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Stolen from the excellent Mr.Beef's suprachat mailing list - what u gonna do about it Beef?

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven
trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St. Peter asks first nun,
"Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" She giggles
and slyly replies, "Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my
finger."St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water
and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next nun the same question,
"Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The nun is a
little reluctant but replies"Well once I fondled and stroked one." St.
Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the
gate." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one
nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front
of the line St. Peter says "Sister,Sister! What seems to be the rush?" The
nun replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to go
before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!!"

Chuck

As we're on the subject of nuns......

Two Nuns are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvannia, and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly,
Dracula jumps onto the bonnet of the car and hisses through the window.
"Quick, quick !!", shouts the first Nun, "what shall I do ?"
"Turn the windscreen wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination", says the second.
So she switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses again at the Nuns.
"Quick, quick !!", shouts the first Nun, "What shall I do ?"
"Switch on the windscreen washers, for I filled them up with Holy Water in the Vatican", says the second. Dracula steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the Nuns.
"Quick, quick !!", shouts the first Nun, "What shall I do ?"
"Show him your cross", says the second.
So she winds the window down and shouts :

"GET OFF MY F*****G BONNET !!"

Yex

Heard it before but the "show him your cross" still cracks me up.

http://bbs.scoobynet.co.uk/biggrin.gif

Two nuns riding bicycles on a cobblestone road.
1st nun "I've never come this way before"
2nd nun "Mmmmm"

On arrival at the nunnery they go the shower
room, undress and start bathing.
1st nun "Where's the soap"
2nd nun "Mmmmm"