Zero Reasons to die for
15 April 2000, 05:01 PM
#1
Scooby Senior
Thread Starter
I have full permission from the family to post this story:
____________________________________________
ZERO REASONS TO DIE FOR
Soon after my 20th birthday I was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma, a rare bone cancer. So rare and unusual it only shows up in white males between the ages of 10 - 20. Mostly in the leg area either the tibia or the femur. Mine was in my right thigh femur. I was shocked and could not believe I had cancer. I was only 20 and had my whole life ahead of me, a good job, wonderful wife and a brand new baby girl.
A pain had started bothering me months earlier and had become unbearable and my thigh had swollen so much that it looked like a body builders leg in comparison to my other thin leg. When we went to the cancer center I was told different things. Some assured me if it was cancer they could get rid of it, but I might have to lose my leg. We really did not know yet what it was. We thought and hoped it was an injury from all the skateboarding and ball playing I had done in the past. I was taken in for testing, skeletal x-rays and CAT Scans were done on me. My first test was long and I was afraid. When I was brought out the doctors came in and told us what we feared most, I had cancer. I did not think it was that serious. I thought now days many cancers were curable. Then I found out not only did I have a cancerous tumor but it was a rare type that grows and spreads along the bone moving up towards the pelvic area and is hard to get rid of. It could not be cut out because that would cause it to spread worse.
I had hope that the doctors could cure me. I could not accept or think that I would die. I was going to win. Treatments began immediately. The tumor in my thigh had grown to the size of a football and I had several radiation treatments to shrink it. Then the chemotherapy began. I was injected with several different kinds of chemo, toxic chemicals used to kill cancer cells. They attack and destroy all fast growing cells, including the ones that make our hair grow. It wasn't long after treatment that I began to lose my hair. My brother in-laws kept their heads shaved because I had no hair. I guess they did not want me to feel bad about being bald. I took everything in stride and tried to stay positive. I was up and about every chance I could.
I became so sick and fatigued from the treatments and some days I could barely walk across the floor. At times I was angry and sad. Why was this happening to me. There is no known cause for the rare type of cancer I had. You can't inherit it or prevent it. I could not understand why I had cancer. It was like a dream and I wanted to wake up and be normal again.
After months of painful tests and treatments, tests showed I had no signs of cancer cells. I started to feel good. My hair grew back I was not tired and could eat again. Because this type of cancer usually comes back they wanted to do an experimental treatment on me. It would be serious, an all over body radiation that would completely destroy my immune system and any dormant cancer cells. There was a chance I could die and it would take months to recover from. There was no guarantee that this would work. My mother in-law did not want me to do it but it was my choice so I did. The first treatment was so horrible that I could not go through with it. I was put in a coffin like container and covered with heavy ice bags and had to lay there for what seemed like hours being bombarded all over with radiation. I called her to come and get me and was sick all the way home. She said she could smell the radiation coming from my body. I was sicker than I had ever been from my other treatments for over a month.
Within weeks the cancer returned with a vengeance. I knew it was all over my body. Every night I went to bed wondering what the next morning would bring because since the treatment, it seemed like every day a different part of my body was affected. They found numerous tumors the size of peaches in my pelvic area and my back was beginning to hurt severely. I weighed 135 pounds when this started and now barely weighed 100. I was a walking skeleton and my body was wracked with pain. I did not want to die. Who would at my age. I was nearing my 21st birthday and one morning I woke up and the right side of my face was paralyzed. The cancer had spread to my head. I looked like a stroke victim.
My back continued to hurt and I awoke one morning and could no longer use the bathroom. My bodily functions had quit working. The cancer was growing up and around my spine and had cut off the nerves that controlled these. I was given radiation once more to try and shrink the tumors. If not it would cause me to become paralyzed from the waist down. I was scared and sick. The only relief I had was sleep. I still did not think I would die.
My condition continued to rapidly decline and I went to the hospital often for blood transfusions. My mother in-law took me a lot and the last time she did she asked the doctor what cold be done for me. He said there was nothing more they could do for me. She told me on the way home the Doctor said I did not have long to live and he had told me in the beginning I had a slim chance because by the time they saw me the cancer was in the advanced stage.
She asked me if I could think back to when I first noticed a pain in my leg because it could not have just happened. I remember it aching months before I saw a doctor. I could really notice it when I leaned on anything that caused pressure to be put on it. I had the cancer a year before I saw the doctor. I just thought my leg hurt from sports.
