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suggestions for a spiteful neighbour...

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suggestions for a spiteful neighbour...

Old 19 April 2007, 10:11 AM
  #31  
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Originally Posted by DCI Gene Hunt View Post
Deffo a case of 'I own the road outside my house'....... err no, you don't... and if Mr Bean wants to take up three spaces guess what... "He can!"

^^^he speaks the truth^^^

if you dont have your own, drive, designated parking space or carwash tarmacked site you cant really tell people to GTF


(google thinks the "tarmacked" word is right, not so sure )
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Old 19 April 2007, 10:12 AM
  #32  
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Originally Posted by Bubba po View Post
As far as I'm aware, he DOESN'T have the right in law to park outside his own house on the public road.

I don't know how that might help, but it's a common misconception.
Spot on mate, its all down to common sense and understanding between neighbours.
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Old 19 April 2007, 10:13 AM
  #33  
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next time i`m really pissed off, i`m going to try this MSPAINT stuff and see if it helps
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Old 19 April 2007, 10:15 AM
  #34  
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thermite bomb on the bonnet - works every time.

YouTube - Thermite Experiment

Last edited by BlkKnight; 19 April 2007 at 10:20 AM.
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Old 19 April 2007, 10:19 AM
  #35  
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Originally Posted by StickyMicky View Post
next time i`m really pissed off, i`m going to try this MSPAINT stuff and see if it helps
When I next phone BT I'm going to slap my chops like CoB.... you know, just to get in the right frame of mind
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Old 19 April 2007, 10:22 AM
  #36  
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Get a tin of paint, take the lid off and place a thin layer of cardboard over the top.
Turn tin upside down and place on the roof of his car
Then slowly remove the cardboard
Leaving tin upside down on his roof


Then say in doors and wait for him to come along and remove the tin from his roof,
And enjoy watching him tip paint over his own car !!!!!
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Old 19 April 2007, 11:37 AM
  #37  
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Rather than backing into his car and backing it up the street, I would suggest following him to a T junction and then nudging him into the traffic while he's waiting to cross, I did that to a mate of mine once, he was not impressed
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Old 19 April 2007, 11:41 AM
  #38  
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Recommendation: Do nothing permanently damaging. It may not only be you who has CCTV in the neighbourhood.

Passata or milk can be very smelly when it's hot, though. If matters deteriorate. Big signs and photoshopped images/leaflets advertising all manner of perverse sexual activities can easily be printed up on a modern printer.

J.
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Old 19 April 2007, 11:43 AM
  #39  
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Kill him, cut his heart out with a rusty spoon.
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Old 19 April 2007, 11:52 AM
  #40  
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dont damage his car intentionally, thats why insurance is so high. However there is something that I find personally amusing to do.

Firstly wear gloves.
Get some carpet runner (the thin wood stick with tacks on it) and have this cut to size so that it will fit under his door handle. Apply some double sided tape to the back of the runner, and then smear the tacks in excrement (if human not yours or your missus or anything from your toilet). Stick the runner to the underside of the door handle.

Point your cctv towards his car and wait. When he opens his car door he will ***** his fingers and immediately put his fingers into his mouth. He will then probably be very very sick. Make copies of the cctv and send a copy to youve been framed and the other neighbours who are cheesed off. You get 250 he gets sh!tty sore fingers and you have hours of endless entertainment watching the video over and over again. It may not stop him, but if all the neighbours start laughing at him he will get proper paranoid and maybe even move away


Good luck
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:03 PM
  #41  
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We had the same kinda issue, the bloke kept backing into my car... physically hitting it, the scratches matched his back and my front (cars) strangely he and his wife are nurses and when my dad had a heart attack the wife followed us round in the hospital trying to "help" sadly she over heard me telling my brother I wish they'd **** off, and not a peep since. Walks away when they see me and aint touched anyones car since.

Hes now got airspeed stickers over the scratch marks... looks terrible..
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:06 PM
  #42  
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Following on with the rusty spoon, why not disembowel him with one, remove his intestines while he's still alive and screaming and then drown him in his own liquid ****? That's getting medevil on his ***!

