Keep em coming, chuffin brilliant.

 

Storytellers Ive worked with over the years :

- One guy repeatedly claimed that he swapped from a Porsche 911 to a diesel Mercedes E class estate because it had "better handling and a better torque curve on the dyno" ???

- Another bloke has a Honda Fireblade at home (that he only rides on weekends - hence nobody has seen it). The story is that it is an "ex moto gp team bike". Apparently it won the 500cc class by absolutely miles.....

- and finally another guy went on an adventure holiday to Antarctica and protected his fellow travellers from a polar bear attack by distracting the animal so the others could escape. Everyone was stunned by this....but not as stunned as he was when I pointed out to the assembled group that polar bears only live in the Arctic. Every so often somebody will walk past his desk going "GGGGRRRrrrrrrrrr"........he hasnt spoken to me for over 2 years

 

75BHP in a 1360cc pug 309 is quick anyway

Tony

 

I love blatantly stupid stories like that did anyone point out the Blade is a 900cc and its Superbike class not MotoGP

 

Davey, I'm no bike expert, but I thought it sounded odd at the time. I remember going back to my desk and looking up a Fireblade on the Honda site and seeing it was about 1000cc or something. No wonder his bike won the 500cc class by miles....surprised that Suzuki or Kawasaki didnt spot this on the start line though, how thick are they

 

A guy I knew had an orannge B reg 316 BMW with a ripped passenger seat. He told us all he was selling it and getting a 325 in red. A few weeks went by and we didnt see him and then he arrived in a red de badged BMW.
It had a full on body kit, massive alloy wheels, a sewn on patch on the passenger seat and the same reg plate as his old car. Rather than admit to just paying a car chavver to chav up his mancy beemer, he swore for months it was not the same car
The same lad used to tell us he earned twice what the rest of us were earning, forgetting that I worked for the bank he banked with., I had no qualms telling all that he actually earned 30% less than all of us
The final straw was when he blagged that his dying grandma needed him bedside when we were having a BBQ at his house and he was paranoid about potential damage (parents were abroad).
Turned out the nursing home phone call was actually his mate asking him to join him on a night out... We'd done 1471 before leaving his house...
A month or so later, after we challenged him in a semi violent fashion over his lies, this happened to my mates house:
Residents evacuated after suspicious package dumped
My mate had moved out a week or so before and it was the new residents who experienced this little trick...
7 years later, we have never spoken or heard from him... We dont know if he was responsible for the "bomb" as we never followed it up...
Silly sausage!

 

I have only ever experienced this once.
We were having a rear window replaced on the 'family' astra. The guy seemed ok at first, then he saw my scooby.
He then started to spout such dribble I couldn't be bothered to reply.
'Yea, I have an evo with 600bhp.' Hmm, a bit unlikely, but believable none the less.
It has a £10000 paint job and if it starts to rain when he's out driving it, he immediately pulls over, covers the car up and calls his mate with a flatbed to take it back home.' Really?

'Oh, and it has two exhausts, one for the engine and one for the nitrous!' Right mate, cup of tea?

The best bit was, he didn't know I was an engineer, but I played dumb anyway!

 

He'd need a third exhaust for that presumably!

 

A collegue at work who is part time and on abot 9k a year has apparently just sold his house for 500k he also owns a ferrari and 2 ducati's oh yes hes taking delivery of a brand new vxr next week too and is also best mates with mike tyson it makes me smile when he arrives at work on a crappy old mountian bike.Think im gonna tell him to **** off next time he spouts ****e like that again

 

Why do people do it though? A bit like charlie from this year BB! The amount of crap that came out of her mouth was incredible!

 

I have met many compulsive liars in my time. The best ones are the lies your mate tells your other mates about times you were actually there. My brother once came off the road in his xr3i at about 100mph with me and my mate in the car. It was pretty dodgy but we all escaped injury. My mate told our friends that we had flipped and rolled about 3 times!!! What a nugget

 

This is such a good thread.

I too share an Office with a bloke who could bullsh1te for England.
Some of the stories he comes out with are unreal.

Some of the one's I remember to hand are:

He buys £300 bottles of Whiskey for himself.
Spent £750 on Whiskey on his Honeymoon
Has Mountain Bikes (hand built) and cost more than his 2 cars.
4 HiFi's in his house (worth Thousands each)

Others are just stupid things. Someone in the office mentioned having Scayalectric (spell check) in his loft. Laddo then chirps up. He has enough Scayalectric to fill the entire building.

My Old man bought several cases of nice Wine a few months ago and had it delivered to the office. This then starts Laddo off, saying that he buys loads of Wine, and just the other day counted how many he had. 72 bottles. He then realised that they were 3 deep.

He never listens to anyone else either. Try telling him a story, and he'll just cut you out and start talking Bollox.

Everyone he knows is rich. One mate has a Ferrari. Another has a Porsche, and another has a Lambo.

The guy's 38 too. You'd think at that age he'd know better.

 

A little bit of an SAS theme going on too, why not lie about being in a corps thats actually believable, and not even realising that people who have served with the SAS, SBS etc are sworn to secrecy so you would never know until you shagged his missus and he snapped your neck.