I was mad, mad at the world, mad at God, at healthy people who were always complaining over trivial matters. I wish I could have their problems instead of mine. I didn't want to talk about my condition. I could not accept the fact that I was dying. I had Zero reasons to die for. I had a new baby who loved me and I her. I wanted so much to be with her as she grew up.
My last night alive I was sitting with my mother-in law and I looked over at her. We spoke no words but I know she could read in my eyes what I had come to realize "I'm going to die". At that moment she wanted to tell me it was ok to die and she conveyed that in her eyes. She walked my little girl down the hallway to tell me goodnight and I never saw them again. A tumor had grown on my brain and caused blood to swell creating much pressure. I went into a coma and never woke up. Within 8 hours I took my last breath.
My story is not to make you sad or pity me. I'm at rest now, free from the suffering I endured. Don't put off pain that won't go away. If I had went to the doctor sooner maybe I would be here now, but who knows.
Never take for granted life and those around you. Life is short. Mine was.
In memory of our beloved son
C ROSE
____________________________________________
This happened in 1998. The young man's wife was 19 at the time & she nursed him & his new baby without complaint. "Zero reasons to die for" was written by him on a small scrap of paper while he was in hospital. It headed a list of everything he wanted to live for.
It costs £15 to provide a Marie Curie Cancer Care nurse for 1 hour. Marie Curie provide nurses free of charge, to seriously ill cancer patients in the comfort of their own homes. For £5 you can help provide comfort to a cancer patient for 20 minutes.
For more details of the Scoobysport-WaxWizard Le Chateau Challenge team, please check
____________________________________________
ZERO REASONS TO DIE FOR
Soon after my 20th birthday I was diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma, a rare bone cancer. So rare and unusual it only shows up in white males between the ages of 10 - 20. Mostly in the leg area either the tibia or the femur. Mine was in my right thigh femur. I was shocked and could not believe I had cancer. I was only 20 and had my whole life ahead of me, a good job, wonderful wife and a brand new baby girl.
A pain had started bothering me months earlier and had become unbearable and my thigh had swollen so much that it looked like a body builders leg in comparison to my other thin leg. When we went to the cancer center I was told different things. Some assured me if it was cancer they could get rid of it, but I might have to lose my leg. We really did not know yet what it was. We thought and hoped it was an injury from all the skateboarding and ball playing I had done in the past. I was taken in for testing, skeletal x-rays and CAT Scans were done on me. My first test was long and I was afraid. When I was brought out the doctors came in and told us what we feared most, I had cancer. I did not think it was that serious. I thought now days many cancers were curable. Then I found out not only did I have a cancerous tumor but it was a rare type that grows and spreads along the bone moving up towards the pelvic area and is hard to get rid of. It could not be cut out because that would cause it to spread worse.
I had hope that the doctors could cure me. I could not accept or think that I would die. I was going to win. Treatments began immediately. The tumor in my thigh had grown to the size of a football and I had several radiation treatments to shrink it. Then the chemotherapy began. I was injected with several different kinds of chemo, toxic chemicals used to kill cancer cells. They attack and destroy all fast growing cells, including the ones that make our hair grow. It wasn't long after treatment that I began to lose my hair. My brother in-laws kept their heads shaved because I had no hair. I guess they did not want me to feel bad about being bald. I took everything in stride and tried to stay positive. I was up and about every chance I could.
I became so sick and fatigued from the treatments and some days I could barely walk across the floor. At times I was angry and sad. Why was this happening to me. There is no known cause for the rare type of cancer I had. You can't inherit it or prevent it. I could not understand why I had cancer. It was like a dream and I wanted to wake up and be normal again.
After months of painful tests and treatments, tests showed I had no signs of cancer cells. I started to feel good. My hair grew back I was not tired and could eat again. Because this type of cancer usually comes back they wanted to do an experimental treatment on me. It would be serious, an all over body radiation that would completely destroy my immune system and any dormant cancer cells. There was a chance I could die and it would take months to recover from. There was no guarantee that this would work. My mother in-law did not want me to do it but it was my choice so I did. The first treatment was so horrible that I could not go through with it. I was put in a coffin like container and covered with heavy ice bags and had to lay there for what seemed like hours being bombarded all over with radiation. I called her to come and get me and was sick all the way home. She said she could smell the radiation coming from my body. I was sicker than I had ever been from my other treatments for over a month.
