Sibling Jealousy
21 December 2006, 02:31 PM
#1
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Sibling Jealousy
Seem to have a problem with the eldest and some (or a lot) of sibling jealousy
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
21 December 2006, 02:35 PM
#2
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Forgot to add we made a chart the other night with a list of all the bad points (above) and a complimentary equal list of good points
We have placed an X in each of the Bad Points, and she now has to earn the Good Points
But she thinks its great she has got a chart of bad points, even knowing that for each extra bad point, she gets one xmas present less
and she removed the chart got a chair and put it up on the wall like she is proud
one of the last things I said to her, was I asked her did she know what an ASBO is, and to ask her teacher what one is, and then explain why I got her to ask
We seemingly sometimes cant get through to her, her karate teacher had a few words with her, and she just kept changing the subject or looking away
We have placed an X in each of the Bad Points, and she now has to earn the Good Points
But she thinks its great she has got a chart of bad points, even knowing that for each extra bad point, she gets one xmas present less
and she removed the chart got a chair and put it up on the wall like she is proud
one of the last things I said to her, was I asked her did she know what an ASBO is, and to ask her teacher what one is, and then explain why I got her to ask
We seemingly sometimes cant get through to her, her karate teacher had a few words with her, and she just kept changing the subject or looking away
21 December 2006, 02:38 PM
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Sounds like she does it for attention no matter what form it comes in. I bet she doesn't get half the attention at school if she ever acts in this manor.
21 December 2006, 02:41 PM
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sometimes I do ignore it, as we know a lot of it is for attention, its when it starts to get out of hand I intervene, and start with the consequences, but not without lots of warning to give her the chance
Sometimes it just comes out of the blue, like they had a choice of which pantomime they went to this year (by the local club, not our choice) she chose one 1st, and when we told her they couldnt get tickets for that one she really really kicked off, because it meant she had to go to the one her brother chose
Sometimes it just comes out of the blue, like they had a choice of which pantomime they went to this year (by the local club, not our choice) she chose one 1st, and when we told her they couldnt get tickets for that one she really really kicked off, because it meant she had to go to the one her brother chose
21 December 2006, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by STi wanna Subaru
Oh and a good hard slap to the back of the legs sounds a good idea when she's naughty to me.
21 December 2006, 02:42 PM
#7
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Originally Posted by STi wanna Subaru
Oh and a good hard slap to the back of the legs sounds a good idea when she's naughty to me.
tends to make her worse towards me then
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21 December 2006, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Seem to have a problem with the eldest and some (or a lot) of sibling jealousy
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
All I can say is that you won't be alone in this. All m cousins used to fight each other, seemingly all the time.
Does sound like classic attention seeking behaviour.
Does she feel that her siblings get more attention?
And how is she with the dogs?
21 December 2006, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Ive threatened to take her back to school, and get her to tell her teacher how she behaves
tends to make her worse towards me then
tends to make her worse towards me then
Smack her harder
if need be take your belt off. I always behaved for a few weeks after I had a session with the leather belt 
21 December 2006, 02:48 PM
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She sounds very frustrated at having to share your attention with two siblings, at that age she won't know why she is frustrated hence all the 'Don't know' responses.
Is it possible to reward her good behaviour with a special day just for her? - let her choose an activity where she spends time with Mum or Dad but with the other two children not present, let her make the choices where to go and what to eat etc and the whole time give positive attention along the lines of 'Isn't this a lovely day', 'Aren't we having fun together'.
Relate it to the behaviour chart so she has something to aim for ie 'When you have thirty stars we can do this again' rather than focusing on the negative points on the chart which result in loss of presents, toys etc.
Is it possible to reward her good behaviour with a special day just for her? - let her choose an activity where she spends time with Mum or Dad but with the other two children not present, let her make the choices where to go and what to eat etc and the whole time give positive attention along the lines of 'Isn't this a lovely day', 'Aren't we having fun together'.
Relate it to the behaviour chart so she has something to aim for ie 'When you have thirty stars we can do this again' rather than focusing on the negative points on the chart which result in loss of presents, toys etc.
