KimA

This was sent to me by a man, so some of you have a sense of humour

Coffee - The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.

Commercials - You can't believe a word they say.

Computers - Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Coolers - Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Copiers - You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are.

Bank Accounts - Without a lot of money, they don't generate interest

Bike helmets - Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.

Snowstorms - You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.

Used Cars - Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.

Vacations - They never seem to be long enough.

Government bonds - They take so long to mature.

High heels - They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Horoscopes - They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Weather - Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Blenders - You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Cement - After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Curling irons - They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Lawn Mowers - If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

Lava lamps - Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Mini skirts - If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Noodles - They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Parking spots - The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.

Plungers - They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Placemats - They only show up when there's food on the table.

Leighton Buzzard Boy

On the other hand;

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
> > >
> > > love her
> > > adore her
> > > care for her
> > > caress her
> > > nurture her
> > > spoil her
> > > hug her
> > > listen to her
> > > be there for her
> > > kiss her
> > > spend time with her
> > > buy gifts for her
> > > bring flowers
> > > go shopping with her
> > > see her favourite movie
> > > listen to her favourite music
> > > buy her favourite perfume
> > > be kind to her
> > > be devoted to her
> > > show your passion for her
> > > go to the ends of the earth for her
> > >
> > >
> > > HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
> > >
> > > show up naked
> > > bring food
drive a scoob!

Subie Gal

*snicker*

Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

Why do men like masturbation?
Its sex with someone they love.

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train

shall i continue????
hehehehehe

[This message has been edited by Subie Gal (edited 03 November 2000).]

Geezer

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Subie Gal:
<B>*snicker*


Why do men like masturbation?
Its sex with someone they love.

[/quote]

No, it's because you don't have to sweet talk your hand into it, you can go to sleep straight away, and you don't have to spend half an hour warming it up first!

Geezer

Oh, and your hand nevers turns you down