Within weeks the cancer returned with a vengeance. I knew it was all over my body. Every night I went to bed wondering what the next morning would bring because since the treatment, it seemed like every day a different part of my body was affected. They found numerous tumors the size of peaches in my pelvic area and my back was beginning to hurt severely. I weighed 135 pounds when this started and now barely weighed 100. I was a walking skeleton and my body was wracked with pain. I did not want to die. Who would at my age. I was nearing my 21st birthday and one morning I woke up and the right side of my face was paralyzed. The cancer had spread to my head. I looked like a stroke victim.
My back continued to hurt and I awoke one morning and could no longer use the bathroom. My bodily functions had quit working. The cancer was growing up and around my spine and had cut off the nerves that controlled these. I was given radiation once more to try and shrink the tumors. If not it would cause me to become paralyzed from the waist down. I was scared and sick. The only relief I had was sleep. I still did not think I would die.
My condition continued to rapidly decline and I went to the hospital often for blood transfusions. My mother in-law took me a lot and the last time she did she asked the doctor what cold be done for me. He said there was nothing more they could do for me. She told me on the way home the Doctor said I did not have long to live and he had told me in the beginning I had a slim chance because by the time they saw me the cancer was in the advanced stage.
She asked me if I could think back to when I first noticed a pain in my leg because it could not have just happened. I remember it aching months before I saw a doctor. I could really notice it when I leaned on anything that caused pressure to be put on it. I had the cancer a year before I saw the doctor. I just thought my leg hurt from sports.
I was mad, mad at the world, mad at God, at healthy people who were always complaining over trivial matters. I wish I could have their problems instead of mine. I didn't want to talk about my condition. I could not accept the fact that I was dying. I had Zero reasons to die for. I had a new baby who loved me and I her. I wanted so much to be with her as she grew up.
My last night alive I was sitting with my mother-in law and I looked over at her. We spoke no words but I know she could read in my eyes what I had come to realize "I'm going to die". At that moment she wanted to tell me it was ok to die and she conveyed that in her eyes. She walked my little girl down the hallway to tell me goodnight and I never saw them again. A tumor had grown on my brain and caused blood to swell creating much pressure. I went into a coma and never woke up. Within 8 hours I took my last breath.
My story is not to make you sad or pity me. I'm at rest now, free from the suffering I endured. Don't put off pain that won't go away. If I had went to the doctor sooner maybe I would be here now, but who knows.
Never take for granted life and those around you. Life is short. Mine was.
In memory of our beloved son
C ROSE
____________________________________________
This happened in 1998. The young man's wife was 19 at the time & she nursed him & his new baby without complaint. "Zero reasons to die for" was written by him on a small scrap of paper while he was in hospital. It headed a list of everything he wanted to live for.
It costs £15 to provide a Marie Curie Cancer Care nurse for 1 hour. Marie Curie provide nurses free of charge, to seriously ill cancer patients in the comfort of their own homes. For £5 you can help provide comfort to a cancer patient for 20 minutes.
For more details of the Scoobysport-WaxWizard Le Chateau Challenge team, please check
15 April 2000, 05:44 PM
#2
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What is this doing on a Subaru enthusiats bbs?
If I want to give to charity I`ll do it elsewhere, and if I want to read this sort of thing I`ll subscribe to "Tearjerkers and Begging Letters Monthly"
It is offensive to plant this sort of thing on here.
If I want to give to charity I`ll do it elsewhere, and if I want to read this sort of thing I`ll subscribe to "Tearjerkers and Begging Letters Monthly"
It is offensive to plant this sort of thing on here.
15 April 2000, 05:49 PM
#3
Scooby Senior
Thread Starter
Oops
I am sorry to have offended you. I have posted several other messages in the past about my French charity trip & I have never received a complaint until now.
I have published this story in the past on my CancerLink site & only after (literally) several months of thought, did I decide to try the posting here.
If I have overstepped the line, please accept my apologies & I will of course bow to the Webmaster's recommendations.
Regards
Nick Hill
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited 15-04-2000).]
I am sorry to have offended you. I have posted several other messages in the past about my French charity trip & I have never received a complaint until now.
I have published this story in the past on my CancerLink site & only after (literally) several months of thought, did I decide to try the posting here.
If I have overstepped the line, please accept my apologies & I will of course bow to the Webmaster's recommendations.
Regards
Nick Hill
[This message has been edited by Nick (edited 15-04-2000).]
15 April 2000, 07:15 PM
#4
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Hi Nick
The older lads on the BBS and IWOC will know about your charity work and most of us have donated to it.
This is Scooby related, as it is with a UK Scooby you do your French Chateau runs, which have always been interesting. Especially as you win the event.
I think WigWam is fairly new to the BBS and obviously does not know all the facts.