Seriously, we have a smilar problem, i've left notes a couple of times and reported a few untaxed motors to the dvla which has helped but it seems the majority of people are too think to be able to park without a white line to guide them.

Think you'll just need to let this slide and be content with having a slash on his door handles whenever you come back from the pub.

5t.
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:08 PM
  #43  
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Originally Posted by jaytc2003 View Post
dont damage his car intentionally, thats why insurance is so high. However there is something that I find personally amusing to do.

Firstly wear gloves.
Get some carpet runner (the thin wood stick with tacks on it) and have this cut to size so that it will fit under his door handle. Apply some double sided tape to the back of the runner, and then smear the tacks in excrement (if human not yours or your missus or anything from your toilet). Stick the runner to the underside of the door handle.

Point your cctv towards his car and wait. When he opens his car door he will ***** his fingers and immediately put his fingers into his mouth. He will then probably be very very sick. Make copies of the cctv and send a copy to youve been framed and the other neighbours who are cheesed off. You get 250 he gets sh!tty sore fingers and you have hours of endless entertainment watching the video over and over again. It may not stop him, but if all the neighbours start laughing at him he will get proper paranoid and maybe even move away


Good luck



human excretion is a very powerful poision when in the blood stream.. you'll kill the ******* !!
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:16 PM
  #44  
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Originally Posted by pimmo2000 View Post


human excretion is a very powerful poision when in the blood stream.. you'll kill the ******* !!

problem solved.......
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:20 PM
  #45  
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We all know this type of person and have come across them ourselves. While he is doing nothing wrong per se he is not being considerate to his neighbours and seems to think he is better than everyone else with his 'I will park where I want to' attitude.

Whislt I don't think you are over reacting chocolate I do think it is one of those situations that could become an obsession and that in itself is detrimental to your life.

All these revenge ideas are all very well but will simply lead to tit for tat retaliation for what could be years to come.

I think you have two options:

1) Ignore it and rise above it. If he wants to be a ***** let him and just don't let it get to you. Hard to do, but you will be a better man for it.

2) If you really can't do 1) and feel he really needs taking down a peg or two give him a damn good hiding somewhere discrete and yes I am serious as it's the only thing that will make these people change their ways.
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Old 19 April 2007, 12:57 PM
  #46  
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Yes, do not rise to this and let this ***** know that he was seen gobbing on your car and ask (firmly) not do this again, explain about the parking - again and really just do not get wound up by it as it can ruin your life.

Sounds like this ***** will be getting a real laugh and his jollies for getting to you so do not let him do so and even if he does doo not rise to it.


Not that i would ever condone it but If all else fails follow him somewhere quiet and give him a 'proper warning', one that involves low-level violence (pin him up agianst a wall, not cave his head in sort of stuff) and make sure it is not witnessed by others
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:05 PM
  #47  
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Get a pallett truck, plonk some wood on it with an old matress on it and shift his car about.



My grandad used to do this and leave cars parked sideways in the alley next to his yard. impossible to get out again without access to a fork lift or stacker

Last edited by Avi; 19 April 2007 at 01:05 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:06 PM
  #48  
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Originally Posted by Paul Habgood View Post
Yes, do not rise to this and let this ***** know that.....
LOL, this is a grown ups forum isn't it?

Oooh, you utter cad you, I know, rather than get infracted for saying "****", I'm going to start calling people "bounders"
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:08 PM
  #49  
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Paul, when you're in the pub with your mates do you often refer to someone as a complete *****?
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:16 PM
  #50  
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Anchovy up the exhaust pipe, poke it quite far so you can't see it (make sure it's secure and doesn't block the exhaust) then when he drives it the heat will eventually 'weld' the fish to the inside and produce an extremely unpleasant smell and he won't know where it's coming from .
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:24 PM
  #51  
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Originally Posted by Karl 227 View Post
Paul, when you're in the pub with your mates do you often refer to someone as a complete *****?
LOL!

Well, the sun is out and i am feeling sporting and unpredictable, calling this chap a kn*b or bell-end or whatever is a little predictable and boring,

Just exercising my vocabulary a little bit Karl you proper ***** you!
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Old 19 April 2007, 01:31 PM
  #52  
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Take up the drums!! Only play during sensible hours though. For maximum effect, get a mate who's just picked up the violin to join you!