21 December 2006, 02:49 PM
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Its called attention seeking me old fruity!!! Best thing to do is the old consequece of action type thingy, when good plenty of praise, when bad remove from room, stick in room on thier own for a short period of time, no engaging in arguements about it with her, just stick her in her room until she learns that you wont accept it! My daughter has a naughty step on the stairs, when she plays up out she goes until she comes in with an apology, its hard to keep it up as it takes a while but it worked for us. Too much watching 'little angels' I think
21 December 2006, 02:52 PM
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No expert in this, but I would say you have a classic case of 'eldest child syndrome' (just my name for it). Like it or not you 'expect more' from the eldest and treat them very slightly differently (any parent does) and it is very easy for the child to feel second best or that her brothers/sisters are gettig an easier time of it, more attention etc. Remember she was once the 'only child' and that can have an influence when brothers/sisters arrive.
I think a potential solution would be over time to make the eldest realise she has a special place in the family and she must look out for her brother/sister and as a reward you should find something special to do on your own with her that her brother and sister don't do, make her feel special.
I am sure you treat them all perfectly well, but a kid's perception of things can be very different to their parents.
Just my 2 euros worth and hope you can work it out.
I think a potential solution would be over time to make the eldest realise she has a special place in the family and she must look out for her brother/sister and as a reward you should find something special to do on your own with her that her brother and sister don't do, make her feel special.
I am sure you treat them all perfectly well, but a kid's perception of things can be very different to their parents.
Just my 2 euros worth and hope you can work it out.
21 December 2006, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Matteeboy
How about the famous Supernanny naughty spot?!
My oldest (7) was going through a wee bad patch a few months ago & his mother was letting him watch that drivel.... so he ended up doing something bad (not smashing windows this time), tbh i cant mind what it was so i asked him what he wanted me to do with him.
He answers "I think i need supernanny", at that point i hit the roof told him that supernanny was a waste of space & that i am worse than supernanny.
Took his playstation off him & when he was at mines he wasnt allowed to play the xbox for a week. It worked & he seems to be only having problems when on the school bus but i would say that he just doesnt like the attendant on it & probably likewise.
Different things work with different kids. I tried the threats of a hiding & then maybe a little skelp on his backside but they dont work, they just made me feel bad.
Sonic, she resents you for some reason .... try & spend a little more time with her & see if she reacts any different.
Good luck
21 December 2006, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by *Sonic*
, so we pretending to text Santa
As to the serious bit,ours are only 15 months so I am dreading the future but hoping my stern father routine will work if they do play up like this.No giving in to tears etc
Good luck.
21 December 2006, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by ///\oo/\\\
This is one of the reasons I don't have kids.
All I can say is that you won't be alone in this. All m cousins used to fight each other, seemingly all the time.
Does sound like classic attention seeking behaviour.
Does she feel that her siblings get more attention?
And how is she with the dogs?
All I can say is that you won't be alone in this. All m cousins used to fight each other, seemingly all the time.
Does sound like classic attention seeking behaviour.
Does she feel that her siblings get more attention?
And how is she with the dogs?
If they get things that she doesnt, it sometimes feels like world war 3 is about to start
Not too sure with the dogs, as they spend most of their time in the conservatory, mainly for their own safety
Me and my Brother would fight when we were younger but not to this degree
21 December 2006, 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Matteeboy
How about the famous Supernanny naughty spot?!
21 December 2006, 03:07 PM
#18
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Originally Posted by davegtt
You sound like she has more respect for her teacher than she has for you if Im honest.
Smack her harder if need be take your belt off. I always behaved for a few weeks after I had a session with the leather belt
Smack her harder
if need be take your belt off. I always behaved for a few weeks after I had a session with the leather belt Smacking her doesnt work, I used to get the odd smack when I was a kid, and it worked too, we even found out if we pretended to cry the smacking would stop sooner
until my mum heard us saying that one day, and smacked us with her leather soled slippers quite a lot harder than normal
21 December 2006, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Lydia72
She sounds very frustrated at having to share your attention with two siblings, at that age she won't know why she is frustrated hence all the 'Don't know' responses.