This is a good cause and I would like to donate the same as I did last year.
Keep up the good work Nick
Regards
Bob Iles
The older lads on the BBS and IWOC will know about your charity work and most of us have donated to it.
This is Scooby related, as it is with a UK Scooby you do your French Chateau runs, which have always been interesting. Especially as you win the event.
I think WigWam is fairly new to the BBS and obviously does not know all the facts.
This is a good cause and I would like to donate the same as I did last year.
Keep up the good work Nick
Regards
Bob Iles
16 April 2000, 05:03 PM
#7
Scooby Regular
I'm just jealous that we don't can't do runs like the Le Chateau Challenge and have to live them second hand.
I really enjoyed Nick's reports on last years event.
Keep up the good work. Nick
Richard
I really enjoyed Nick's reports on last years event.
Keep up the good work. Nick
Richard
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16 April 2000, 07:22 PM
#8
I'll treat wigwam's comments with the contempt they deserve.
Nick, where can I make a donation to the Marie Curie charity? Do they have an account at a high street bank similar to Comic Relief?
Good luck in France.
Nick, where can I make a donation to the Marie Curie charity? Do they have an account at a high street bank similar to Comic Relief?
Good luck in France.
16 April 2000, 07:38 PM
#9
Scooby Senior
Thread Starter
>JJones
You can obviously support Marie Curie in many ways, they have many events including a big classic car show in the south west. There are also a number of Marie Curie charity shops around the country.
If you would specifically like to support the Le Chateau Challenge event, you can make your cheque payable to Marie Curie, but send it to me. Please email me for my address.
You can obviously support Marie Curie in many ways, they have many events including a big classic car show in the south west. There are also a number of Marie Curie charity shops around the country.
If you would specifically like to support the Le Chateau Challenge event, you can make your cheque payable to Marie Curie, but send it to me. Please email me for my address.
17 April 2000, 11:57 AM
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Wow - I read that and it's really touched me.
I can see how some people can object to reading tragic stories about cancer victims, as it's not often pleasant reading. I think Wigwam that if you had realised what Nick has been doing then you wouldn't have been so offended. I don't think an apology is called for but please think before posting on here as you've come accross extremely unsympathetic to a very worthwile charity.
Full.
I can see how some people can object to reading tragic stories about cancer victims, as it's not often pleasant reading. I think Wigwam that if you had realised what Nick has been doing then you wouldn't have been so offended. I don't think an apology is called for but please think before posting on here as you've come accross extremely unsympathetic to a very worthwile charity.
Full.
17 April 2000, 05:29 PM
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Nick you don't need to apologise... but please everyone don't be too hard on WigWam some people really do have trouble dealing with these kinds of issues.
I read the whole story, it's extremely sad and very very tragic... puts 'your' problems into perspective.
I had two very dear people die of cancer and the Marie Curie nurses were able to help both them and their families make the transition through that most difficult time.
Keep up the good work Nick, there are not enough people like you on this planet.
P
[This message has been edited by Black Cat (edited 17-04-2000).]
I read the whole story, it's extremely sad and very very tragic... puts 'your' problems into perspective.
I had two very dear people die of cancer and the Marie Curie nurses were able to help both them and their families make the transition through that most difficult time.
Keep up the good work Nick, there are not enough people like you on this planet.
P
[This message has been edited by Black Cat (edited 17-04-2000).]
17 April 2000, 05:55 PM
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Nick,
I do understand and support you posting this up in view of your ongoing charity involvement. Well done.
I do, however, think you may have indicated the way-off-topic/charity nature of the content somewhat better in the topic title, hence allowing persons such as Wigwam to steer clear.
Again, well done and keep up the good work,
Moray
I do understand and support you posting this up in view of your ongoing charity involvement. Well done.
I do, however, think you may have indicated the way-off-topic/charity nature of the content somewhat better in the topic title, hence allowing persons such as Wigwam to steer clear.
Again, well done and keep up the good work,
Moray
17 April 2000, 07:31 PM
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Its a perfectly legitimate request for sponsorship.
I must say that the story is a bit OTT and gratuitous in detail, and could give the wrong impression to some people (WigWam) and is probably not needed for the cause to attract support. I suspect he thought it was some kind of financial scam or whatever, hitting the bbs.
Good luck!
I must say that the story is a bit OTT and gratuitous in detail, and could give the wrong impression to some people (WigWam) and is probably not needed for the cause to attract support. I suspect he thought it was some kind of financial scam or whatever, hitting the bbs.
Good luck!
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