If he complains, say you're perfectly entitled to play whatever you want in your house and perhaps if he shows more consideration with his parking, you might be pursuaded to get a digital instrument and headphones!

Ns04
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Old 19 April 2007, 02:30 PM
  #53  
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A car in a street was causing a bit of an issue...it was an scruffy motor that had a rag for a petrol cap (terraced street on pub route for scallies...imagine).
A 'freind' of mine waited till the owner was out shopping, and then made a desperate call to a recovery service.. saying that we had come up from the south on holiday, we are staying at a friends house (a few miles away) and the car had broken down in this street, could they please tow it to their garage and they could keep it as we were going to sell it or scrap it anyway.
A few hours later, a wrecker came and 'recovered' the car.. it was never seen again!!!.. The police were called and all the neighbours 'never saw a thing'...amazing !
The breakdown company sold it!! I saw it a year later on the road!
If it is very tidy, you could say it was given/ringer etc..
Traceability..... zero...
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Old 19 April 2007, 02:34 PM
  #54  
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Another funny one:

Get a can of 2-3 shaving FOAM (not gel).

Freeze the can for a couple of days to make sure it's properly frozen.

Find an open window / boot / door.

Quickly drill a couple of holes in each can before they thaw out and drop them in the opening.

As they warm up, the foam will escape through the holes in the can and expand to their full potential.

It takes 2-3 cans per car.
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Old 19 April 2007, 02:35 PM
  #55  
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Or. . .

report his car as stolen to the police!
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Old 19 April 2007, 02:46 PM
  #56  
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Originally Posted by Paul Habgood View Post
Just exercising my vocabulary a little bit Karl you proper ***** you!
Karls more of a strap-on than a proper *****
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Old 19 April 2007, 04:00 PM
  #57  
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davegtt, you are a grumpy old git

dci, yes maybe next time i see him, i should march upto him, face to face, slap my face a few times, and mumble "im just physcing myself up here"

bet he'd love that.

as for now though, ive delieberatley parked in two sizeable spaces outside the houses, so later when he returns he should hopefully have nowhere to park.

some excellent suggestions, suprised no-one suggested paying someone 50 to nick his car if i give them the registration. ******* hoorible barge thing it is too.

andy
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Old 19 April 2007, 04:12 PM
  #58  
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ive just taken this pic.

as you can see, the blue car in the top left is "his" next door neighbour i think. i have delieberatley parked across two sizeable spaces. my next door neighbour has just popped out, but assured me on his return will do his best to park where he did before... ie in the bottom right of the photo.

oh look, there is his barge up there in the top middle. you can see first hand how he parks, leaving at least a full 1/2 - 3/4 car in front and just enough space behind for some poor bastid to squeeze in with a micra.

bollocks if his number plates showing. convoy to my house tomorrow afternoon for some serious exhaust notes?



anywho this is hopw he generally parks.... like a ****, so ive done the same.

Last edited by chocolate_o_brian; 19 April 2007 at 04:14 PM. Reason: ok maybe more than a micra can fit in the gap behind him... for a change
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Old 19 April 2007, 04:15 PM
  #59  
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Originally Posted by chocolate_o_brian View Post
ive just taken this pic.

as you can see, the blue car in the top left is "his" next door neighbour i think. i have delieberatley parked across two sizeable spaces. my next door neighbour has just popped out, but assured me on his return will do his best to park where he did before... ie in the bottom right of the photo.

oh look, there is his barge up there in the top middle. you can see first hand how he parks, leaving at least a full 1/2 - 3/4 car in front and just enough space behind for some poor bastid to squeeze in with a micra.

bollocks if his number plates showing. convoy to my house tomorrow afternoon for some serious exhaust notes?



anywho this is hopw he generally parks.... like a ****, so ive done the same.
^^^^ Seriously bothered by this 'parking incident'
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Old 19 April 2007, 04:18 PM
  #60  
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you might wanna park correctly to show him how its done
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