 

SAS as in Stores and Supplies, Saturday's and Sunday's or Scandinavian Air Service more like! or maybe he was a busboy in the SAS Plaza hotel in Hamburg

 

bit slow aren't you? that site hasn't been up for quite some time now and it was created to take the rise out of some Billy Bull$hitter who thought his standard WRX was the quickest thing on the road...

 

Forgot to mention my 'mate' who was in the SAS (australian regiments) was only about 16 at the start of the of australian involvement in vietnam

I also happen to live near the SBS maritime support base in Dorset (not a tall tale either )

 

I have been on exercise with the SBS, no tall tail either, we played hostages on the Sir Tristram in the Med back in 90/91 can't remember, and they had to deploy from choppers swim or paddle about a mile to our ship, (which had slowed down to almost a crawl!) climb up the side using magnetic boots or summat and storm the ship to rescue us. Then they were picked up by a chinook landing on the front of the ship betwen the bridge and the cranes whilst the ship was still moving!!!

 

scoobynet thread of the year award 2007

 

Not long ago, I worked with a lad. Not a bad lad but the hardest bloke you would ever meet (you know the sort) was in the parras been with special forces in the Falklands....blah......blah....Said he was the soldier you see with the Union Jack hanging from the ariel on his radio pack when ever you see anything to do with the Falklands.

A few weeks later they actually interviewed the bloke with the Union Jack hanging from the ariel on his radio pack.......and guess what.....The paper got it wrong......

 

I had a mk5 escort 1.3LX at the time so i dont think so, we were in the army at the time serving in germany, he also claimed to have been posted to some special forces regiment even though we had been through basic training together and had been posted to the same units. Funny he never claimed that when i was around, everyone he ever met hated him, i felt abit sorry for him and watched his back even though he bugged the **** out of me too.

 

I have a mate who's cousin "was a hell's angel in Reading and carried an axe in his pannier." No, no, no, no! His cousin from Reading is geekier than "Revenge of the nerds", skinnier and more puny than the average grass snake and likes posing people for photos everywhere he goes.

Strangely this mate does very well in pulling women and ********.

Whilst I doubt that any woman with a brain cell or two that isn't pickled will not fall for utter bolox, the lier in question will likely be able to keep a straight face whilst hunting for common ground.

Anyone remember "True Lies"?

J.

 

During a recent first aid course Jackonory John was the only one out of a group of ten who had done CPR and saved someones life ( commendable I thought ). the trainer then asked the group who had broken what and you ll never guess this lad had broken damn near everything through rock climbin. If i was that cr@p at it and kept falling off stuff id give up. He started on something else and my ear went to sleep

 

We had a guy at work once who had been there, done it and wrote the book, in fact he even told us he used to be bait for the sas to try and find him on training exercises, you can tell he was full of crap, he was the cleaner lol !!!!! maybe this guy with the magic screw is too, ha ha

 

Yeah I used to tell a tall tale... when I was about 4 years old! There are some seriously demented people out there.

We have got a call/sales centre in my office and pretty much everyone in there should be locked up in a zoo - they all have some tall story to tell when any one of us (IT geeks) goes up there... hence why I try to avoid them by a mile.

I am pretty sure you could make a best selling comedy book if you wrote all these stories down :P

 

It would be the photo in the falklands was the marines and it was me

 

we had a weirdo at school (secondary) who threw a paper plane out of his bedroom window, which landed on his garage below.

he then phoned up 999 and said a light aircraft had landed on his roof.

he was removed from school shortly after.

i also had a good friend who used to work with his dad on the milk rounds when at school.
He told me his dad used to let him drive the "float
I said, well its not as if they are fast or anything....?

He replied..
People dont realise but theres an extra lever on ths side which can get you up to 60, for motorway driving!!!!

both funny, and harmless!!!

 

Brilliant! reminds me of someone on here's signature.

"Never argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level then beat you with experience"

 

Try 210hp, my old one kicked that out till the bitch crossed me on the wrong day bless.

fantastic cars nonetheless.

Can't say i have anything that funny to post up, do get the odd jackanory at work from time to time.

Oh i have met the sbs back in my ta days while guarding, top bunch of fellas and built like a proverbial brick outhouse, i for one wouldn't mess with them.

 

Had the BEST conversation ever last night with some local lad..

Someone else was talking about BMW CSL's and this other guy spouted out that they have a Plywood floor pan, and I said "I think you'll find they have a boot floor made from something that is similar to fibreboard"... Anyway he then went on to explain how modern F1 cars have plywood floor pans to because it they need the stiffness (carbon fibre isnt stiff enough apparently) and also they need the weight to keep the car on the ground (the huge wings don't provide enough downforce I'm now told)..

AND THEN he went on to explain how Subaru uses a VW boxer engine and how badly balanced it is because the pistons act against each other... and to top it off he began to tell me that the only reason Impreza's burble is because they are missing two cylinders and he knows this because he used to "build" flat 6 Porsche engines... So its actually NOTHING to do with the un-equal length headers guys! I tried to explain to him that N/A scoobs don't make the same noise but he wasn't having it.

He was getting really serious with me to, calling me Thick and telling me I know nothing.. To be honest I think I upset him by laughing my **** off!

 

Any more?