Some crap jokes.
11 October 2012, 09:31 AM
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Some crap jokes.
After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, English scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, Scottish scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read; Scottish archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year old fibre-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the English.
One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following: After digging as deep as 5000 meters in a County Mayo bog, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, have concluded that 5000 years ago, Ireland's inhabitants were already using wireless technology.
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the ********* and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the ********* and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the *********.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day, apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired.
Girls say a circumcised ***** is better.Bollocks, if I ordered a sausage roll and got a plain sausage I would be disappointed.
How do I tell my wife that It really gets on my nerves when she nibbles on my foreskin?She thinks that I like it, but honestly, I just wish that I'd thrown it away after the circumcision.
So i see Cheryl Cole volunteered to get custard pied on the Pride of Britain Awards for £5000.I wonder how much it would take for her to let me give her a Cream Pie?
There are 70 ways to keep a woman happyOne is to take her shopping.The rest is 69
I was in the crazy maze at Alton Towers the other day. I turned a corner and there were four muslim women in burkhas. I shouted "Allah is a C#nt!" and ran for it.
Best game of Pac-Man I ever had!
Not to be outdone by the English, in the weeks that followed, Scottish scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read; Scottish archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year old fibre-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the English.
One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following: After digging as deep as 5000 meters in a County Mayo bog, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, have concluded that 5000 years ago, Ireland's inhabitants were already using wireless technology.
A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.
The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the ********* and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the ********* and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the *********.
The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman smiled and said, "Ye can keep the damn egg!!"
The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day, apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired.
Girls say a circumcised ***** is better.Bollocks, if I ordered a sausage roll and got a plain sausage I would be disappointed.
How do I tell my wife that It really gets on my nerves when she nibbles on my foreskin?She thinks that I like it, but honestly, I just wish that I'd thrown it away after the circumcision.
So i see Cheryl Cole volunteered to get custard pied on the Pride of Britain Awards for £5000.I wonder how much it would take for her to let me give her a Cream Pie?
There are 70 ways to keep a woman happyOne is to take her shopping.The rest is 69
I was in the crazy maze at Alton Towers the other day. I turned a corner and there were four muslim women in burkhas. I shouted "Allah is a C#nt!" and ran for it.
Best game of Pac-Man I ever had!
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