Is it possible to reward her good behaviour with a special day just for her? - let her choose an activity where she spends time with Mum or Dad but with the other two children not present, let her make the choices where to go and what to eat etc and the whole time give positive attention along the lines of 'Isn't this a lovely day', 'Aren't we having fun together'.
Relate it to the behaviour chart so she has something to aim for ie 'When you have thirty stars we can do this again' rather than focusing on the negative points on the chart which result in loss of presents, toys etc.
Is it possible to reward her good behaviour with a special day just for her? - let her choose an activity where she spends time with Mum or Dad but with the other two children not present, let her make the choices where to go and what to eat etc and the whole time give positive attention along the lines of 'Isn't this a lovely day', 'Aren't we having fun together'.
Relate it to the behaviour chart so she has something to aim for ie 'When you have thirty stars we can do this again' rather than focusing on the negative points on the chart which result in loss of presents, toys etc.
and she has just got her first grading in Karate, and got her license, and also got her license for Rugby too
So two things she does every week that the other two dont do, she doesnt always appreciate it
Last week she got her grading, she wanted me to buy her a drink from the garage 200 yards from the house, I told her no, as I had already spent enough on her grading and License, and she could have a drink when she got in, so she then had a right ****ty on her
21 December 2006, 03:27 PM
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Her latest this moring, about the chart, was that what if all the crosses for the bad things meant she got preasents, yet all the ticks for the good things mean the other two won't have presents, she wants it reversed to suit her so that she gets everything.
She is extremely competitive.
She wants everything her way or not at all. She always makes the youngest cry just because she is more often than not a little angel, she has her moments like all children, but she knows when she's done wrong.
I don't appreciate the comments about slapping or belts - they had enough violence when they were younger through their real dad, so I don't want to put them through that, it affected them badly, hitting them is not the way to solve things.
She probably des want more attention, the lad has an ASD so is very demanding and takes up a lot of time and attention, but he has more needs. The youngest gets attention, but she's quiet so unless she comes to you, you don't always notice her LOL She gets the praise for behaving and no attention for being bad, so we don't understand why the eldest is so nasty, vindictive, sly and jealous!
She has to go on the stairs for time out, they all do when needed. It works with the other two, but she tends to hold a grudge and blame you for it, rather than reflect on her actions and why she ended up being punished in the first place
If she's not the centre of attention, she's not happy. It's all me me me with her always.
I am so proud of her when she makes any progress in anything, she has a good head on her shoulders and does well in school, I always make sure she gets praised for anything she does well, but she turns it the other way telling me I am just saying it and don't mean it and that she's rubbish at everything etc. It seems to be a lack of confidence and self esteem in my eyes. I want it sorting because she's suffering in the long run. There is really no need for her to be the way she is. We love her just as much as the other two. I'm thinking along the lines of child psychologist.....
She is extremely competitive.
She wants everything her way or not at all. She always makes the youngest cry just because she is more often than not a little angel, she has her moments like all children, but she knows when she's done wrong.
I don't appreciate the comments about slapping or belts - they had enough violence when they were younger through their real dad, so I don't want to put them through that, it affected them badly, hitting them is not the way to solve things.
She probably des want more attention, the lad has an ASD so is very demanding and takes up a lot of time and attention, but he has more needs. The youngest gets attention, but she's quiet so unless she comes to you, you don't always notice her LOL
She gets the praise for behaving and no attention for being bad, so we don't understand why the eldest is so nasty, vindictive, sly and jealous!She has to go on the stairs for time out, they all do when needed. It works with the other two, but she tends to hold a grudge and blame you for it, rather than reflect on her actions and why she ended up being punished in the first place
If she's not the centre of attention, she's not happy. It's all me me me with her always.
I am so proud of her when she makes any progress in anything, she has a good head on her shoulders and does well in school, I always make sure she gets praised for anything she does well, but she turns it the other way telling me I am just saying it and don't mean it and that she's rubbish at everything etc. It seems to be a lack of confidence and self esteem in my eyes. I want it sorting because she's suffering in the long run. There is really no need for her to be the way she is. We love her just as much as the other two. I'm thinking along the lines of child psychologist.....
