Worst clock I have ever seen

 

That was especially for a revered figure head

 

 

 

 

 

This is more like it

 

QUALITY

 

 

I weren't talking about you Big Boy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They can't of bu99ered off already?

 

 

I'm heading out for some Kentucky Fried Dove

Anyone fancy a wing or two??

 

Stop it

 

 

 

Cough !!ED!! Cough

 

Here ya go SPAM

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Tracie, the Essex housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the
bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did
the splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for
her husband, "Dave! Dave!"

Dave came running in. "Dave, I've bloody well suctioned myself to the
floor," she said. christ," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get me mate Wayne
to help." They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we
can't do it," Wayne said, "so let's try Plan B." "Plan B," exclaimed
Dave, "what's that?"

"I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles
under her," replied Wayne. "Spot on," Dave said, "while you're doing
that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples." "Play with her
nipples?" Wayne said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!" "No,"
Dave replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide
her into the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper ..."

 

And another

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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."