Scruff

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, Long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey
conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15
minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and
water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of
small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots.
Attack with nails/tweezers(if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom
to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake **** at her while shouting Way Hey!!

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of **** in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth ? don't need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash ****, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

**** in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of **** again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on
floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab ****, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

Bet your all worried where I've hidden the cameras aren,t you.