maddox (maddox.xmission.com)
Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do,
and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.

Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.

I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that **** makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.

6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?

7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bull****. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.

11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to **** like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.

12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.

13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.

14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bull**** like fashion trends."

I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.

People have sent me chain mail and have subsequently received beatings.

No facial or body hair (except legs n under arms)

No way am I shaving my pubes! (Unless she shaves hers:norty: )

lol Nicci-my other half meets 2 of the criteria, tall with dark hair. Bu99er working on the rest of the list, i can't work miracles:eek:
:D

Surely it's


1) A pulse.
2) No, there isn't anything else...


M

LOL - nail on the head! :D

Nah, that's still too fussy...

pmsl @ Jerome. I think I must be very fussy then! lol.

Oi! You forgot "Says what he's feeling" :p

angrynorth excellant reply.

why would she want a person this perfect what could she nag him about?

You're not French are you?


M

What women *actually* want is a project. They want to turn you from being the lazy, self-centred, beer drinking, crotch scratching, hairy-assed ******* that you are into something resembling the list above. And when you do resemble the list above, she'll leave you for your best-mate because he's more interesting than you.

Dream on missy...I bet she's an ugly cow!!!

Is she the female equivalent then!!! I think not.

Non!

Where do i leave my number:D