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A Chrsitmas joke (tho not about Christmas!)

Old 24 December 2009, 03:23 PM
Nurse Gladys
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Smile A Chrsitmas joke (tho not about Christmas!)

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the tax office.

The Tax Inspector was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his solicitor.

The inspector said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The inspector thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye.'

The inspector thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The inspector's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye..'

Now the inspector can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his false teeth and bites his good eye. The stunned inspector now realises he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The inspector, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the inspectorr's desk.

The inspectorr leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the tax inspector asks.

'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with the Old!
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Old 24 December 2009, 06:33 PM
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I got a xmas joke.

The bloody bin men didnt collect today because of health and safety due to the snow and ice, now thats a joke haha, But I was there in the ice skating along in cold norton in me wellies lol.
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