21 December 2006, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Seem to have a problem with the eldest and some (or a lot) of sibling jealousy
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
The eldest (6 yrs old) knows she shouldn't do things to her brother (4)& sister(3), but frequently does, like hitting them, calling them names, being very spiteful and generally nasty to them
This usually occurs when she doesnt get her own way, this could be anything from where she wants to sit for breakfast or what bowl she has or even what spoon or cereal type she has
to other jealousy type things like this morning it was the youngests school xmas party (the eldest had hers the other day) so she started being really nasty to the youngest calling her names etc etc
On Monday evening she gave the little lad a chinese burn I think because he was eating his tea quicker than she was, so she had to forfeit her karate xmas party, and she then preceded to become quite nasty to me because I punished her, so I decided to have a chat with her
I asked her does she like being nasty, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like being cheeky, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like hurting her siblings, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like telling lies, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like swearing, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like to demand things, she said 'I dont know'
I aksed her does she like stealing things, she said 'I dont know'
I asked her does she like bullying, she said 'I dont know'
I asked does she do all of the above in school and she told me no, that she doesnt, so I asked her why she is like that at home and not like that in school, and she couldnt explain
I told her that Santa will cross her off his list, and that for everytime she does any of the above, one present will be removed, but if she does any on the list of nice things, then she will get a present returned
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
Asking her what she would do on xmas day if she continues her behaviour, and has no presents, she replied 'Ill just open everyone elses presents and have them instead'
Now, she can be really loving, and a great kid, with lots of potential, but she can be downright nasty borderline evil, and vindictive when she doesnt get her own way, or she seemingly misses out on something
She tries to correct me a hell of a lot, and in essence calls me a liar (like this morning she was adamant that the youngests' party was at 12 o clock, but in fact it was around 10-10.30 the party, but no I am constantly wrong in these situations, even if I have to physically prove that I am right
We dont know why she does it, and she does know that by her being nasty etc means she gets to miss out or that her actions result in consequences, which largely tend to amplify her actions further
When she is told not to do something (ie spinning the other two around) that can be dangerous (she broke the little lads nose doing this a year or so ago in the middle of ikea) she will do it all the more
If she catches me watching them, she will turn the tables and start saying dont make me do that, or leave me alone (to her siblings, so that they will get the blame)
If I catch her doing things she shouldnt, she always says it was someone elses idea
Not sure how to deal with this, its their final xmas party this evening, and she has been warned and warned that she needs to behave, be nice, and be good, otherwise she will not be going, only her brother will be, yet despite being told this, and depsite knowing she wont be able to go if she continues, she has been nothing but nasty again since
Like I say tho, she can be really loving, funny, and a great kid with lots of potential, but she does tend to ruin it when she gets like this
On the Plus side, you'll be a Grandparent in 7 years time
21 December 2006, 03:39 PM
#24
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Thread Starter
Originally Posted by D.K.1
Don't want a chav in this family 
Already got one chav in the family what with your hoop earings
21 December 2006, 06:30 PM
#26
We have one of those in our family, she has mellowed as she has got older but is still a precocious little bugger, hopefully life and its dissapointments will grind it out of her (and her Pony).
21 December 2006, 06:57 PM
#27
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Sounds like a typical female to me
Seriously though I sort of know what you are going through, my youngest has recently turned 2 and there is no successful way of disciplining him, he is immune to any type of telling off but being the age he is you can't reason with him in any way as he is too young to understand. He has got the terrible twos with a vengeance at the moment
Seriously though I sort of know what you are going through, my youngest has recently turned 2 and there is no successful way of disciplining him, he is immune to any type of telling off but being the age he is you can't reason with him in any way as he is too young to understand. He has got the terrible twos with a vengeance at the moment
21 December 2006, 08:02 PM
#29
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Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Seem to have a problem with the eldest and some (or a lot) of sibling jealousy
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
She screamed NO at me saying she wants her presents, and that she wants everyones presents, and Santa is stupid, and she hates him, so we pretending to text Santa to say she hadnt been nice, and she burst into tears
..Texting Santa ..., how times have changed eh!!
21 December 2006, 09:03 PM
#30
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we send him emails too and we have elves peeping from behind the curtains and behind picture frames all reporting back to Father Christmas too Makes me laugh when they believe it as gospel too
